This summer I was living in the Frum community and interning at a homeless shelter/rehabilitation center. I somehow managed to refrane completely from pornography and even masturbation completely for the entire time. I used to think it was because I was living in an environment with less tumah, but now I think it was also that I was working in an environment that was designed to support addicts - after I saw that Rabbi
Twerski say that having a support group is essential to overcoming addiction.

One night this summer I came very close to acting out, but stopped and went to sleep, begging Hashem to help me fall asleep without the "help" of the aveira. I had the most incredible dream that night - it felt like a prophecy. I dreamt a young man came to me and threatened me at gun point to rob me. Knowing that it says "v'chai bahem," I told him to take whatever he wanted. As he was walking away, I got the impression I could outsmart him, so I walked up next to him and said "take my cash, but you might as well give back my credit cards and my IDs, since it will be a hassle for me and I will just cancel them anyway so you wont be able to use them." He agreed and opened my wallet to give them back. At that moment I noticed that he saw the bencher in my wallet, and I told him "you don't want to take that." He said "why not?" I said "bad things happen when you take a Jew's bencher." He said "like what, will I have an untimely death." I replied, "no, you will have a slow and painful death." Hearing this, he was so frightened that he gave me back the whole wallet and ran away! Then I woke up.

With G-d's help, I was able to understand the dream some time later. The robber is my yetzer harah. he tells me "if you don't do this aveirah, you will not survive." So I go along. But then I told him to take my cash, take my short term currency, but know that in the long term, I will not continue to do this. You cannot take my Identity, and my credit cards. He agreed. When he saw my bencher, I knew I could do more.
He asked my "will I have and untimely death," - in other words, will I not have the opportunity to grow and stop doing this aveira in the future, will I die before I get the chance? I responded that that is not the reason to stop now. Rather, by being involved in arayos, you are separating yourself from Hashem, and that is not called life. Life with these arayos is itself like a slow and painful death! To this my Yetzer Hara had no response.


This victory lasted a good while, but when I got back to campus and stress and loneliness came back, and the environment was impure, I fell again. The first time I fell after that extended period of time my body was literally shaking with fear as I typed into my laptop, but somehow I still did it... I hope I can get back to that level.