I woke up this morning and started Ming. I was able to stop myself. But I knew if I took a shower in my apartment I wouldn't be able to stop my self, so I went to the mikvah instead where I obviously knew I wouldn't M. So I felt that was a minor victory this morning. I'm proud of myself but hoping I'll last the day.

Hello StartingOver.

Since this is your first post for a while, could you perhaps bring us up to date in what's going on for you? How have the last 4 months been? Are you still sober? Have you opened up to anyone, a Rav or therapist? What works? What doesn't?

keep up the good work. every second you can say no is a victory in itself
every day is a gem
every week is a brilliant diamond
and the truth is that it is much more than anything that i can describe
keep us all posted about your victories and we will rejoice together.
lavi

Dr. Watson,

No, I'm not sober. I've consistently have not guarded my eyes, be it from women walking in the street to watching P. I see a therapist. Nothing has worked yet. I want to learn more Torah in the morning and meditating on it so it will last with me through out the day and night. My biggest weakness is before I go to sleep. That is when I am most prone to fail.

dear minor
i think it is important for you to know that here in gye we are all in the same boat. some in the begginning some in the middle and some further than that. we all struggle. but hopefully one day we all will be clean

RE: the name of your thread "STARTING OVER"
Starting over has advantages of the feeling of "turning over a new leaf", New beginnings, Fresh start etc.
But it also has disadvantages: "I'm back to square one", (some even say "back to zero"), I have to go through all the work all over again", "I'm soooo Frustrated!" etc.
So we must always remember that in this situation We NEVER start over completely from the beginning!
Every "Restart" includes everything which we have gained and learned from our previous efforts, successes, and failures.
Even someone who unfortunately does not take advantage of this learning experience, still NEVER LOSES the days/weeks/months which he was clean/sober, no matter how many times and for how long he falls again afterward.
KUTGW
and
KOT!!!!

Like shivisi said, after every fall we still have all that we've gained from before. So, maybe it's more like taking one step back, but then 2 steps forward. i had a fall yesterday, but i'm here to take my 2 steps froward. from the fact that we're all here on GYE, shows that now only do we want to change, but we're taking concrete steps to do it.

very true lavi and i personally think (from my brain only) that we should not be to down on our selfs when we do fall. Most things we do have to be tried and tried till we get them right