Did i not tell u i'm using a cellphone and i cannot view the picture. Well the world is so bad, i'd be happy to know that i have a brother-in-law or son-in-law who really understands me.

Whoops, I didn't know that. Basically, I put a whole row of laughing and grinning emoticons...I really was amused by the thought of those signs...

Personally, Ive reveales so much about myself, that Im sure there are people who could theoretically identify me (other than Uri of course!)
I worry about the anonymous guests who are simply looking in, as I dont know their story or intentions.
As for our GYE 'family, I would consider it an honor to meet everyone. I see it as no differnt than trying to peek at gedolim simply for the zchus of gazing on gadlus.

As someone else here posted, I think that not everyone, even veterans here, would feel comfortable having a son-in-law from here. Some said they'd be honored, others...not so much.

I'm more afraid of going out with a girl who's on these pages, or even worse, a girl who first hears of this site from me. i once got asked, 'in passing' (like all vital questions on a shidduch) why i try to avoid computers. And she slipped in an option of addiction. the chutzpah, you don't ask such a powerful question, at such an inappropriate time (oh yeh it wasn't at all the right time for it). :-[              then the realization hit me, what does this girl do on her laptop? she never praised herself for having a filter? if i have to bring this up, I'm not gonna lie about myself, (although I will definitely white-wash it) am i going to reveal my username?

yes I would be mortified to reveal it, but on the other hand I will definitely reveal it before i announce an engagement, in addition to some other 'less favorable' parts of my history.

I voted 1 but if the person was in the same boat and was struggling i probably would go with 2. fact is that most people do not recognize it for an addiction (especially our wives) and would think very bad of me. its only people on the forum understand it and look up to one who is working on himself.

i voted 2.

Uri wrote on 27 Dec 2009 19:44:
Yeah, I could have told you you'd vote 2.

I could've told myself that also.
In fact,that's what I did.
I said "Uri,we're gonna vote for option 2."
And we did.

Uri wrote on 27 Dec 2009 19:52:
Ah hah! That's why the "happy about it" has one more vote than the "mortified"!
Uri voted twice!

Battleworn wrote:



Battleworn, it's good to have you back.

Your approach is GEVALDIGGG for most Yidden - like you wrote "WHAT CAN BE MORE BEUTIFULL THAN SUCH A JEW?",

But for real addicts who aren't succeeding at "FIGHTING BACK AGAINST THIS HORRIFIC TZUNAMI", we need to take a slightly (or majorly) different approach. To summarize today's Chizuk e-mail (from Dov):

A real addict needs to face the facts about himself before he can begin to heal. For him, it is unhealthy to treat lust as an "epic struggle" with the Yetzer Hara (which implies that if he is failing, he must be "bad"). We need to accept that we are not 'bad' people who need to become 'good', but we are 'ill' and need to get 'better'. And our illness does not allow us to deal with lust at all, because we can't control it. Therefore, lust must not be treated as a "romantic struggle", but simply as a "distraction"; as it distracts us from being useful to Hashem. Our focus needs to be only on doing Hashem's will for us today, and not on "beating lust" (even for Hashem's Honor). Because if an addict focuses on beating it, he'll often just be pulled back into it. We need to leave the entire "Yetzer Hara struggle" and "Teshuvah issue" to Hashem. It's His business, not ours. We need to focus only on doing His will for us today, to the best of our ability.

Ah, this reminds me of the good old days when I'd spend hours in e-mails back and forth with Battleworn over this very issue... How strange that Hashem made today's e-mail be exactly about that - when this is the first post of Battleworn's in about 3 months!

Today, while writing the e-mail, I think I finally understood something that makes me realize that Battleworn and Dov don't really disagree, even about REAL addicts. You see, we are not "pervs" in a "BAD" sense. A Yid is never intrinsically bad, as you said. But we need to simply face the facts about ourselves and realize we are SICK. Not BAD. Just SICK. There's a HUGE difference there. Just like someone who has cancer, c"v, is not BAD.

And the reason we don't romanticize the struggle is not c"v because we don't want to give Hashem Nachas Ruach, but simply because we can't deal with lust at all. And therefore, we are forced to treat it only as a distraction, and not an "epic struggle". We need to make our focus doing Hashem's will - and not "fighting the Yetzer Hara". Because that is just a trick that will pull a real addict back into it.

Very nice post,Guard.

Guard you mammash 'hit the nail on the head'. Couldn't have been said better. Recently i've been thinking that if i ever need to speak this issue to someone who doesn't understand this addiction so well, i'd tell them 'you know, it's not that i'm a bad person, just in this area i'm sick, and the wonderful people out there are helping me fight back this 'illness'. That's what hashem made this 'sickness' for to help us become closer to him. Like hashem l"o makes people physically sick, it's to make them come closer. C"v no one should ever be really sick, but if c"v someone is, he's got two options, either to be really ashamed and try to hide it from the world, but some would use it to help mechazek other people. That's really the summary of this thread, how are we prepared to face this 'sickness' and we just saw the two ways of approaching it.

I voted happy.  I do not see any reason to be ashamed to be here and if someone was to reconize me it would not bother me. 

here's the real dilemma: I'm in the position of helping a handful of teenagers who are all undoubtably, and admittably addicted to their ipod touches, and the occasional laptop. hey i can't blame them, their parents where dumb enough to 'trust' them with it, and hey! so where mine!!!

the question is whether to confide in this to any of them. I'm not a fraud, so i can't help them without admitting my involvement too. plus, how else can i know all the tricks of the trade. But on the other hand I'm not interested in them blabbing to the world that I'm cool cuz i watch p#$ . That's not why i want them to relate to me! So i'm in a dilemma about it. the only thing i did about it was mentioning, in a neutral way, that i can help them break addcitions... and if they want their addictions, i can help them not want it.    

if GUARD made a 'information pachet' that could simply be mailed to the yeshiva office, it would be an easy way of getting these kids involved with the site, or the cure.  How about it? i know you are overworked, and put all of your heart and soul into this. how about making a printable collection of the handbook, 12 steps, how the 12 steps isn't kefirah, 'reality check' (how rampant internet misuse really is), and a letter adressed to the mashgiach ruchani that will get the point across, and get him on-board in DEALING with the issue.        oh yeh, and make a collection of the 'best' stories, in case he doesn't check the site himself.