The reason I ask is because I feel like a weirdo by being the only one. I had many chances to do it but I just didn't. A lot of my friends aren't.

Hi,
In the orthodox community it is perfectly normal to be a virgin until age 22, correct me if I am wrong

I don't think this is an appropriate topic.

I am sorry to disagree with you Dr. but Joenoahi is struggling with something and I would like to support him if I can.

That doesn't make it an appropriate topic.

We're all struggling and we need to keep the forum free from inappropriate discussions.

I actually agree with the Dr. This question is pretty irrelevant to recovery.

I don't think you need to feel like a weirdo. No one cares and furthermore why do you need the approval of your friends? Especially, as we all know, people who have unhealthy relationships aren't happy. They are stuck in a ruthless cycle.

Nevertheless, lets stick to recovery, yay!!

This brings out a great point: I once heard it from dov and it took days until I "got it"

It seems clear to you that still being a virgin at 22 is not normal for you, in your circles..
So by you not having engaged into these types of relationships, could indicate that you have a problem, like sexaholisam... The fact that you didn't engage in those relationships - didn't come from kedusha (holy reasons), it was because there was sort of a "mental block" or sickness the way we call it in SA.

Lust killes love - and that perhaps the reason most sexaholics have issues with true intimacy


In another these you asked about the laws of nohahides etc.. At fist glance I wanted to applaud you for asking.. But then it struck me: you seem to be bothered that you haven't found someone at your age - are you perhaps trying to comfort yourself by telling yourself "my religion does not allow this"
or if someone says "touching is not ok" Are you trying to hide yourself from future relationships?

I may be wrong, and If I'm too harsh forgive me please

I think we can all learn from this btw, sexaholisam has nothing to do with religion. Even if mastrubation would be "mutar"(allowed) it would be same issue.

Avrom:

That was a great post and it helped me learn some things about myself. Because I am here to improve myself I will have to be more vulnerable and honest with the readers, even though I don’t feel like admitting I am wrong.
I used to think that because all my family is really religious, it was unacceptable for their kids to have relationships with girls in any way, but now I realize the truth is I rather was a sex addict. There really weren’t any holy reasons that I used to make myself believe in, but that I used religion as an excuse as to why I didn’t have any relationships.
I do think I have this mental block, I can’t really talk to a girl and intimacy is really hard, but I never knew why. I just thought I was being a good Christian my whole life.  I think it’s true that lust kills love and it’s a good quote to remember.
Because I realize that honesty is important in my recovery, I’ll have to be honest here. I always to try to comfort myself by saying that because of my religion I have been single all this time, when there were obviously other reasons.
I guess I was using religion as an excuse to hide myself from future relationships. Hopefully I can get myself together. It has been 17 days clean, with like two little slips in between. But I also need to work on how I view girls at work and a the college I got to, it becomes easy for me to start fantasizing, maybe that’s another issue that keeps me away from real friendships and intimacy.

I am a virgin at 37. I am Jewish but many Christians are celibate their entire life.

Yea, many are celibate and I think that's a mistake and a misunderstanding. Also on the side I think they are mas****** while claiming that they are holy, it's so funny, how they are lying to themselves.

The strange thing is that even though I am Jewish both by faith and origin I think a lot like a Christian. I understand that it is a wrong and simplified view.

I lost my virginity at the age of 14 when I had sex with myself the first time. I do not get your question heading this thread, but seriously, if you are masturbating yourself, then you are having sex with yourself. Period.

That has nothing to do with sin, and nothing to do with the Jewish vs gentile world. In both worlds, it is recognized that substituting the sex that occurs every now and then as part of a real relationship (like marriage, for example) with sex with one's hand and a fantasy dream, is acting just plain immaturely.

That never stopped me, though.

But why are you fixated so much on sex and 'virgin' status, on sin and chastity? The entire thing is a twisting of religion - ANY religion. The ideas have a place in Judaism - but not the fixation on them.

And I know plenty guys (including myself) who did not have sex with a woman until they were married - in fact, the overwhelming majority of my associates are in that category. And furthermore, the guys who are really bad off in this addiction using prostitutes and stuff of that nature, are usually the married guys. They got far worse as marrieds than they ever got as singles. So what the heck does being a virgin, single, or married, have anything to do with you getting well?

Nothing.

Whatever.

Thank G-d I am sober today, as are so many other Jews and gentiles in recovery, even though we do not deserve it. Life is so much better this way, and the gift is one that grows with every day. And anyone can have it.