This is a very deep and thoughtful conversation and I have alot to say about it,but let me detract for a second to what elya posted
Elya wrote on 21 Dec 2009 18:09:
About 70 years ago a doctor and a drunk went to the famous Carl Jung and asked him what would it take
to take away the guilt and shame, the stigma and the hopelessness from drinking too much alcohol, raging
and then feeling bad about it later.
Carl Jung answered "let people get together in a group and tell their stories and when they are finished
telling their stories, do not criticize or give advice - just accept that person for who they are."
We are all in this together. The proven way to get better and heal is to literally speak the shame and
guilt out of your mouth and out of your body, similar to what we do on Yom Kippur at Viduy time. It
is difficult to admit your faults and falls in public AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHY WE MUST DO IT. We
co-dependent, addictive, compulsive, lonely souls must learn to fill up the gaping holes in our souls
with honesty instead of with acting out in our dis-ease.
What we hold in our bodies and our minds grows more powerful, like le'havdil a cancer, chas v'sholom,
and the more power we give it and let it grow the more it affects us negatively.. Rigorous honesty is
the key.
The power of the group concept cannot be overstated. Isolation and loneliness are our worst enemies
and our addiction's most treasured friend. And he reminds us constantly that our isolation will shield us
from having to be honest with ourselves and others. and this is the power our addiction has over us, until
we kill the obsession by talking about it.... about our feelings... about our loneliness.... and yes, about the
details of our acting out. Not in vague generalities like , " I did that m word thing" but actually saying it
and getting it out. Not necessarily here on the forum, but also in person.
Not that you need my haskama rabbi,but this is absolutely brilliant.
I've made this mistake myself quite a few times.
"do not criticize or give advice - just accept that person for who they are."
sometimes a person does not need advice.it can even be detrimental.just hear the person out and nod and empathize and show u feel his pain and struggle.
we're all in this together.all of us here are sex addicts.no one is better than anyone else.
and this is our strength.
Thank you Elya.
Just one person's humble opinion...
