Wife: Dear husband, please treat me like your cell phone. Talk to me, listen to me, When I fall down please pick me up, take me along with you to where ever you are going, when my energy is low recharge me...

Husbend: Sure I will as soon as you will start acting like my phone. Never talk back or interrupt me, don't argue about where to go on vacation, don't ask me for money to go shopping...

from yeshivaworld

Reb Yid wrote on 05 Aug 2011 01:53:


AWESOME!

Thank You!!
;D

Reb Yid wrote on 26 Aug 2011 03:43:


Reb Yid, you made my day with that poem!  ;D ;D

Reb Yid wrote on 05 Aug 2011 01:53:


Great work RY
I Would suggest:
Or catch a flea (maybe it was just a typo)

An artist doesn't normally explain his craft.
But since you asked, I'll make an exception.
In typical "Dr. Seuss" style, I was intending to rhyme words that made very little sense. Hence instead of a bee stinging me, I wrote "or sting a bee". So too was the Kavana behind "or scratch a flea", as usually it is the flea who causes you to itch.
I hope that clarifies it.
You know, master poetry is a very delicate art. 

Glad you enjoyed it Guard. It is my pleasure to have made your day once, as you have helped to make my day for over 220 days now!!!

Thanks a ton to all!!
Reb Yid

Me3 wrote on 30 Aug 2011 17:38:

Me3 wrote on 30 Aug 2011 17:43:

A mashgiach in a chasidishe Yeshiva caught a bochur with a dirty magazine.

"Don't you know that the Rebbe Zy"a didn't let bochurim read dirty newspapers?" The mashgiach asked.

"I am not reading it," the bochur replied. "I am only looking at the pictures!"

One morning in Elul, after the rabbi blew the shofar some guy asked if he can do a different tune
so he blows again
and the guy says "can u play any Beatles?"

(true story)

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their parents to  tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids  came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, ""My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.  One  time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of  the  pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and  broke  and made a mess.""

""And what's the moral of the story?"" asked the teacher.

""Don't put all your eggs in one basket!""

""Very good,"" said the teacher.

Next little Lucy raised her hand and said, ""Our family are farmers too  but we  raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but  when  they hatched we only got ten live chicks and the moral to this story is,  don't count your chickens until they're hatched.""

""That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny, do you have a story to share?""

""Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen  was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to  bail  out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a  machine  gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't  break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She
killed seventy of them with the machine  gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the  machete till the blade broke and then she killed the last ten with her  bare  hands.""

""Good heavens,"" said the horrified teacher, ""What kind of moral did your  daddy tell you from that horrible story?""

""Stay the Hell away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking.""

Polk County Florida Sheriff

You kill a policeman it means no arrest ... no Miranda rights ... no negotiations ... nothing but as many bullets as we can shoot into you ... PERIOD.

An illegal alien, in Polk County, Florida, who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop, ended up "executing" the deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range.  Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed.  A state-wide manhunt ensued.

The murderer was found hiding in a wooded area.  As soon as he took a shot at the SWAT team, officers opened fire on him. They hit the guy 68 times.

Naturally, the liberal media went nuts and asked why they had to shoot the poor, undocumented immigrant 68 times.

Sheriff Grady Judd told the Orlando Sentinel:  "Because that's all the ammunition we had."  Now, is that just about the all-time greatest answer or what!

The Coroner also reported that the illegal alien died of natural causes.  When asked by a reporter how that could be, since there were 68 bullet wounds in his body, he simply replied:  (BEST QUOTE of 2009) . . . "When you are shot 68 times you are naturally gonna die."

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
I'm laughing hard

Now where are these folks when you need 'em?!

dov wrote on 21 Sep 2011 16:04:

The police or the undocumented immigrant ?