Dear caring members of the forum,

I spent Shavuos in Florida and I did not have access to GYE.org.  As a result I fell prey to loosening my grip on shmiras einyaim and I didn't maintain my daily posts.  Being in Florida's climate certainly didn't help because the females in that locale feel like they are entitled to dress like monkeys and have very little regard for covering themselves.  I felt that I didn't want to get tired or depressed in Florida and end up shlepping on the plane back to New York after a fall feeling dejected so I (subconsciously) waited to *astur*ate when I got home.  The bottom line is I had so much bottled up taiva from being Florida that I cascaded late last night and I lost all semblance of feeling ramifactions for my actions and I fell. 
I am not depressed right now because I tried to harnass my taiva while I was in Florida and I was at least able to hold out until I got home which in it of itself is an accomplishment. 
Anyway, here I am yet again in the rebuilding days.  The biggest motivator for me to succeed right now is that camp is coming up.  I want to come to the summer on a long *astur*ation free streak for two reaons.  1.) So I can feel my best physically and spiritually coming up to camp.  2.) During camp my nisyonos exist but they are very few and far between.  Therefore if I am able to to build a long streak before the summer I will be able to add the "easier" camp days to an already existing streak.

TrueRatzon

Sorry to hear about your struggles. You sound like a sincere guy with a lot on your plate. Just wondering why the camp time is easier for you? Part of the protection of being around frum people and doing avodas Hashem. Keep strong! Don't fall prey to feelings of failure. They are straight from the Yetzer HaRah!

Hi Yedidya Aleph,

Thanks for your compliments and your reply.  Sleep-away camp is easier for me on a few levels.  Firstly, there are no immodest females there.  Secondly, I don't have private internet access there.  Thirdly, there's not a lot of free time for me to get bogged down with bad machshavos.  Finally, I'm being mashpiah on children in camp.  I need to have lots of physical energy and I am motivated not to *astur*ate because ****rbation just makes me less upbeat and excited which is what I need to be as a division head in camp.

TrueRatzon