Raise a hand if your hataras nedarim group got the 5th extra guy
Raise both hands if the 5th wheel went first and then ditched
Raise 3 hands if that guy was you.

Chazzan: (singing) “Hamakdishim”
THE ENTIRE SHUL: “BUM BUM BUM BUM”

Me (and all other men?) just wanting to see the wife strutting around on the beach in a *censored in honor of Erev YK*, serving up iced cold Pina Colada out of a coconut rind, pineapple flower tied in her hair.

Wife (and all other frum women?)  just wanting to see me shtieg away over a Gemara or singing hartziga z'miros. 

My wife almost fell off her chair when I told her that half of men fall sleep in shul during Chazaris Hashatz....She's like I thought your not allowed to sleep

I think this place is meant for funny grumps, but here comes a real one. On RH I was remembering that when I was newlywed, any time I showed my wife affection some droplets would come out. And I was so broken, like I'm a lost case being moitzee zera all the time. After a little while I called a rebbe and literally cried to him. Which didn't help much. Why, oh why, wasn't I told back then that drops that come out like that, not יורה כחץ, are according to most poskim not considered zera at all? I only learned that years later. Why did I need to have that pain? Why couldn't someone teach me? 

eerie wrote on 07 Oct 2024 16:42:

Does that mean if a bit of zera comes out while using the bathroom (number 2, usually when I need extra pushing) it isn't considered zera and my mikva doesn't go to the garbage?

Not sure exactly what you mean. The way Hashem made us is that zera comes out with a shooting feeling. There's a different liquid entirely that is like the body's way of cleaning the area. That is not zera. The geder of the poskim is יורה כחץ. Don't accept psak from me. Call a rav and ask, explaining clearly what you are referring you

eerie wrote on 07 Oct 2024 16:42:

I've already grumped and grouched on a different thread that I never got a normal chosson shmooze. 
Regardless, would it have helped me? Yes in my marriage, maybe not in the Shmiras einayim issues. 

eerie wrote on 07 Oct 2024 16:42:

Same same, I rejected her advances because of this, and caused all kind of shalom bais resentment for years.

eerie wrote on 07 Oct 2024 16:42:

How about, why did it take YEARS to find out about this place? Why’d it take YEARS to find out that I’m not a sicko perv who does and thinks horrific things??? Why did it take YEARS to find out that I’m not alone????????

Alas, I am smitten with horror and indignation at this blasphemous transgression!

Nay, sayeth I, an utter sacrilegious abomination!

Thou all dost defile The Sacred Grouchery, set apart for frivolous lamentations and vexing trifles, with troubles of grave import.

And thus, thy words shall fall upon deaf ears, lost amidst the din of levity and disregard!

youknowwho wrote on 08 Oct 2024 02:43:

Buddy, who do you think you are, to “decide” what belongs on this beloved Grouchery? What gives you the right to gripe about anything?- aside, of course, that this is ye Grouchery- the Haven for the Grumpily Disgruntled, where anything goes- yes, including “serious” (yech) grumps. 

tzitzis dude wrote on 08 Oct 2024 00:10:

Needs to posted multiple times...

Me: Please don’t throw out those matches. 
Wife: Why not? They don’t work. 
Me: They do work, it’s just the strip on the box that doesn’t work. 
Wife: So why shouldn’t we just throw them out?
Me: Because I’d like to light them up and watch them burn. 
Wife: That could be very dangerous!
Me: Don’t worry, I’ll put them in a pan first. 
Wife: Still dangerous. 
Me: I’ll put them in the neighbor’s fire pit, and then burn them. 
Wife: No.
Me: But why not?
Wife: What’s the point?
Me: It’s cool!
Wife: That’s not a good enough reason. 
Me: I had such self control for so long to not just do it already!!
Wife: Well, in that case, you can get some more self control and just throw them out. 


So, fellow grouchers, what say you?

I say hands down shes right, like whats the point??