I found an excuse today to not go on the conference calls. I know I was wrong but the obsession of the mind is telling me that its ok. It is saying "look how well you did all day and you didnt even need the call!" I Baruch Hashem now know that this is just childs play, that is anytime I try to combat the Yetzer Hara on my own. These little tricks of the mind always drag me down but Baruch Hashem I was given the gift of realizing how silly and backwards that kind of thinking is. IYH I will learn from my mistakes and do everything I can to be koveyah itim to the conference call

Here's something I think might help: the addiction is about starting to live.

When someone's happy, they aren't looking over their shoulder constantly and saying "oh, I'm happy right now. Oh, right now I'm not happy. etc."

I think part of it is going out, one day at a time and always staying humble. Life isn't about this problem; it's about living.

Just live and be free. Don't focus on "how am I doing, how am I doing, how am I doing, etc.". Just try dealing with emotions, studying Torah, growing closer to Hashem, and don't focus constantly on how much progress you've made. By the same token, be on guard 24/7.

Look at me, talking like a seasoned veteran . If only I can put that into practice myself. The thing for me is that I know I'm growing; despite falls, I can confidently say that I'm making progress and am asserting myself over whatever problems I may have.

May you be blessed to overcome what too many of us are dealing with. I've found that the only thing keeping me going is that I refuse to stay down. I've hurt myself and attempted worse over this terrible addiction. I believe Hashem gives us these challenges to see if we'll just lie down. You're a fighter. You'll beat this thing and I get strength from knowing we are fighting for Hashem together.

Thank you.

Achievingmyname wrote:


Thank you for thanking me!

I think you'll find on this forum that a staple of GYE is that to overcome the problem, we need to let go and let Hashem. It can be destructive to say that I/YOU are the ones beating this; we need to live a day at a time and let Hashem fight the battles.

Also, for me it really helps having a clear idea of motivation for stopping. You're right that for me at least, I'm not an addict, it's for religious reasons and growing closer to Hashem; I found that defining my motivation in positive terms helps a great deal, such as THE BENEFITS of staying clean are...

I also found that for me, in the past some of my motivation was related to ga'avah--"what will people think of me if I do this", "I'm not that kind of person", "so that people can't make fun of me", "so that I am better than my peers", "so that I can become the Gadol Hador one day", etc.

At least in my experience, it can be dangerous to say "I refuse to stay down, and my main motivation for quitting is to prove something about myself". In times of danger, that attitude might not cut it.

However, refusing to stay down is a very great thing! Keep on DOING that--bouncing back from falls and not getting discouraged--but don't fall to prove that you are capable of getting back up.