Acceptance
Before recovery: I considered myself a good frum believing Jew, with plenty of bitachon in Hashem.
After entering recovery: I came to understand that I had zero trust in Hashem to run my life. I was convinced that really I was the one in control. It was all good saying that Hashem runs the world etc , but it was always with a big "provided" that everything worked out on my terms. I have come to realise that when I get angry and frustrated when life doesn't work out exactly as I want it to, I am basically saying to God:
"excuse me God, but you're not really doing a good job of running my life. If I was in charge, I would have a much better job, wife etc...".
In short, my Ego says I can do a better job of running my life and I know much better than God does what is best for me.
This is why I found Step 3 so hard and yet so crucial to my recovery:
Step 3 - one of the most challenging parts for me of making a decision to "turn our lives over to [God]" is that I am not just turning my lust over to God, but every single aspect of my life, including my finances, my wife's emotions and the well-being of my children. All the things that I thought previously I was in charge of.
I need to learn to accept life on God's terms, not mine. I know that Hashem can't possibly do a worst job of running my life than I had all those years before recovery, when I thought I was in control of my life.
I have come to accept (one day at a time), that it is my own personal God, who loves me unconditionally and has infinite power, running the show, and nothing, nothing happens by chance and everything has a reason.
Honesty
I have also come to realise that real honesty is when I am able to admit my "truth" to another (safe) human being.
Ideas and thoughts that I keep locked in my head often have no connection to reality or the truth and until I am willing to share them, I am not at one with them.
Oneexample of many: I have always 'known' and preached to others that parnassa is in God's hands. However I never 'lived this truth' until I was able to admit openly and honestly to a friend that I am a failure at making money and the successes I enjoyed in the past were only because of Hashem.
