Hi all, so I rarely post anything on these forums and once In a while log on to get some inspiration, but decided to share my story so that other can hopefully find some strength and realize that being clean and staying clean is really a goal that is attainable, something that I thought I would never in my life be able to accomplish, I am married, and have been struggling with porn and primarily masturbation and have been struggling since I was 16, it got so bad that any instance I had I wanted to watch some and then go and waste seed, especially if I was stressed out, I would do it at work at home, it didn’t matter the place really, I felt that I was literally the only person on planet eart that had an urge that was so strong that there is no way to break it and what made me feel even more guilty is that Baruch HaShem I was blessed with an amazing wife and beautiful children and I felt as if I was betraying them every time I would fail, luckily one day I got on this site and met my mentor which had me put filters on all my devices, call him almost daily in the beginning to make sure I was clean, I got too 90 days plenty of times and then failed right after, this year however Baruch HaShem I got to 365 days of no masturbation which I never accomplished before in the past 10 years that I’ve been trying to overcome this, and believe me guys if I did it then anyone can do it, I realized you cannot get upset at downfalls, don’t count the streaks, I stopped counting this last time and recently just logged on to see how many days it has been ans realized it already a year, I definitely did have falls though during the year of sneaking in some porn here and there if my filters failed or just got over stressed, but slowly I’m working on that as well, to find different venues to cope with stress, my point is that even though we fall and call it failure it’s really not failure, we are on the road to success and really trying to succeed and that’s the most important, so don’t get upset at yourself and give up, and get down because it’s truly not worth it, you are a beautiful holy Jew that’s trying his/her best to overcome these issues and just by being on this site and seeking help is already a tremendous step, it has took me years to get to this realization, I want to thank my mentor may HaShem shower him and his family with blessings. Don’t get me wrong I still get urges and even last week I wanted to watch bad things and go and waste seed, Baruch HaShem I stopped myself, we just have to take it day by day, that was my hardest thing to realize, it was to realize that you really have to just take it day by day and every day make a choice to stay clean, get filters and realize that’s it’s normal to have these urges and that we are not super humans that can overcome this without having fences and filters, I hope this little bit of mine really helps to not feel down or upset and just get back up and take control one day at a time, it took me 10 years to get to 365 and I still have the urges but they have decreased drastically then before, just going to take it day by day and beizrat hashem keep the streak going, thank you so much GYE for making me realize that this was possible
