I really believe a lot of this has "clicked" for me.
Here's my matzav - I am married and my wife is pregnant, bsha tova in a month or so - meanwhile she was having some early labor symptoms so we were told no intimacy - and we know that after the birth, there is no intimacy for a while due to halacha and also the stress of having a new born.  So that means I probably will not be intimate for many months.
This was something that used to "freak me out."  We also know it is difficult to be single and to wait and we know what the halachos are - such that Chazal recommend getting married as soon as possible - while also always remembering that Hashem judges a person completely fairly and exactly where they are on an individual level, plumbing down to the depths of their soul, and who they are, based on the entire universe and all of time, and all of this person's past lives - to the point that GR''A z'l, in his unmatched genius and dveikus to Torah - was completely amazed most at the depth by which Hashem runs every detail in the universe in order to create each and every person's nisyonos exactly custom tailor fit to their shoresh neshama and place in the world, and He arranges all of this for each one in a coordinated fashion in the context of the entire briya past present and future - so even though this nisayon has a very general aspect to it, it is also extremely personal and completely and 100% unique as well for each and every yid on an individual level.

So there are single people who are tested very specifically to them, and married men tested very specifically to them, and each one's test is really extremely unique and deeply personal.  

HOWEVER, there is one inyan I think is definitely UNIVERSAL right now - and that is the WORLDWIDE CULTURAL BRAINWASHING that a person DESERVES ORGASM whenever they want it - and/or that they CANNOT SURVIVE WITHOUT AN ORGASM FOR X AMOUNT OF DAYS, OR ELSE THEY WILL POP, ch'v, etc.

It is very clear to me that this is absolutely CULTURAL BRAINWASHING.   Look at this amazing Ohr HaChayim ha Kadosh in parshas acharei mos, in my mind the best description of the real sugya on its general level:  www.sefaria.org/Or_HaChaim_on_Leviticus.18.2.1?lang=bi

Read through this very carefully, and it is extremely plain to see that the ikkar problem is the cultural brainwashing.  Really ask yourself - do I have to have an orgasm at x frequency to survive?  Do I "deserve" such a frequency?  Is my life not a life - am I like a walking dead man - if I do not have my orgasm at X interval?   Is my wife, or Hashem, not giving me what I deserve if I don't have my orgasm at X interval or frequency, or by X calendar date?

Please understand that to even think any of these things are true is societal cultral brainwashing from the surrounding culture.  To get rid of that brainwashing, to really question it, I think is the real ikkar to solve this whole thing.

Please email me at superfrumyid@gmail.com if you would like to discuss further.  

Here are the beautiful words of the Ohr HaChayim HaKadosh - again pay attention to just how much cultural brainwashing that is entirely antithetical to what it really means to be a Yid is the real culprit in all of these:

הִנֵּה יָדוּעַ הוּא כִּי כָל מִצְוֹת אֲשֶׁר צִוָּה ה׳ לְעַם קָדְשׁוֹ הֵם מִצְוֹת שֶׁיָּכוֹל הָאָדָם לַעֲמֹד בָּהֶם וְיַטֶּה עַצְמוֹ אֶל הָרָצוֹן לַעֲשׂוֹתָם, זוּלַת מִצְוַת פְּרִישַׁת הָעֲרָיוֹת הוּא דָּבָר שֶׁנַּפְשׁוֹ שֶׁל אָדָם מְחַמַּדְתָּן וְאוֹנַסְתּוֹ עֲלֵיהֶם לַעֲשׂוֹתָם, זוּלַת בְּהִתְעַצְּמוּת הַרְחָקַת שְׁנֵי דְּבָרִים מֵהָאָדָם, וְהֵם מֶרְחַק הֶרְגֵּשׁ רְאוּת הָעַיִן, וּמֶרְחַק בְּחִינַת הַחוֹשֵׁב, וְאִם שְׁנֵי אֵלּוּ לֹא יַעֲשֶׂה אֵין אָדָם שַׁלִּיט בָּרוּחַ זֶה לְכַלּוֹתָהּ מִמֶּנּוּ, כִּי כָל שֶׁלֹּא תִהְיֶה לוֹ הַרְחָקַת הֶרְגֵּשׁ הָרְאוּת בַּדָּבָר הֲגַם שֶׁיַּרְחִיק בְּחִינַת הַחוֹשֵׁב לֹא יִשְׁלֹט בְּעַצְמוֹ לְכַלּוֹת מִמֶּנּוּ הֶכְרֵחַ הַחֵשֶׁק. וְצֵא וּלְמַד (קידושין פא.) מִמַּעֲשֶׂה שֶׁל רַבִּי עַמְרָם רַבָּן שֶׁל חֲסִידִים, שֶׁהֲגַם הֱיוֹתוֹ מְשֻׁלָּל מִבְּחִינַת הַחוֹשֵׁב נִתְנַצַּח מִבְּחִינַת הָרְאוּת. גַּם מִמַּעֲשֶׂה רַבִּי מַתְיָא בֶּן חָרָשׁ (ילקוט שמעוני פרשת ויחי) שֶׁבָּחַר לְסַמּוֹת עֵינָיו לְמֵחוּשׁ הַכְרָחָה אֲשֶׁר מֵהֶם תָּבֹא בַּדָּבָר הָרַע, הֲגַם שֶׁהָיָה מְשֻׁלָּל מִבְּחִינַת הַחוֹשֵׁב כַּאֲשֶׁר מַעֲשָׂיו מוֹכִיחוֹת. גַּם אִם יֻשְׁלַל מִבְּחִינַת הָרְאוּת, אִם לֹא יַרְחִיק בְּחִינַת הַחוֹשֵׁב, מַחְשְׁבוֹתָיו יְחַיְּבוּ לְבַקֵּשׁ וּלְהִתְלַהֵט אַחַר הַמַּעֲשֶׂה. וְצֵא וּלְמַד מִמַּעֲשֶׂה שֶׁהוּבָא בַּשַּׁ״ס (עבודה זרה כב:) בְּאוֹתוֹ גּוֹי שֶׁקָּנָה יֶרֶךְ בָּשָׂר וְחָטַט בּוֹ כְּדֵי וְכוּ׳ וּבָעַל וְכוּ׳ עַד כָּאן. וְזֶה יִהְיֶה תּוֹלְדוֹת הַחוֹשֵׁב הִכְרִיחַתּוֹ עֲשׂוֹת מִבְּלִי בְּחִינַת הָרְאוּת. נִמְצֵאתָ אוֹמֵר שֶׁבְּאַחַת מֵהַשְּׁתַּיִם תִּהְיֶה מְשֻׁלֶּלֶת מֵהָאָדָם שְׁלִיטָה בְּעַצְמוֹ בְּדָבָר זֶה, וְאֵין צָרִיךְ לוֹמַר בְּהִצָּמֵד שְׁנֵי דְּבָרִים, רְאוּת וְחוֹשֵׁב, הֵן הָאָדָם חָלוּשׁ כְּנֶגֶד תַּאֲוָתוֹ, וְאֵין צָרִיךְ לוֹמַר אִם יִשְׁלַח יָדוֹ וְאָכַל מְעַט מִן הָרַע הַזֶּה, הִנֵּה הוּא מָסוּר בְּיַד תַּאֲוָתוֹ. מֵעַתָּה תַּחְבּוּלוֹת הָאָדָם לְהַעֲרִיךְ מִלְחָמָה נֶגֶד בְּחִינָה זוֹ הִיא בִּשְׁלִילַת מִמֶּנּוּ שְׁנֵי דְּבָרִים, וּבָזֶה תִּהְיֶה נִרְכֶּבֶת בָּאָדָם תְּכוּנָה לְבַל יִתְלַהֵט אַחַר זֶה וְיִשְׁלֹט הָרָצוֹן בַּחֵפֶץ הַטִּבְעִי, וְהוּא טַעַם אָמְרָם זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (ברכות לד:) בְּמָקוֹם שֶׁבַּעֲלֵי תְּשׁוּבָה עוֹמְדִים אֵין צַדִּיקִים גְּמוּרִין יְכוֹלִין לַעֲמֹד, כִּי הַצַּדִּיקִים גְּמוּרִים תְּכוּנַת רְצוֹנָם נוֹצַחַת הַחֵפֶץ מִבְּלִי צֹרֶךְ הִתְעַצְּמוּת, מַה שֶׁאֵין כֵּן בַּעֲלֵי תְּשׁוּבָה.

It is well known that a Jew is able to fulfil all the commandments G'd has demanded of His people without suffering undue hardship and that he can develop a tendency to do so willingly. The only exception to this rule is the commandment to refrain from certain sexual unions. The נפש, animalistic life-force within man, exercises a powerful influence over man urging him to disregard those commandments. The Israelite can successfully battle this urge only if he a) controls his visual contact with the opposite sex and b) if he controls his fantasizing. If a person fails to control these two senses he will fall victim to temptation. If a person does not limit his visual contact with the opposite sex, the fact that he does not think about it does not guarantee that he will not be aroused through visual contact. You may learn a valuable lesson in the psychology of sexual attraction from the following incident reported in Kidushin 81. Rav Amram who was the Rabbi of the pious, had a number of female prisoners whose freedom was bought by the community of Nehardea brought to his house. He gave them accomodation in the upper floor in his house and disconnected the stairs to that floor to prevent men from visiting there. It happened that one of these women passed the place where the ladder used to stand and Rabbi Amram felt as if he had seen a bright light, i.e. the beauty of that woman made a powerful impression upon him and he felt a strong attraction to her. He brought a ladder which was so heavy that it took ten people to move it and moved it single-handedly to climb to the upper floor. By the time he had climbed half the rungs of the ladder he managed to control his lust and cried out: "Amram! the house is on fire!" As soon as people heard him they came running and observed that Rabbi Amram was standing half way up that ladder. The rabbis scolded him for having caused them embarassment as it was clear to all of them what had prompted Rabbi Amram to call out. So he told them it was better they should be embarrassed on his behalf in this world than to have to be embarassed by him when they would meet him in the Hereafter. He made the evil urge swear an oath to stop tempting him and the latter swore such an oath. Thereupon he said to Satan: "see here, you are fire and I am only flesh; I have proven now that though I am flesh I am stronger than you." The story proves that even though Rabbi Amram had not been able to control his thoughts, as long as he was not aroused by looking at the object of his lust he was able to fight his impulses. There is another story told in Yalkut Shimoni parshat Vayechi in which someone had himself blinded in order to withstand the lure of the evil urge to commit sexual offences. If exposure to even one of these causes of temptation is dangerous, how much more so is it impossible to fight off temptation which is the result of both a lively imagination and the visual allure of the object of one's fantasy. The author lists a few more examples of the deadly nature of combining fantasy with visual allure. When one is exposed to both these temptations they are almost impossible to resist. The author explains the statement in Berachot 34 that "in the place where the rehabilitated sinners stand, the perfectly righteous are not able to stand," as meaning that the perfectly righteous never had to battle his sexual urges, whereas the rehabilitated sinner "stood still," i.e. arrested his urge to run towards the object of his temptation only after a battle with his evil urge.

וּבָזֶה נָבוֹא אֶל הַבֵּאוּר. הִנֵּה הָאָדוֹן ה׳ צְבָאוֹת נִתְחַכֵּם בְּצַוּוֹתוֹ מִצְוָה זוֹ וְדִבֵּר נֶגֶד יֵצֶר הָרַע, שֶׁיֹּאמַר אֵיךְ יָכוֹל אֱנוֹשׁ טִבְעִי לִמְשׁוֹל בְּתַאֲוָתוֹ אֲשֶׁר הִיא אֲנָסַתּוֹ? דָּבָר זֶה הוּא מְשֻׁלָּל מֵהַדַּעַת שֶׁיְּחַיֵּב ה׳ שְׁמִירָתוֹ לַכֹּל בְּהַשְׁוָאָה, אֶלָּא לַאֲנָשִׁים אֲשֶׁר יְכוֹלִין לַעֲמֹד וְיֵשׁ כֹּחַ בִּרְצוֹנָם לִשְׁלֹל הַחֵפֶץ בָּזֶה, וְהֵם אוֹתָם שֶׁלֹּא בָּאוּ לִידֵי מִבְחַן הָרְאוּת וְהַחוֹשֵׁב, בְּאֵלּוּ וְכַדּוֹמֶה דִּבֵּר הַכָּתוּב. אֲבָל בְּמִי שֶׁעָבְרוּ בְּחִינָה הַנִּזְכָּר כְּפִי הַטֶּבַע אֵין אָדָם שַׁלִּיט בְּרוּחוֹ לִמְנֹעַ מֵעַצְמוֹ חֵשֶׁק הַמַּכְרִיחוֹ. וְעַל זֶה נִתְכַּוֵּן ה׳ בְּנֹעַם דִּבְרֵי אֱלֹהִים חַיִּים וְאָמַר כְּמַעֲשֵׂה אֶרֶץ מִצְרַיִם אֲשֶׁר יְשַׁבְתֶּם, פֵּרוּשׁ, הֲגַם שֶׁיְּשַׁבְתֶּם בְּמָקוֹם שֶׁאֲנָשֶׁיהָ בְּנֵי זְנוּנִים וְלֹא תִמָּנַע מִכֶּם בְּחִינַת הַחוֹשֵׁב לְצַד יְשִׁיבַתְכֶם בֵּינֵיהֶם כָּל הַזְּמַן הַהוּא, כְּאָמְרוֹ אֲשֶׁר יְשַׁבְתֶּם בָּהּ, וְאֵין יְשִׁיבָה אֶלָּא עַכָּבָה, וְזֶה יְסוֹבֵב תִּגְבֹּרֶת הַחֵפֶץ בָּכֶם, אַף עַל פִּי כֵן אָנֹכִי מְצַוֶּה אֶתְכֶם שֶׁתִּתְעַצְּמוּ לְנַצֵּחַ הַחֵשֶׁק לְבַל תַּעֲשׂוּ כְּמַעֲשֵׂיהֶם.This brings us to the commentary on our verse. The Lord G'd was very clever in giving this commandment. He explained to us that an ordinary person who finds himself in the throes of sexual passion need not say that the fight against his evil urge is doomed to failure anyway. G'd does not demand anything of us which we are incapable of delivering. If He did not know that given the proper circumstances which we ourselves can create we are able to fulfill what He expects from us, He would not have given such a commandment. G'd expects His commandment to test only those people who have first taken measures not to expose themselves visually to such temptation or to indulge in fantasies arousing their desire. If a person did not take the above-mentioned precautions to help him fight temptation based on his sexual urge he is not likely to withstand temptation when it comes his way. This is what the Torah hinted at when it wrote כמעשה ארץ מצרים אשר ישבתם, meaning that although you resided in a country such as Egypt which is a centre of sexual permissiveness and you were therefore not able to avoid thinking about such temptations, I still command you to triumph over your evil urge. The word ישיבה is a metaphor for inactivity, for an inhibition. The Torah refers to the Jewish people who displayed the ability to resist sexual temptation while they were surrounded by it. This encouraged G'd to legislate such resistance to temptation in an environment which would be more friendly to those who wish to resist temptation. You are not to emulate the actions of the Egyptians.

וְאָמַר עוֹד וּכְמַעֲשֵׂה אֶרֶץ כְּנַעַן אֲשֶׁר אֲנִי מֵבִיא אֶתְכֶם שָׁמָּה וְגוֹ׳, פֵּרוּשׁ, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאַתֶּם בָּאִים לְמָקוֹם אֲשֶׁר שָׁם הִרְגִּיעָה שֵׁדָהּ שֶׁל בְּחִינַת הָרַע הַזֶּה, וְנִמְצָא בְּחִינַת הַחוֹשֵׁב מִתְעוֹרֶרֶת, אַף עַל פִּי כֵן מְחַיֵּב אֲנִי אֶתְכֶם לְבִלְתִּי עֲשׂוֹת כְּמַעֲשֵׂיהֶם.At the same time, G'd continues: "though I will bring you to a country in which you will be constantly aroused by seeing sexual permissiveness all around you so that you would not even have to exercise your imagination in order to become aroused, I demand from you not to copy their activities."

וּלְצַד שֶׁיֹּאמַר אָדָם כִּי אֵין מַעְצוֹר בְּרוּחוֹ בְּדָבָר זֶה, לָכֵן הִקְדִּים ה׳ בִּתְחִלָּה דְּבָרוֹ הַטּוֹב וְאָמַר דַּבֵּר אֶל בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל וְאָמַרְתָּ אֲלֵהֶם אֲנִי ה׳ אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, כִּי הֵן אֱמֶת בְּמִין אֱנוֹשִׁי זוּלַת יִשְׂרָאֵל יֶשְׁנוֹ בְּטַעֲנָה זוֹ, כִּי לֹא יִמָּצֵא בְּכֹחוֹ לִמְנֹעַ עֹצֶם חֶשְׁקוֹ מִמֶּנּוּ, מַה שֶׁאֵין כֵּן אַתֶּם בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל לְצַד הֱיוֹתִי ה׳ אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, וְהִיא הַשָּׂגָה אֱלֹהִית, בַּכֹּחַ הָאֱלֹהִי יְנֻצַּח כֹּחַ הַטִּבְעִי גַּשְׁמִי, כִּי הַצּוּרָה תִּשְׁלֹט בַּחֹמֶר כְּשֶׁיַּסְכִּים אִישׁ יִשְׂרָאֵל לְהִתְדַּבֵּק בַּה׳ אֱלֹהָיו יִשְׁלֹט בְּטִבְעוֹ. וְהוּא כְּמַאֲמָרָם זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (בראשית רבה פל״ד) שֶׁאָמְרוּ: הַצַּדִּיקִים לִבָּם מָסוּר בְּיָדָם וְהָרְשָׁעִים הֵם מְסוּרִים בְּיַד לִבָּם. הַכַּוָּנָה בָּזֶה כִּי הַחֵפֶץ וְהַחֵשֶׁק יֶשְׁנוֹ בְּלֵב הָאָדָם, וְהָרָצוֹן הוּא בְּמֹחוֹ, וְהֵם שְׁתֵּי מַדְרֵגוֹת שֶׁנָּתַן הָאָדוֹן בִּבְנֵי אָדָם, וּכְשֶׁתִּזְדַּמֵּן לָאָדָם דְּבַר עֶרְוָה הַלֵּב חוֹמְדָהּ, וְאֵין גְּמָר בְּחִמּוּד זֶה, וְיָכוֹל הָרָצוֹן הַתָּלוּי בַּמֹּחַ לִמְנֹעַ הַחֵפֶץ וְלֹא יַעֲשֶׂנּוּ הֲגַם שֶׁיַּחְמֹד. הֲלֹא תִמְצָא בִּבְנֵי אָדָם שֶׁמְּקַבְּלִים תַּעֲנִית, הֲגַם שֶׁהַחֵפֶץ יִתְגַּבֵּר בָּהֶם לֶאֱכֹל יָבֹא הָרָצוֹן וְיִמְנָעֶנּוּ, וְכֵן עַל זֶה הַדֶּרֶךְ. וְצַדִּיקִים תָּמִיד מִתְנַהֲגִים כְּסֵדֶר זֶה וְלִבָּם מָסוּר בְּיָדָם, שֶׁהֲגַם שֶׁיִּתְאַוּוּ תַּאֲוָה בְּלִבָּם יִבְחַר הַשֵּׂכֶל שֶׁהִיא הַנְּשָׁמָה, וְאִם יֶשְׁנוֹ בְּאַזְהָרָה מֵה׳ אוֹ מִכְּלָלֵי הַתִּעוּב, יִשְׁלֹל הָרָצוֹן בּוֹ וְיִמְנַע הַחֵפֶץ הֲגַם שֶׁיֶּשְׁנוֹ. אֲבָל הָרְשָׁעִים הֵם מְסוּרִים בְּיַד לִבָּם, לְכָל אֲשֶׁר יָבֹא הַחֵפֶץ בַּלֵּב לֹא יִמְנָעֵהוּ הָרָצוֹן. וְאוּלַי כִּי אֵין לָהֶם נְשָׁמָה, אוֹ שֶׁכְּבָר פְּגָמוּהָ וְנִכְנַעַת הִיא לִפְנֵי הָרוּחַ שֶׁבַּלֵּב. וְלָכֵן אָמַר ה׳ כִּי אֲנִי ה׳ אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, פֵּרוּשׁ לֶהֱיוֹת שֶׁבְּחִינַת הַנְּשָׁמָה בָּהּ ה׳ מַשְׁרֶה אוֹר שְׁכִינָתוֹ בָּאָדָם בְּסוֹד (תהלים עח:ס) ״אֹהֶל שִׁכֵּן בָּאָדָם״, וּמִצַּד זֶה יֵשׁ כֹּחַ בָּאָדָם לְנַצֵּחַ הַחֵפֶץ לִפְנֵי הָרָצוֹן.As far as someone saying that he is unable to control his thoughts in this manner, the Torah introduced this commandment by the repeated דבר אל בני ישראל ואמרת אליהם אני ה׳ אלוקיכם, "speak and say to the children of Israel I am the Lord your G'd," that while it is quite true that the human species as such finds it almost impossible to control their fantasies regarding their sexual passions this is not so in the case of Israelites seeing that the Lord is our G'd. Our affinity to G'd enables us to master drives which are of a purely biological nature. As soon as an Israelite has agreed to cleave to G'd this means that G'd in His turn dominates his nature, i.e. that the צורה תשלוט בחומר, "mind controls matter." This is in accordance with the statement of our sages in Beresh*t Rabbah 34,11 that the hearts of the righteous are under their control whereas the wicked are controlled by their hearts. What the Midrash means is that the heart is the seat of man's desires whereas the seat of his will-power is his mind, his brain. G'd has granted man two separate levels of decision-making power. In matters of the libido the heart is the dominating factor, though the will situated in and controlled by the brain is capable of overriding the urges of the heart and prevent it from carrying out its urge. You find that people are able to impose fasts on themselves through sheer will-power though they have a strong urge to eat and drink, an urge that originates in their hearts. The same is true of people's ability to overrule their hearts' craving to indulge their sexual urges. The righteous always conduct themselves in this manner, their hearts being controlled by their will-power in spite of any urges originating in their hearts which they may experience. Their שכל, intelligence, i.e. their soul, makes the choice of how to act. If, moreover, G'd has warned us not to indulge in certain activities or that He has made it plain that certain categories of activities are abhorrent to Him, the rightous will desist from idulging his urge even if He did not spell out any specific penalty in that context. As a result, the will of a righteous person does not experience any difficulty in curbing the craving to indulge in such an activity. The wicked, on the other hand, are so captive to the urgings originating in their hearts that their will is not powerful enough to restrain their hearts. Perhaps this is due to their not possessing a נשמה, soul, (in the case of Gentiles) or that their soul has already become too contaminated by their behaviour so that it has submitted to other forces within the personality of the body it inhabits. G'd said: כי אני ה׳ אלוקיכם, that due to our נשמה in which some divinity resides, we the Israelites are able to successfully combat the cravings of our libido. Compare Psalms 78,60: אהל שכן באדם, "the tent He set within man." In this verse G'd refers to the soul in man as a form of Tabernacle. It is this which lends the Israelite the strength to cope with even the strongest temptations of the evil urge.

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וּ...נַחְזוֹר לָעִנְיָן שֶׁבָּאנוּ עָלָיו, כִּי בְּחִינַת הַחוֹשֵׁב בִּדְבַר עֶרְוָה תַּגְבִּיר הַחֵפֶץ וְתַשְׁלִיטֶנּוּ בָּרָצוֹן, וְלֹא יֻשַּׂג הַנִּצָּחוֹן הַחֵפֶץ אֶלָּא דַּוְקָא בְּאֶמְצָעוּת הַרְחָקַת הַדָּבָר מִדַּעְתּוֹ וּמַחְשַׁבְתּוֹ לְבַל רְאוֹת הַכִּעוּר וְלֹא יַחְשֹׁב בּוֹ, אֲבָל אִם עֵינָיו יַבִּיטוּ בַּדָּבָר הִנֵּה הוּא מִסְתַּכֵּן, וּכְמַעֲשֵׂה דָּוִד הַמֶּלֶךְ עָלָיו הַשָּׁלוֹם כְּשֶׁנִּסְבַּב הַדָּבָר וְרָאָה מַה שֶׁרָאָה (שמואל ב יא:ב) נִתְעוֹרֵר לִבּוֹ שֶׁהָיָה חָלָל וְעָשָׂה מַעֲשָׂיו. וַאֲפִלּוּ תְּחִלַּת הַמַּחְשָׁבָה בְּדָבָר זֶה תִּגְרֹם תִּגְבֹּרֶת וְהוֹלָדַת טִבְעִיּוּת הַחֵפֶץ וְתִגְבָּרְתּוֹ, וְלָזֶה נִתְחַכֵּם חֲכַם הַחֲכָמִים שְׁלֹמֹה הַמֶּלֶךְ עָלָיו הַשָּׁלוֹם וְאָמַר (משלי א:י): ״בְּנִי אִם יְפַתּוּךָ חַטָּאִים״ – פֵּרוּשׁ בְּחִינַת הַחֵטְא – ״אַל תֹּאבֶה״ – פֵּרוּשׁ לֹא תִּכָּנֵס עִם פִּתּוּיֶיךָ בְּטוֹעֵן וְנִטְעָן, כִּי אֲרִיכוּת הַרְגָּשַׁת הַחוֹשֵׁב אֲפִלּוּ לִבְחִינַת הַשּׁוֹלֵל תַּפְעִיל הַגְבָּרַת הַחֵפֶץ וְתַהֲפֹךְ הָרָצוֹן אֵלֶיהָ. וּמִצְוַת ה׳ בָּרָה בָּאָה עַל הַדָּבָר בִּבְחִינַת דִּבּוּר וַאֲמִירָה, דִּבּוּר – לוֹמַר גְּזֵרַת מֶלֶךְ הִיא דְּבַר מֶלֶךְ שִׁלְטוֹן, אֲמִירָה – לְשׁוֹן מַעֲנֶה רַךְ וּלְשׁוֹן רוֹמְמוּת, לְצַד שֶׁהֵם יֶשְׁנָם בְּמַדְרֵגָה זוֹ לֵאמֹר עֲלֵיהֶם אֲנִי ה׳ אֱלֹהֵיכֶם לְיַחֵד שְׁמוֹ יִתְבָּרַךְ עֲלֵיהֶם. גַּם מַעֲלָה גְּדוֹלָה הִיא לְשׁוֹמֵר בְּרִיתוֹ, וְהִיא הַהַדְרָגָה שֶׁאֵין לְמַעְלָה מִמֶּנָּה, לָזֶה אָמַר וְאָמַרְתָּ:Let us now go back to the main subject under discussion, the Israelite's imagination as applied to matters concerning his libido. The more he thinks about this subject the more his desire becomes aroused making it harder for his רצון, will, to control his emotions, the urges rooted in his being flesh and blood. Whereas normally, one needs to concentrate on the subject of G'd's commandments in order to ensure that one fulfils them in the best way possible, in this case one must avoid even thinking about it so that one does not see the object of one's desire with one's eyes. The moment one looks upon the object in question one places one's innocence in jeopardy. We know that King David fell victim to his carnal urges as a result of looking at Bat Sheva (Samuel II 11,2) bathing on the roof of her house. Up until that moment David's heart which had been devoid of lust had not been aroused. He did what he did only as a result of what he saw with his eyes. The moment one begins to think carnal thoughts one's temptation is reinforced, and as a result this makes preoccupation with carnal thoughts appear as something natural. The wise Solomon was fully aware of this and this is why he wrote in Proverbs 1,10: "my son, if sinners entice you, do not consent." He meant that one should not engage in arguing with anyone who tries to entice one to sin. (I am adding - do not argue with the cultural brainwashing described above...) The mere fact that one argues about it already strengthens the forces of temptation. When David said in Psalms 19,9 that the precepts of G'd are clear and brilliant, he referred to the expressions דבור and אמירה respectively, i.e. that on the one hand G'd gave clear directives, i.e. like the decree of a king, דבור; on the other hand, He also phrased this commandment as אמירה, as a soft-spoken one, the kind of tone one adopts with highly placed people and He asked Moses to tell them that He is their G'd, i.e. to bestow His Holy Name on them. There is no greater tribute G'd can pay to a people.

This is a really "shtarke shtikel", thank you for sharing it!

I feel for you in your matzav,  I am in a similar one (BH only for good reasons:grinning:)