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An Interesting Discovery
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TOPIC: An Interesting Discovery 322 Views

An Interesting Discovery 21 Sep 2022 11:10 #385904

I discovered something interesting yesterday. I stared a new workout program this week and yesterday was my second workout. The gym where I go is close to my office so I was going to go after work. One of the times I have the strongest urges is towards the end of the work day (only one in office, private room, not in the mood to work, etc.). Yesterday, I had urges at my usual time but I knew that if I gave in, then my workout wouldn’t be as good. So I just didn’t give in. I wonder if that mindset will help with other things: if I give in, (insert important thing here) won’t be as good. 

Re: An Interesting Discovery 21 Sep 2022 17:09 #385913

  • davidt
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Interesting. 

One of the ways to increase motivation is to do something called a “Decisional Balance”. SMART Recovery prefers the term "Cost Benefit Analysis".

Unfortunately, as we know "knowing" sometimes isn't enough. What you should do is sit down with a pen and a paper and list all the reasons why you want to break this habit, why it makes you unhappy. Then in another column write all the reasons why you want to continue. Weigh the pros and cons. What you will find is that technically you are sacrificing greater happiness and long lasting pleasure for short term small bursts of enjoyment with long aftereffects of unhappiness. Surely you will feel on an intellectual AND emotional levels that technically the pleasure of sin isn't all you made it out to be in the past. With this nice neat already made decision in your pocket, when you are confronted with desire it will seem easier to say no because it's not anymore a fight of deliciousness vs. religion, enjoyment vs. what you know is wrong, but rather a short few minute animalistic pleasure vs. much longer term pleasure. Now, that's a pretty simple decision. Of course it will be hard but this will definitely make it easier. 

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: An Interesting Discovery 31 Oct 2022 17:22 #387044

  • retrych
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Sorry to bump, jsut want to add, if you can make a condition, say, if i give in then tomorrow when i regret it, then i'm not going to workout, or whatever else, that works too

Re: An Interesting Discovery 19 Feb 2023 05:45 #392288

  • misgaber96
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This is interesting,
What has worked for me was on a similar line doing step 1 in the 12steps is realising just what have been the concequences of my actions in the past. writing them down comprehensively. Then narrowing the options of what has been the worst things that I have done as a result of my masterbation.
What I narrowed them down to is:
1) Hitting my parents.
2) Being unable to understand content in any subject as my brain is too focused on other areas.
3) Affecting my chavrusas making them repeat things (which is ok) but to the point where i would feel humiliated by my stupidity.
4) I can't stop myself acting out multiple times once I start on a spree and the last time I acted out until 630am.
5) I did not complete any assignments for english in school without a tutor.
6) Hardcore porn doesn't disgust me at all.
7) I have acted out in in synagogues with security cameras even though I was increasing in spiritual actions.
8) Lastly I know I can still act out whenever I want and wherever I want, just give me 1 second to start and 30 seconds to a minute to finish.

The thing which helps the most is surrendering to G-d, meaning, I understand that I am totally done for so "I ask You to take me out and heal me in this moment" or something to that effect. 
Also Davening for those who I lust after and for myself if I have an urge as I cannot lust after a person who I pray for. It turns them from an object to a human. 
Anyone seeking further guidance must listen to Dov's talks in the audio section. He is a member of SA who has been sober for 20 years and is truely a gadol in this area (he knows some great torah).
All the very best everyone!
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