B"H

hi tzadikim chashuvim (& i mean it!),

Every time i am here i am completely amazed by how much chizuk, love & accpetence is given here on one hand and solid advice on the other hand.
I used to think that charedi men that don't "watch dirty stuff online" are horrible, empty hypocrats. Maybe sub-humans? That was till the day (or night...) that i fell myslef... slowly but surely. It was horrible, but it was good against my ga'avah.
I am new here, but i have my piece of advise. i doubt all of you will agree with it right away, but try and give it a thought before discarding it.
i studied- & practiced succesfuly B"H- an amazing shita in chinuch habanim. One of the tools there is: if a child misbehaves, he is trying to tell you that he is a 'bad kid'. Don't fall for it. Keep telling yourslef that he is good. Also, when he is hard on a certain area, try to deal with it in the most minimal way, and relate to other areas in his life.

E.g. a kid that doesn't do his homework/ is mechutzaf gets the entire system worked up about it. The rebbi, the grandparents, the menahel etc. Don't fall for it. You can deal with it in a minimal way, but don't get hysterical/ OTT about it. Preferably, deal with another issue- good or bad. (his kyte-flying abilities ) This way you are in charge, and not the kid's yetzer horo. he (kid's YH) doesnt set the scene.
Our own YH is like a little kid, trying to tell us that we are bad etc. we shouldn't believe him. Yes, we deal with it (i just started the 90 days thing myself), but we have to remember that:
1) we are terrific people, just struggling with an issue. (this is the feel i get here in the forumsanyways)
2) we should deal WITH ANOTHER ISSUE- distracting the scene from our pritzus addiction. We can work on our gaava, ta'avas ahcila & about a million other issues.
Personal experience-when i worked on my taavas achila it worked WONDERS on my 'major stuff' as well. The alter of Novardok says that a person is like a domino- work on one area, and other areas will improve as well.
Good luck to all of us!!!!!!!!!!

Beautifull post. "The Y"H is like a little kid" - the gemara says very similar: אשה יצר ותינוק שמאל דוחה וימין מקרבת

thanks, MB, for the feedback and for the makor.
the YH is also compared to an old man, but that is because he is very smart and experienced... don't we all know THAT all too well? :

kevin wrote on 14 May 2012 21:46:


So the kashya is, if he's compared to an old man because he is very smart and experienced, so why is he called a fool in the same breath?

מלך זקן וכסיל

Maybe because in all his cleverness, there is one thing he did not think of - GYE!

Praise the Holy Lord for this great chessed.

MT

;D
terrrrrific!!!! loved it..........

KP

Nice!!!

Machshovo wrote on 14 May 2012 22:00:


;D [where IS that "like" button?]



He means s h i t a

thanx TZ... that IS what i meant...

TehillimZugger wrote on 16 May 2012 12:20:

how did you get it through? shita?!

if you quoted me, you should have been able to see what i did...

Also like a little kid, and because (we ALL know) what he offers is B'Etzem illusion, distracting him is a legitimate way of beating him off. One of my Rebbeim says, tell the Yetzer Hora, "Okay, but... in a half hour. Let's go (Fill in the blank- learn, run/bike, etc.) first. Granted, this doesn't work every time, but it can do no harm for sure! And Taphsic forces this into your repertoire of weapons.

good point, E Tek