There I was.  In front of the computer.  I don't watch porn, but there are certain videos, even G rated with tzniusly dressed women, that used to "get me going".

So the Yetzer Hara comes and whispers to me "Go ahead.  Watch a video.  It's not porn.  You could even watch it in public, and no one would think anything of it."

"You know you want to watch it.  C'mon.  It's not that big of a deal.  You don't have to do anything.  It's just a video.  Big deal.  Enjoy!"

I knew that it would be almost impossible for me to watch without bringing myself to the "point of no return".  Now I was curious if I had the will power to overcome this challenge, and not watch.

I had to be in front of the computer for a couple more hours, for work.

So I remembered something about Breslovers clapping their hands together when they pray.

So I clapped.  and I yelled out "SHOMER HA BRIS!"  I clapped more.  I kept clapping harder, harder, harder.

It was getting painful, but every single time I had an impulse to click onto that video, I just clapped.  It stung the palm of my hand.  I had sinned with my hands, I was now doing tshuvah with my hands.

At one point, I don't know why, one hand curled into a fist, and starting slamming into the palm of the other hand.  "SHOMER HA BRIS! SHOMERRR HA BRRRRISSSSSSSSS!"

I'm not sure if my pinky is broken - but I won!

That was almost a week ago.  Now if I get an impulse to go down that road, I just clap a few times, and it goes away.

I'm cured!  Time to get rich!!!

Mazel tov on your decision.

However the clapping may were off pretty soon and then it  will be hard to control it. Let me ask you - do you have a filter to help you keep to your decision? I find that the first step to help our "sur meira" is a good filter.

Make the move my friend.

lol classic.  Whatever works!  Keep up the good fight!  and get rich trying!  ;-)

Like I said, the stuff I used to watch is so mild, it would sail right through a filter.

Anyway, I enjoy the rush of overcoming the desire much more than I did the rush of the sin.  Like I said, I wasn't addicted to p'gam bris, and I never looked at porn, so I should be fine now for the duration.

We'll celebrate together soon when I hit 90 days.

well said... I did similarly notice there is a "rush" when overcoming an urge and winning. 

milehashem wrote on 25 Sep 2011 12:35:

you might be able to watch it in public but you can't clap yoour hands and yell shomer habris in public [i don't think so anyway  ;)]