D'aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! You just did!!! Waaahhaahahhhh!!

I voted indifferent...I think people know about me anyway...if it happened by accident...at least I could go to SA more comfortably.

Y

Ultimately, we all live with ourselves. There is no escape from ourselves - even by suicide, I believe. The discomfort we all feel being surrounded by real people in recovery is just having a mirror shown to us, as the BeSh"T taught us. We sense our own ugliness, but "see" only theirs. I take advantage of every oppoertunity I get to admit openly in a safe environment that I am a sexaholic, that I naturally gravitate toward using lust, that I am allergic to it, and that my disease is progressive, chronic, and guaranteed to be fatal should it progress enough c"v. It frees me to let go and be free of lusts power. It gives me life, and gave new life to my family.

I just faced an experience of possibly exposing myself to someone NOT on the forum. Someone who probably would NOT be supportive of folks being here. (The "dirty addict sinner creep" reaction, is my paranoid guess.)

It felt sorta scary. Way different than the "here I am; take it or leave it" bravado I might have in other areas of my life.

Am I alone on this one?

I mentioned "derech agav" to someone that especially in the area of dating, I found it very helpful when i started being clean. His reaction was totally over-the-top holier-than-thou...interestingly, he paired a "almost no one frum masturbates" along with a "I'm different and better than everyone else," even though the two seem mutually exclusive.

Hm.

Either way, I'd mentioned it as a helpful suggestion to him, but I'll give you 3 guesses as to whether i felt good after that conversation!

silentbattle wrote on 25 May 2010 05:37:

If I weren't trying to be so edel and frum myself, I'd be tempted to call him a real "jerk-off." But, good taste prevents.

I think we all know what such "she doth protest too much" (Shakespeare) folks do when they think Nobody's watching. I'd rather have an honest guy in public recovery than a hypocrite any day. And I'm working on getting that way, myself. Work of a lifetime.

Well, thank goodness for that!  ;D ;D

SB: I almost asked you just now if you remembered Charlie the Tuna. But it's both tasteless and triggering. Pity.

;D

I guess I should be glad I didn't catch the reference...

Yeah, folks, can you help me how these guidelines of anonymity work?

For the second time, I've now realized I know someone from here in "real" life. (I put that in quotes, because the folks here somehow seem more "real" in their reality than how I view so many folks in real life. Different topic.)

Am I supposed to "out" myself now that they're outed to me?
Am I supposed to greet them "Good Shabbos" or whatever as if there's no recognition?
Should I even avoid the same minyan they use, to give them a little personal space?
Are there "stock" answers to this in the world of 12-step programs, or is it customized in each situation?
Do I ask you guys, or ask the guys involved?
Should I even care?

I could use a little advice from the real masters of the site. But I suppose I'm not supposed to use any names....

I dont know who you know (I hope its not me...if it is please PM me ;D) or how you know them (please tell  us how because we should all learn what is making us stand out)!

I would say it depends on your relationship with these people in person and on GYE. There is no black and white answer. It is a very sticky situation and could turn out well but could turn out really bad.

Hope it helped!

-Yiddle

I suppose it also deepnds on how much you trust them (based on both your knowledge of them in real life, and on GYE)

If he's a fellow struggler it's a double jackpot because I can help him and he can help me.
I would take any one of you as a mechutan but a son-in-law would be a different story. How long are you clean for?

I think it depends, If I knew the guy was a struggler before I found him on this site, then finding him here would be a blessing in disguise,

But if I didn't know that he was a struggler before I/he found him/me on this site my reaction would be split based on 2 different situations:

1) If I knew him to be an upstanding member of the community or someone that I looked up to, then I would be very shocked and disappointed. I know that thats a selfish though, but sometimes you just assume that you're at the bottom so whatever you do doesn't really matter but everyone else is a respectful jew and has the necessary self-control for such dark issues. Kind of like the same feeling a Dati person would get if a Chiluni guy told him that he shouldn't be doing something (thats inappropriate) because he's got a Kipa on his head.

2) If He was just a friend, then I would probably be mortified and seriously embarrassed for him and myself.

These two issues are my main fear of going to SA. I mean its one thing to talk about issue to random strangers but its another when these are people who you though of differently.

On the other hand If I knew he was struggling, then I think that that would be the optimal situation as we could help encourage each other to pull though this addiction together, in order to reach full sobriety.

id have no problem at all. i'd be proud to be in the company of a fellow struggler WHO WANTS TO BE A BETTER PERSON! - LIKE ME! k'mayim ponim el ponim!