I want to mention something.  I was recently at a conference and one of the groups was
having a debate about filters and if they are helpful. I know for me personally they are essential.
But someone brought up the point that there is a huge difference in being sober and being in
recovery from lust.

When we are living a spiritual life, when we are not worried about the future
and we have come to terms with our past... we live in the present moment, take one day at a time. 
When we are living like this... in serenity... there is little chance we will act out... no matter if
we have a filter or not. 

So this is the end goal.  The filter cannot be the end goal. REcovery is the end goal.  And that means
working a program of perfecting our Middos.  So we don't hold resentments, anger, fear, etc.
We trust Hashem that whatever he has dealt us, moneywise, healthwise, Shidduch wise, is meant to
be.

We get rid of our resentments and fears by examining them for our part in them.  We make amends to
people we have hurt and help others recover.

The tools are all here on the forum and on the guard site.  The tools are in your communities at
SA & SLAA meetings.  There were 595 goyim at this conference and 20 Jews from all spectrums.
Chassidim, Misnagdim, all walking around with their Yarmulkes making a Kiddush Hashem.  We had
a minyan on Shabbos with a sefer Torah, all arranged by the conference.

If they can do that publicly, you can go to a meeting.  If they can LEAD meetings and get up
and speak in front of 100s of people as a proud yid, you can too.

it all depends on whether you REALLY want to get better or you're happy living on the cliff
of the slippery slope, where the Yetzer Harah convinces you, it's OK to just peek as long as
you don't go all the way.

Hatzlachah Rabba.

WOW Elya, this is powerful stuff. I can't agree more with the message. When you have a dumpster full of garbage in your house and you don't want to smell it, you don't cover up the dumpster with a towel and you don't spray a deodorant and leave it that way. If you really want the smell to go away, you need to take the dumpster out of your house. While you move the dumpster, it is wise to cover the dumpster and spray deodorant to stem the tide and make it smell a little better. But the goal is obviously to take out the garbage, because if you don't, as soon as the towel falls off or the deodorant wears off, it stinks again. Consider the filter the towel or deodorant. It is a great help, but if you don't fix YOURSELF the problem will arise as soon as you have an opportunity without the filter. This is the attitude all of us really need to have to truly succeed. Good luck to everyone (myself included)!

Ano, you would definitely make a great psychologist and therapist one day. Wow! Your perception of things is WAY beyond your years.

Thanks Ano,

Great metaphor.  Our addiction (Y'H) tries to convince us we can just peek or test him and we
are powerless without Hashem's help to pass this type of test.  Remove lust, lustful thoughts,
lustful pictures, lustful people from your life and you won't act out.

Thank you, Elya, for explaining this extremely important Yesod so well. And thank you, Ano, for your great moshol.

[As far as filters go, we need to follow Chazal's directive "Al taamin b'atzmicha ad yom moscha- Don't trust yourself as long as you're alive". Also, there is a din about this specific area, that [u]everyone[/u] is required to keep a big distance, as it says "Harchek min hakiur umin hadomeh lo". (This is discussed at length, in Sefer Chofetz Chaim) 

The goal is to not need the filter, and have it anyway!] 

As far as I am concerned the filter should always be on. Not just for us but also for our kids. One should never put anyone in their family with the same nisiyanos as we were put in front of.
Eizehwho chochom harei zeh seroeh ett hanolad. Always prepare for the future. So bottom line is even if we feel that we have conquered our Y''H ( which there is no such thing), leave it for the consideration of our familiy. 

sadly, I can witness very bitter endings of children who had access to the unfiltered net.
who is willing to through his child in the sewage. NOT ME.

Everyone needs a filter to win. Imagine an alcholic trying not to drink from an open bottle that sits in from of him for 5 - 10 hours a day. No chance.

wow elya sums up perfectly the sober/healing combo that ive been trying to understand for months!
who is this guy??

Uri wrote on 19 Oct 2009 06:38:


Elya is one of the backbones of GYE healing, Uri.
Read all his posts and thread. Well worth your time, trust me.

Great job Elya and Ano, you guys are a great tag team. Ano, that Mashul was great. Samething applies to a sickness. If you want to truly heal your body you need to get rid of the source of the disease. And sometims you need to sacrifice in order to live a better longer life. If someone C'V has cancer they may need to amputate a leg in order to live on. But you must attack the disease from the source.

-INH

i had a situation today where i was in a bad move for reasons i couldn't figure out (i think it was b/c i was such a good boy today that i didn't go once, in to ogle at the secretary and just my luck i meet her on the way out !) . i went home yelled at my wife, yelled at myself . my wife forgot to turn the white list back on and she turned it on in front of me .  i got so angry at her for remembering b/c i wanted to mess up . then i got on the computer and tried to mess up anyway. i of course couldn't, except that i was able to see a few dirty words ,but then i got so angry at how pathetic i was i just stopped and did something productive with my life . the goal is definitely not the filter . but the filter saves my life on a regular basis .  i don't need it to succeed , i need it to survive until i can succeed. frustrated and angry  but grateful for the filter(and my wife).

Dont forget to tell her that!

;)told her,

Deep words of wisdom!