As I have whined about my marriage too many times on these forums i will keep it brief :-) 

In summary, (apart from everything else) I HATE my wife's approach to child rearing.  Yah I realize I'm supposed to suck it up, shut up, do tshuva and generally be so full of emunah that all the problems melt away.

So ... masturbation is my ABSOLUTELY FAVORITE way of escaping to a world of SWEETNESS which does not exist otherwise.

..........................


Then some reason  i started thinking about Avraham aveinu, and the sacrifice of his son. 

If he can happily let Hashem take his child as a sacrifice.... it must be for the best, so why can't I sacrifice 0.0000001% of what he did?

Is there some way I can think:  yes, I did what I could with my wife and child, it CLEARLY has no earthly solution, so I will let Hashem take over now so that I learn patience and quiteness at the cost of my child....? (surely if I had enough Emunah i'd know Hashem, will fix everything)


Has this appraoched ever worked for anyone?


And no before you ask my wife does NOT do counselling, or see doctors or anything.  Me niether, i just whine

Be a role model for your son - man to man and he will turn out fine,
as long as your wife is setting an example for him in making Shabbos
and Yom Tov a beautiful time instead of a hardship AND teaching
him midos along with you.  OY I'M SO TIRED
OY A THREE DAY TOM TOV AGAIN - THREE TIMES IN A ROW... GIVE ME A BREAK.

my wife (due to my stupidity and unbridled enthusiasm) now hates all things jewish.  Yes she does the candles, but yom tovim are a problem.  she need only see a beard and a big hat and she runs :-)

Dear 5770,

Did you or your wife read any of many excellent books on chinuch or parenting in general?

The information in these books can be as life changing as this website.

there is no way you can affect your wife attitude towards frumkiet. If you fight it will make it worse. Just be a great husband a big baal midos and she will come around just to please you. This takes great patience and a very long time in the end it will pay off. You must get a rabbi to guide you and coach you. Hatzlacha

Hi 5570,

I hope I’m not speaking out of place here, but I would love to help…

I do not think sitting back and leaving it up to H" will solve anything.

People chase after things that make them happy.
In my opinion, many people flee religion because they think it takes away all the joys they currently have.
The truth is actually the opposite - the more one learns about Judaism and practices, the happier one becomes and one starts to realise that those things (e.g. mast...) are only a temporary joy and do not bring long term happiness.

If you do something that makes you happy, your wife and child will follow, they will naturally want to share in your happiness.

The path I took, which I have seen work for others and has changed their lives as much as it has changed mine, was to start at the very beginning.

I think a problem is that some people are scared off because they see people doing stuff they can't picture themself doing right now, and it would be wrong to make someone who isn't very religious try keep Shabbos (for example) when they can't see themself being happy doing it.

Just a suggestion is that you begin with the very basics. If you are observant, it is a good refresher, if not, you can’t build anything on what society in general teaches, because that always falls down to the lowest common denominator.

There is a great book by Moshe Chaim Luzzatto - The path of God.
It is not like other religious books. It does not tell you what you can and can't do. What it does is explain the basics. It starts with chapters on "What is God" and "What is the purpose of creation" in very easy terms. Even non-Jews would not be pushed away by it.
I studied it with a Rabbi from Aish HaTorah and would recommend doing it with someone rather than on your own, but if that is too big a step feel free to take a look at the book first and contact a Rabbi or myself if you have questions.

I have started teaching it myself, to people who are religious and to those who barely make it to shul, and have seen lives change.

May God bless you with all the happiness you seek.

ToAdd.

thank you.