One of the newbies today on another recovery site had a thread title of “I don’t like doing what I don’t like doing”. That is an awesome statement. Resisting an urge is basically doing something I don’t want to do (at the time). I feel the urge. I want to jerk off. That’s it. No negotiations, no delays, just right now: do it! Anything I would use as a distraction might be something I enjoy, but I don’t want to do it right now, I want to jerk off or look at porn or whatever. That is what an urge is. There are a couple of ways I handle it. Sometimes I have to do what I don’t want to do BECAUSE I don’t want to do it. The dishes are piled up. I don’t want to do them. That is why I go and do them. I enjoy running. I just don’t want to right now. I go running when I have urges BECAUSE I don’t want to. My new “will”, what I want actually becomes what I am doing. I think fighting urges can be pointless. They are strong and they will win. Distraction helps because my simple mind can only think of one thing at a time. When I think I’m thinking of multiple things, or multitasking, I am actually switching back and forth rapidly, which is very inefficient. It is best to focus on one thing at a time. Urges are strong, yes, but I am my own master. I don’t have to do anything I don’t choose. A therapist friend I had said that all relapses are premeditated. Another technique is to picture in my mind the faces of the ones I love the most: my dear sweetheart wife, my children, my parents, and how disappointed they would be if I let them down. My family all knows about my addiction; maybe yours doesn’t. You can still picture your mother’s face and imagine she knows you are trying to quit, but that you are about to relapse. How badly would you let her down? Or maybe just imagine if the person you loves discovers you doing it, or finds out that you have been doing it. That is a good motivation to stop me in my tracks. Another way is to contemplate the fact that my thoughts are not mine. I didn’t deliberately think _________, the thought that just “arrived” uninvited into my head. Just like I don’t deliberately breathe air into my lungs. I can do it deliberately, but if I HAD to remember to breathe, I’d probably soon die. It is automatic. The same with thoughts. I can be the observer of the thoughts rather than the thinker himself. That removes me one notch away from making any judgments about the thoughts. Most of the time, the thoughts just aren’t true. “you are no good”, “nobody will love you if they find out”, “you need sexual release”. Not true. I don’t need it. I have gone without before and I did not die. The best of all the ways to resist urges, and I saved it for last, is gratitude. The temptation leaves me the fastest if I do this thing (that I don’t want to do at the time). I make a list of reasons my heart is full of gratitude. I am thankful for ___________. Even just a list of 5 helps. I have filled papers also. I hope this helps someone.
It works for me.
