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TOPIC: Im stuck 258 Views

Im stuck 16 Aug 2023 20:56 #399980

  • AC0RN
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I have had things work for me for a week, but they stoped working. I don't know what else to try because I feel like nothing is a long-term fix.

Re: Im stuck 16 Aug 2023 21:30 #399981

Welcome!

As i'm also a newcomer, i'll leave the room for the experts here... but regarding the 'long-term fix' you mentioned, as far i understand these kind of behaviors are usually driven by very deep emotions we're trying to numb with this drug, and cannot be 'fixed' by just some tools, all you can expect from the tools is to keep you somewhat away from the drug in order to be able to focus to 'heal' - not to fix -  the emotions that drives these behaviors.

I'm sure our experts here will better assist you, but meanwhile don't give up, maybe the tools stopped working, but you shouldn't stop...

Hatzlocha!

Re: Im stuck 16 Aug 2023 23:43 #399988

  • redfaced
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AC0RN wrote on 16 Aug 2023 20:56:
I have had things work for me for a week, but they stoped working. I don't know what else to try because I feel like nothing is a long-term fix.

Welcome aboard !
congratulations on that week - may it be the start to many more such weeks
 You may need to share a little more details as to what your struggles are , and what you've tried so far .
With a lot of hard work & even more help from the chevra here, there many people here that have a "long term fix'.
May you slide down the banister of happiness and get many splinters of success up your career

Feel free to send me an owl, a howler, or even a Crumple-Horned Snorkack to Iamredfaced@gmail.com


The Red Face

Re: Im stuck 17 Aug 2023 13:52 #400018

  • true_self
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Welcome aboard!!
As Redfaced wrote, it will be helpful if you disclose more details (not confidential) about your struggle and what you are doing to break free.
I think that everyone that has broken free or that is in the process of breaking free can relate to those feelings of despair when they feel that change is ultimately impossible and not worth the effort, and it's totally normal to feel so, However it's the same yetzer hara that got us into this, that makes us believe that it's impossible to reach long lasting freedom, so always remind yourself that reaching freedom is achievable for every single one of us! Yes! it is very difficult and takes a lot of time a tremendous effort, but if you don't give up and stay motivated, you will beH merit to reach freedom as many already did, Long term fix takes Long term repair (Damage is done in a second, but repair takes month/years) And if it's too hard for you to remind yourself, than reach out to a friend, he will do the job for you.
"ועתה" - אם עתה תקבלו עליכם יערב לכם מכאן ואילך שכל התחלות קשות (מכילתא שבת פז)"

Wishing you to never ever give up and to stay motivated!
True self.
My thread: From two identities to True self

If you want to reachout to me to talk please email: wish2banonym@gmail.com

Re: Im stuck 17 Aug 2023 18:02 #400035

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Ok, so I struggle with watching porn and masturbating. I have been struggling since I was 12 and I'm currently 18.
I have filters on my devices and don't have access to unfiltered internet. That being said, filters aren't perfect, and once in a while something that should be blocked shows up. When that happens I block that site, etc. 
I also find it hard to shower without masturbating. 

I have tried pushing off watching porn and masturbating for an X amount of time. 
I also tried stopping what I was doing and occupied my mind with something else.
I've read Zos Brisi, Talked with people and friends.

When I hold myself back, I don't feel like I won a battle, but rather pushed it off. I know that that is a win, but it doesn't feel like it. 
I used to feel bad when I would fall, but now I feel like I don't care that I do, but I know it's not a healthy gateway and can lead to a complicated marriage.

Right now I'm hoping that being at yeshiva away from home will help me overcome my struggles, but I know I will have to put in work myself. I just don't know what to do.
Last Edit: 17 Aug 2023 18:08 by AC0RN.

Re: Im stuck 17 Aug 2023 18:11 #400036

  • lchaim tovim
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AC0RN wrote on 17 Aug 2023 18:02:
Ok, so I struggle with watching porn and masturbating. I have been struggling since I was 12 and I'm currently 18.
I have filters on my devices and don't have access to unfiltered internet. That being said, filters aren't perfect, and once in a while something that should be blocked shows up. When that happens I block that site, etc. 
I also find it hard to shower without masturbating. 

I have tried pushing off watching porn and masturbating for an X amount of time. 
I also tried stopping what I was doing and occupied my mind with something else.
I've read Zos Brisi, Talked with people and friends.

I used to feel bad but now I feel like I don't care that I do it, but I know it's not a healthy gateway and can lead to a complicated marriage.

Welcome friend. The struggle is real.

You wrote that you no longer care that you do it, but you are posting here presumably because you want help. Is it possible that you really do care?

Gevura Shebyesod once posted "i think the the point is that it's time to stop stopping and start living. Enough playing with making fences and then trying to climb over. That might get you stopped in the short term, but it's a game that will not get you anywhere in the long run. The strategy there is to learn to live. That means developing a method to cope with your resentments, fears and all the other things that make you want to escape back to your drug. Then you can trade in your fencing uniform for a suit of shining armor"

Browse the forums, see what has worked for others. Try to find a program that you feel  can work for you. Be compassionate and curious with yourself. Explore how you feel before and after a fall. This is learning process and in the process, we learn alot about ourselves. 

And regarding the long term fix in your first post, nothing external is a long term fix, but fixing ourselves can help for the long term.
Last Edit: 17 Aug 2023 18:18 by lchaim tovim.

Re: Im stuck 17 Aug 2023 18:40 #400037

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Welcome!

Please check out these great free resources:
ebook- The Battle of the Generation. It's a real game-changer!
Audio series- The Fight
They're very good to start with.

See below in my signature for the links.

Hatzlocha!
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

If you're only ready to try something small, check out an easier way to do self-talk here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain—Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge
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