I have written below my experience for you to use if you feel it worthwhile to share with your public forum. (I really don't have the time to get too involved with this but I feel I need to contribute my successful experience and ideas.)
I am a B”H a recovering porn addict for about a full year now. I feel I should share some of my experience as to what helped. These were mistakes that I made and I needed to change my atitude before I was able to break free. The first messed up attitude that needs to be corrected, is making the big “religious” mistake by saying to yourself, “NOPE, I am going to beat the habit myself, and not only that, but I am going to do a teshuva shelayma. Like the Rambam says, a teshuva shelama is with the same lady, in the same private situation, with the same level of Taivah, and if you are not nichshol then that’s a Teshuva Shelayma.” This is a huge mistake, because the Rambam doesn’t CHAS V’SHALOM mean that you should put yourself in this same situation as you had before that you were nichshol in, in order to test yourself, CHAS V’SHALOM A MILLION TIMES! The Rambam just means that if Chas V’Shalom, totally by accident, you happen to find yourself in the same situation that you once actually sinned and this time you control yourself, so you know that you did a Teshuvah Shelayma. But you are never allowed to “TEST YOURSELF”. So as they say in Brooklyn, “FUGGEDABOUDIT”. This is absolute atzas haytzer.
The Teshuva Shelayma is (either by getting rid of the computer, but since typically that’s not possible) YOU MUST INSTALL A TOP LEVEL FILTER. (I WOULD RECOMMEND JNETSINCE IT HAS A GREAT FEATURE OF DARKENING ANYTHING THAT HAS SKIN TONE COLOR, WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY VERY IMPORTANT SINCE IT’S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO AVOID READING ANY ARTICLE WITHOUT HAVING SEDUCTIVE PICTURES SHOWING UP SOMEWHERE ON THE PAGE. EVEN THE BEST FILTERS WON’T BLOCK MOST OF THESE PICTURES, BUT JNET WILL SUCCESSFULLY DARKEN THE IMAGE 95% OF THE TIME WHICH IS EXTREMELY HELPFUL. If you can have someone also involved that you will have monitoring what sites you went to that would be extremely helpful as well. If you can get a filter setup by a person who knows filtering and only then it’s setup that only your wife has the password, that would be a great way TO TESHUVA as well. YOU COULD JUST TELL HER THAT YOU FEEL IT’S THE SAFEST WAY TO GO OR THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE TO SAY, BUT JUST GET IT DONE ALREADY. NOW IS THE TIME. DON’T PROCRATINATE. THIS IS A TESHUVAH SHELAYMA SINCE YOU ALWAYS FIND YOURSELF IN THE SAME SITUATION AS BEFORE WHERE YOU SINNED, BUT NOW YOU ARE MAKING SURE IT DOESN’T HAPPEN AGAIN. Hence the Teshuvah Shelayma.
Cell phones MUST MUST be filtered as well. (JNET has an email only setup which blocks the entire browser, but there are limitations as to which phones you can use. They are currently only able to work with very limited blackberries, (each carrier has a VERY LIMITED AMOUNT of phones that have the ability to run the Blackberry Enterprise software which the phone AND YOUR PLAN must be officially setup with (it WILL cost a little more), typically in the 9000 series there will be 1-3 choices, but hey, this is a choice that you really MUST make. Also, you can’t get the Blackberry Enterprise Software with a pre-paid plan- it’s impossible so don’t even try, no matter what the dumb salesperson tells you. It took me 10 salespeople before I got the real story.)
I see that on the home page here on GYE has many solutions given for all types of cell phones. GREAT – BUT YOU MUST USE THEM.
YOU MUST HAVE YOUR PHONE MAJORLY FILTERED OR YOU ARE JUST FOOLING YOURSELF.
Also, the thoughts that, "I just want to see this "last thing" or the thought that "just today, just this last time, and that's it", is the oldest story in the book. There's no way you can keep letting yourself "fall" for the Yetzer Horas baloney stories that keep getting you "hook line and sinker".
Another attitude that must be dropped is the feeling, like all addicts feel, and the dread of assuming that the “pain” of not being able to “watch” will stay with you forever, but it’s not true. It will eventually go away. OUT OF SIGHT IS OUT OF MIND! It’s hard to believe but it’s true. I am not saying that it will be easy, but it can absolutely be done if you are serious about it. Of course I believe that you need to give up even the stuff that’s not porn, because otherwise watching regular movies will be feeding the addiction, since 95% of movies have seductive women in them which is going to (eventually) drag you back down. This “pain”, that will eventually go away after getting used to not watching for a while is all “part of the Kapara”. Now I personally do not know if it’s possible to do just stop porn without stopping to watch “regular” movies, I personally doubt it and I am just giving you my personal story the way I did it.
It wasn’t easy at first, but it was certainly worth it spiritually, regarding doing the Teshuva of ”not straying after one’s eyes, and it also drastically freed up my life to do more productive things such as learning more Torah and putting more time into supporting my family. I must say that the risks involved are real. YES AT SOME POINT YOU WILL REALIZE, HOLY BLEEP, I’M GETTING MORE AND MORE ADDICTED TO THIS STUFF, AND IT IS GOING TO START EFFECTING YOU LIFE IN A VERY REAL WAY, MORE AND MORE AND MORE. NOW IS THE TIME TO TAKE THE PLUNG AND STOP.
In passing I would just note that if you are using Peer-to-peer software, you better not be viewing and or sharing child/teenage porn, (anyone under 18) since IT IS 100% ILLEGAL TO DOWNLOAD AND VIEW. This can bring to real jail time, as crazy as that sounds, as I read articles about this about a year ago before Rosh Hashana 5774.
So I wish you all Hatzlacha Rabba.
YOU CAN DO IT!
I apologize but I can’t give much advice about Zera L’Vatala since I broke that habit decades ago. Go Figure! The only thing I could say is that there too, the burning desire will also go away. It’s not staying there forever, and as Chazal tell us, RUV - MASBIO. If you hunger yourself in these areas you will actually eventually be satiated, and visa versa as well. Try it you will see that it does work.
BROKE FREE
123BROKEFREE@GMAIL.COM
