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Shteeble's collection of inspiration
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If you've made progress - thank G-d, double your merit by inspiring others as well! Post the tips and advice that worked best for you in your journey to sobriety or tell us about recommendations you heard from others that work.

TOPIC: Shteeble's collection of inspiration 16249 Views

Re: world's collection of inspiration 28 Oct 2010 19:39 #81859

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#16

Two people can outwardly be doing the very same thing, (like shmiras habris for example),
and yet on the "inside", they are completely different.

1) you can be doing shmiras habris by running frantically from the y"h,
thereby feeling pressure, fear, anxiety, and eventual exhuastion,
which in the end can lead to a fall.
Why?
It is the VERY stress and anxiety of this type of approach which beckons us to return to the acting out,
in order to sooth our pains so to speak.

2)  you can be doing shmiras habris by RUNNING towards Hashem, instead of running FROM the y"h.
Your entire focus contrary to the above, is one of GOING somewhere that I wish to be (hashem), rather than running from a place I am frightened of. The first option produces anxiety which can feed the problem, the second, i.e running TO Hashem's palace will produce a different type of feeling.....because you are doing something completely different. You are building and strengthening yourself with each step, as opposed to the "fleeing", which causes tiredness with each step."
Last Edit: 16 Oct 2016 16:31 by Shteeble.

Re: world's collection of inspiration 08 Nov 2010 11:21 #83403

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#17

The Yetzer Hara's biggest tool in getting people to sin, is depression.

One way to always remain happy is to remember that everything we go through in life -
including all of the "unfulfilled" desires that we think we need
and all the suffering that we endure,
is all only for our good.

We are designed and programmed by Hashem to attain lasting pleasure.
That's our function.
Hashem is not stingy.
He wants us to have the premium --
the greatest possible pleasure...
just like most parents want nothing less for their children.
Anything less than the very best would smack of imperfection, in contradiction to Hashem's perfect essence.

We must believe that this is the best possible world,
since it is a reflection of Hashem's perfection.
"Since Hashem desired to bestow good, a partial good would not be sufficient.
The good that He bestows would have to be the ultimate good that His handiwork could accept."
(Derech Hashem, 1:2:1).

Since Hashem is perfect and has no needs, He cannot take; He only gives.
Creation is not for His benefit.
It is one continuous gift of pure altruism, an act of complete giving without getting anything in return.
"Hashem's purpose in creation was to bestow of His good to another."
[Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto, Derech Hashem, 1:2:1].

One way to perfect this frame of mind of how Hashem deals with us, is to look at how we deal with our own kids.
We all know that kids hate school and would rather stay home.
So why do we parents force them to go?
Obviously we want the best for them, but they are too young to understand that we are leading them down a path of opportunity and lifelong fulfillment for their own good.
However, if the child would truly trust that the parent wanted only the best for him, the child would be able to keep a happy frame of mind while going to school.
He would be just as happy as an adult who was accepted to a big-name university to study for a prestigious degree for the job of his dreams.

Obviously, this frame of mind requires a lot of faith,
but if we work on it enough we can be given the gift by Hashem to start to truly feel it.
And with this frame of mind, a man can achieve the ultimate happiness and be saved from sin.
Every test we go through is another step towards graduation in this incredible opportunity of a school called "Life".
Keep happy, you are in the best school possible and your teacher is none-other than Hashem himself!

(chizuk email 47)
Last Edit: 28 Oct 2016 18:09 by Shteeble.

Re: world's collection of inspiration 08 Nov 2010 11:28 #83404

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#18

"It's all about "Surrender", "Surrender", "Surrender".

Hashem puts us through so much in our lives just so that we learn to surrender to him,
i.e. to realize that we can't do it alone and that we need him for every step of the way.

This is not only a philosophy to help someone break free of an addiction,
it is true in everything in our lives.
It applies to they way Hashem has dealt, and deals, with Klal Yisroel as a whole--throughout history, from when we left Mitzrayim until today in Eretz Yisroel where we are surrounded by enemies on all sides and still keep thinking we can do without Hashem.
( Click here for a video about this idea).

It applies to being successful in earning a living,
in finding a true life partner,
in being healed from disease,
in having peace in life,
and in everything that we strive for.

As long as we still think we can go it alone, we will keep stumbling, falling and suffering.
This is because by thinking we can do it ourselves, we close ourselves to Hashem.
Our vessel becomes full of the "self" and there's no room left for Hashem.
The minute we start to let Hashem take care of everything, and acknowledge to him that we can't do it on our own and we need his constant help, we enable ourselves to become a vessel for Hashem's infinite bounty, and we will start to see success in all areas, from our jobs to victory over the yetzer horah!"

(chizuk email 51)
Last Edit: 30 Oct 2016 10:01 by Shteeble.

Re: world's collection of inspiration 03 Jan 2011 16:27 #91678

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#19
ZemirosShabbos wrote on 03 Jan 2011 16:06:

Stress and discontent (among other things) are what drive us to seek out our preferred drug, be it porn or mastubation or whatnot. when those little voices go off in my head saying, "oh, poor me, i did/did not get this or the other thing and i really need it, the wife/boss/friend made a funny-face at me/insulted me, i have too little money/time/kids/cars/houses/ears whatever... why not go for some relaxation and get some much deserved pleasure..."

that is the voice of addiction, the voice of the yetzer hara, whatever you prefer to call it.

trying to sell me a medication that guarantees that i will never finish the prescription, with life-long refills.

lusting will not make me happy, relaxed or feel accomplished. it will destroy my spark of life and turn me into a shell. a spent shell. it will destroy my connection to Hashem, my wife, my kids, my friends and last but not least, to GYE .

so if i feel stressed, i at least am aware of the fact and know that i need to keep safe and not vent by taking poison. some may prefer kickboxing. some may prefer jogging, origami, or making some new cholint recipe.

Last Edit: 30 Oct 2016 10:04 by Shteeble.

Re: world's collection of inspiration 19 May 2011 03:23 #106330

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#20

"It is important to limit the amount of sites we visit to a small list,
and question anytime we feel the need to visit a site that is not on the list."

(Handbook tool 2)
Last Edit: 02 Nov 2016 14:33 by Shteeble.

Re: world's collection of inspiration 20 May 2011 21:53 #106517

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#21

"So let's sign up today and make sure to read each day's Chizuk e-mail.

The Yetzer Hara will do his best to get us to ignore the e-mails after a while,
but if we are determined to break free - we must make sure to read and internalize their messages every day.
Like drops of water on Rabbi Akiva's rock, a little Chizuk every day can make a very strong impression over time."

(handbook  tool #4)
Last Edit: 02 Nov 2016 14:36 by Shteeble.

Re: world's collection of inspiration 30 May 2011 22:08 #107418

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shteeble, forgive me for intruding on your personal thread, but you are amazing!
I've been trying to find for myself the proper way to use this forum. I felt that the constant posting is too much and for me pointless. But living without it has become too dangerous. As you said so perfectly
Shteeble wrote on 20 May 2011 21:53:

So let's sign up today and make sure to read each day's Chizuk e-mail. The Yetzer Hara will do
his best to get us to ignore the e-mails after a while, but if we are determined to break free - we
must make sure to read and internalize their messages every day. Like drops of water on Rabbi
Akiva's rock, a little Chizuk every day can make a very strong impression over time.


handbook  tool #4

we have the tools: emails, handbooks, etc...
yet the YH tells us you dont need that, and we end up ignoring the e mails and stop reading the handbooks thinking that weve seen it all already.
We need constant reminders of what we already know!
I am indebted to you for opening my eyes.
ישראל אע"פ שחטא ישראל הוא
If you're connected above, you won't fall down below - Reb Shlomo
ולבי חלל בקרבי
לולא האמנתי לראות בטוב ה' בארץ חיים
Last Edit: by .

Re: world's collection of inspiration 14 Jun 2011 03:59 #108601

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#22

"And even if we may have had some freedom of choice at the time we fell,
it could be that we had very little.
The aveiros we did are only judged according to the circumstances and the level of free will that we had at the time.
Only Hashem knows if we could have done better or not.

But when we talk about the present moment,
we can never know how much free will we have,
and we must always try our very best."


(Attitude Handbook Attitude #6)
Last Edit: 29 Nov 2016 16:54 by Shteeble.

Re: Shteeble's collection of inspiration 17 Jun 2011 04:33 #108881

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#23

"Later on, Rav Tzadok explains (based on the Zohar) that the Dor Hamabul and the Dor Hamidbar, who received the Torah, shared the same souls.
And he explains that the reason is based on the above principle.
The Dor Hamabul's major sin was spilling seed,
as is well known from all the kabalistic oriented seforim,
and the Dor Hamidbar were Zoche to receive the Torah.

Rav Tzadok explains that the spiritual energy is one and the same.
The fake desire for lust is the flip side of the same coin of a true desire for Torah and spirituality.

And he explains further, that this generation will appear once again in the days before Moshiach,
where the spiritual Kochos will once again succeed in overpowering the koach of lust."


(Attitude Handbook  Attitude 17)
Last Edit: 29 Nov 2016 16:57 by Shteeble.

Re: Shteeble's collection of inspiration 17 Jun 2011 04:46 #108882

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#24

Overhauling our character traits

If we continue to experience falls again and again, then something far more fundamental in our character traits may be absent.
The addiction is often a sign that we are missing some of the most basic principles of what it means to be a human being, created in the image of Hashem.

The emotional maturity of an addict can often be at the level of a two year old.
When we don’t get what we want, we feel like crying, kicking and screaming.
We never learned how to deal properly with pain, anxiety, resentment, stress or anger.
We have always used the addiction to hide inside ourselves,
and we refrained from mature emotional interaction with others.

While our peers were growing up and learning about life from the world around them,
we were zoning out into our fantasy worlds of self-pleasure and escape.
And so we often remained as emotionally immature as a little child.

I attended an AA meeting where the speaker was celebrating his 20th year of sobriety.
He began by saying, “The man I once was, drank. And the man I once was, will drink again” (but the man I am today, will not).
Alcoholics who have not had a drink for many years but have not overhauled their character are “dry drunks” and will often drink again.

The same is true for this addiction.

How does one become a different person?
By working diligently on improving one’s character traits.
Learning how to manage anger,
to rid oneself of resentments,
to overcome hate,
to be humble,
to be considerate of others,
to be absolutely honest in all one’s affairs,
to admit being wrong,
to overcome envy,
to be diligent and overcome procrastination.

When one has transformed one’s character and has become a different person,
one will find that this “new person” can accomplish things that the old person could not.


(Attitude Handbook Attitude #18)
Last Edit: 29 Nov 2016 21:14 by Shteeble.

Re: Shteeble's collection of inspiration 21 Jun 2011 04:16 #109183

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#25

Hashem looks at our efforts, not the results.

Hashem doesn’t seek great successes and big achievements from us.
Whether we succeed in a big way or not, is ultimately His business.

All he asks from us is that we try to get a little stronger every day,
and do what we can at this point in time.

Our struggle with the Yetzer Hara is even more precious to Hashem than our ultimate success in breaking free.
Hashem has enough great and powerful Malachim in Shamayim,
but only humans struggle with the Yetzer Hara and can give Hashem Nachas Ruach through that.

It is brought down in the sefer Menucha v'Kedusha, written by a talmid of R' Chaim Volozhiner,
that even a person who sins his whole life can still be considered a Tzadik,
as long as he never gives up and always continues to fight.

We like to think of success in terms of results.
But Hashem looks at our efforts, not at the results.


(Attitude Handbook  Attitude #25)
Last Edit: 29 Nov 2016 23:15 by Shteeble.

Re: Shteeble's collection of inspiration 26 Sep 2011 02:42 #120288

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#26

When we talk about "surrender" in the first step,
it doesn't mean "falling", at all.
Those who surrender do not act out. They never do.
It makes one free of the lust because we get out of Hashem's way and allow Him -
yes, allow Him - to remove it. At least temporarily.
It is in surrendering that we let go of the lust "opportunity".

The surrender (or "giving up") is of two things simultaneously:
1 - the lust opportunity
2 - the need to overcome the overwhelming desire.

Those who think that "giving up" has anything whatsoever to do with giving in to the temptation have never done it themselves yet, and have not yet tasted this derech of recovery.


(Dov in Chizuk email #803 )
Last Edit: 30 Nov 2016 10:53 by Shteeble.

Re: Shteeble's collection of inspiration 26 Sep 2011 12:22 #120299

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#27


Be'H I will complete my second year of no porn / zera livatala very soon.

To me, shmiras habris is the most important thing in the world.

My first year's tactic was to read GYE and other material as much as I could.

This past year, I decided to just not think about it at all, because thinking about not thinking about this kinda stuff still leaves it in your head.

It did work in a lot of ways, and it did wonders for keri too,
but since I am not constantly reiterating the importance,
I've been feeling the need to be mitchezek recently and so I hope to start posting more on this forum.


(shmiras in chizuk email 802)
Last Edit: 14 May 2021 12:37 by Shteeble.

Re: Shteeble's collection of inspiration 26 Sep 2011 12:23 #120300

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#28


Lev tahor.
That's the goal here.
It's what we all want.
And yet, as we promise ourselves and Hashem, day in and day out,
we attain levels, and sometimes there are slips... falls... r"l...

But in all of us, all the while, our hearts are crying and screaming to Hashem that we just want Him.
TATTEH, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK???
Can it be that Hashem will turn us down, when all we are doing is requesting His presence, requesting His closeness, His embrace?


(shmiras, ibid)
Last Edit: 14 May 2021 12:37 by Shteeble.

Re: Shteeble's collection of inspiration 27 Sep 2011 01:02 #120439

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#29


BS'D

I haven't posted much over the past months.
After I made that one time fall after 21 days on the 90 day chart, I felt like a nobody.
I kept falling and things got progressively worse over time R"L.

Then I started reading the AA-book
and now I really realize I am not in charge, but p***graphy is in charge of me.
I feel terrible. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
True I didn't even finish "Bills story yet, but I need some sore felt chizuk.
I feel like I am in the gutter,
I am being controlled by what really seems to be my rotzon for Taavah. 
How will I ever get out?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elya, moderator of the Thursday night Conference Call, responded:

You started your post with BS'D.
That's how you're going to get out.
When you surrender and give up that you can control fighting this addiction yourself, you'll begin to get better with His help.

This means not isolating
and going to meetings or making calls to a sponsor or friend on GYE.
It means reading the Handbook over and over again,
every night
until you can stop the behaviors for one day.
Then the next and the next.

Forget the 90 day chart.
One day at a time, from now on.

Join the phone groups.
Read what people say who go to the groups.
Yes they still struggle
but they have hope and friends to fall back on and discuss their stories.


(chizuk email number 808)
Last Edit: 14 May 2021 12:36 by Shteeble.
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