I am amazed at your honesty with the post you wrote, it's unbelievable to see someone as great as you humbly saying the full truth, even when it means a LOT of shame. I try to read all your posts and they are all great (to say the least), but this one was just really amazing.You proved how big a human can grow, you showed how much we can overcome struggles, YOU ARE ONE OF A KIND!!!I guess in the zchus of helping others with real מסירת נפש, Hashem gave/gives you the strength to keep strong.Thanks for keeping strong even in the hardest times, when you keep strong it makes all of us at GYE want to keep on going.May Hashem help you to have calm days, and be able to continue your עבודת הקודש with simcha and joy!!

HHM

All your posts are inspiring and especially this one!

No need to reset. Just continue what you've been doing for so long and may Hashem continue to give you the koach to inspire, support and guide so many others to living a happy and fulfilled life of kedusha.

I'm truly grateful for your friendship.

G4L

Dear HHM,

Thanks for sharing with us that powerful experience.  I'm not on the same level that you or some of the other more experienced members are to share "advice".  But your honesty is very refreshing and it appear you heeded the wake up call.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 21 May 2019 11:42:

Imho why should you reset? I don't know about GYE rules, but let's use common sense. If you didn't do a forbidden act, just got overwhelmed by images even if you fed it, all you did was in your mind. You stayed in control of your acts, and only acts are really quantifiable that you did it. We can control our actions not always our urges or thoughts, so in my opinion focusing too much on such an incident, going into guilt etc. is rather counter productive. As long as you stayed in control of your actions, just dismiss it, tap your back. You're doing great! Yes, you're human and things can happen to you. And takeh because you were so overtaken in the moment, and you stood your ground, you rather deserve congratulations! I wouldn't even encounter a thought about resetting. Definite, positive, no. Rather make a l'chaim.

p.s. This shouldn't be taken as to minimize the seriousness of bad thoughts. Even a fleeting thought is 'something' and probably, at some level each one counts. We don't see thought as 'something', so we tend to discount it's impact. But it's real, very very real. The less negative stuff that passes thru our mind, so much better off we are.

Thank you for the many responses here on the forum and via text email and phone. It is a zchus to be part of such a special tzibbur of very caring and supportive people. Your chizuk pulled me through a challenging day and a half. The dormant monster that was awakened and whose appetite was whetted BH appears to be going back into hibernation...….May Hashem repay you b'kiflei kiflayim.

We have to always be prepared. Yesterday I was driving in my neighborhood and I stopped by a red light directly behind a truck. The back door was a life size advertisement for the company using a woman who was already about 75% naked provocatively beginning to pull down her cut off shorts. You can all imagine the facial expressions and body twists of this still picture. (For heaven's sake, why is this legal? Why do kids have to see this?)  I slipped my glasses down on my nose and turned to the side. BH my wife was in the car and realized what was going on and told me that she will let me know when the coast is clear. BH I did not obsess about that image, but as expected it is still there (and will probably pop up a bit over the next few days) despite my having seen it for only about one second. Are we supposed to stop driving?!

Don't stop driving the car of life until after meah vesrim shana.
Hatzlocha Rabba

I think it's not about what we see, but HOW we see it. Do we find ourselves feeling like we are chasing that old high again, or do we actively give up our right to lust after the image/person.

HHM, I think your question is rather if we should run from society into the desert, (As Rambam says).
Regardless of driving, all of us have to deal with this more or less. Only, for those of us with a history of lust, it's so much harder as it instantly hits right thru our core. I guess that's why a baal tshuve is greater than a straight tzadik... What we can reasonably do, is minimizing our time outside when we know it will be challenging.

Erev Shavuos - a three day yom tov this year for those of us not in EY. My memories of Shavuos are a mixed bag. Even the years with much accomplishment in learning came with heavy acting out. What a "great feeling" to come home after a night of learning, davening vasikin, and right after kiddush masturbating..... For me, stress/anxiety has always been a major trigger. The lack of sleep, unstructured days, guilty feelings of not learning more or davening better, and the inability to regulate my emotions - to process even the good exciting feelings of yom tov, or the motzai yom tov blues, are a recipe for disaster.  Now I know I have to accept that I am an ok guy.....  Wishing all a geshmake peaceful fulfilling sparkling clear yom tov and a similar return to the daily grind afterwards.

The Rambam says it's an issur d'rabanan for a nazir to go to an event where people are drinking wine - he should distance himself very much being that the michshol is right there. He quotes the gmara,"Tell the nazir do not enter a vineyard, detour around it". Many of us feel like wimps or that our core is rotten since we need filters and gedarim to stay clean. Am i not supposed to stay pure by myself? Thats a big mistake. Chazal recognize human nature and tell the nazir "Hashem wants you to avoid nisyonos". Of course in the era we live in there will be nisyonos. We will sometimes "end up in the vineyard" and have to be strong and "not eat the grapes". However in our daily lives Hashem wants us to protect ourselves as much as we can and be proud doing so.

Dear HHM,

Haven't seen you posting much lately.  I'm missing your nuggets of wisdoms! 

Dave M wrote on 03 Sep 2019 16:17:

Thank you for noticing my absence. It's a good feeling that someone cares... BH all is fine here, just it has been a very busy pre-summer and summer. I also find that the majority of my "GYE time" is spent these days on the phone, where so much more can iyh be accomplished. However, b'ezras Hashem the posts will continue....

Every once in a while I have the opportunity to meet in person a GYE chaver that has been in touch by phone. So far this has almost always been after many many conversations and months of communication. Of course usually we are in for a surprise. The pictures we conjured up about how each of us looks, dresses, age etc are many times totally off. However the simcha  upon meeting, shaking hands, and hugging a yid with whom we have made a "neshomo connection" is indescribable. It completely transcends the physical world, even bridging religious/cultural differences that normally would minimize contact. And the assistance it gives those of us struggling is enormous. To see with my own eyes these tzaddikim who are on the front lines, facing daily challenges from the toxic environment around us, and yet not giving up is super inspirational. Maybe try it. Hatzlocha.

Watching the three 9's turning into 1000 is a humbling event. I daven to Hashem that He be gomel chessed with everyone here, as He was with me, and allow everyone to witness that number change and what it signifies. Iyh more to follow, but it is quite late for now...…...