I started looking at porn on my home computer when i was around 12 yrs old, i was petrified that my parents would catch me so it was only here and there once a month or so. Eventually in 9th grade i started looking more and more at porn and started being motzei zera. the taivah was insane, so unstoppable and strong. Throughout high school i was badly addicted to porn, if i was at a friends house for a night i would sneak to the computer in middle of the night and look a porn and one time a friend caught me but it didn't help, he too was doing the same thing. i have ADHD so self control is very very hard. im not making excuses but its a fact. By the time i went to bais medrash i had seen so much porn it became immune to me. I had the porn free weeks in yeshivah but the first night i would get home for an off shabbos, i would look at porn for hours. As i got older the guilt became stronger and baruch hashem i basically stopped being motzei zera lvatalah, and there were weeks were i wouldnt look at porn, but eventually the taiveh always took me over and i succumbed to the y'h. they say "shevah yipol tzadik vcom" for me it was more like "elef yipol".
for me porn was always a bigger taivah then motzei zera, it usually went hand in hand but eventually i outgrew being motzi zera, i dont know why maybe its because i think its a much bigger avaireh, nevertheless the porn addiction remains strong. its like i need to see it, if i go a week without it it becomes so strong and i just need to see it like an addicted smoker who needs nicotine. a few years ago my parents put on k9 web protection but i still figured out how to get around it and it killed me to know how much effort i put into being able to continue watching porn. recently i got a blackberry which i can say was one of the worst moves in my life, something that i will regret for a long time. i now have 24/7 access to porn, its so terrible, im going to start dating soon and here i am addicted to porn i am petrified to know that if i dont stop now im going to be a married man addicted to porn , i feel disgusting,pathetic and depressed. i cry to hashem all the time to forgive me and help me , but my blackberry is the soton. i even called tech support to get a filter but they said it doest exist. please people help me if anybody knows of a filter for blackberrys please tell me, i am dying to put one on. im at the point where i dont even like to look at porn anymore its just a filthy addiction which i desperately want to conquer. please help me i beg of you.

You are in very good company, lots of us here thought exactly as you did. But thanks to GYE we found a new way of thinking... and a new way of life...

Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information…

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week… This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc… So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not…

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook

This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude

The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

May Hashem be with you!

hi.

been there. done it. joined GYE!

its a process.
ADDICTION is defined as a substance or process which creates a progressive degeneration of the mind

in other words the more you get the more you want, until you cannot stop.

or so it seems.
but you can take small steps... 3 seconds at a time.

post.
read.
post more.

join a phone group.
get a phone buddy

CRY TO HASHEM!

and then you know what... you'll develop NEW habits..
and become an even better partner for your zivug (someone who is willing to continually work on themself, and grow in the ways of Hashem! )

good for you - for taking the first step!

now hold out your hand, and take another one.
YOU CAN DO IT !!

dov.ii

Welcome - you're definitely in the right place!  You can use your despair to your advantage - it can be a great motivator to start taking the necessary steps to breaking free of this cancer.

You will want to have a certain amount of sobriety before beginning Shidduchim, othewise, your brain will be clouded at a time when you need a good head on your shoulders!  This is another great motivator to get clean - you don't want to postpone shidduchim indefinitely!

Start by downloading the newly revised GYE Handbook and trying to implement the different Eitzos contained therein.

www.guardureyes.com/GUE/PDFs/eBooks/Guard%20Your%20Eyes%20Handbook%202011.pdf

Regarding your Blackberry, contact the GYE Filter Gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com.

Hatzlacha!

Been there, done that (except for the ADHD and the blackberry)!

You've come to the right place!

Much Hatzlacha,

E. ben Durdayah

welcome,
stay here, read up and learn what it takes to get your life back b'ezras Hashem
behatzlocha

been there and done thAT  and YES I DO HAVE THE ADHD what a match made in heaven
ashamed, i beg of u beg, please post again ,let us into your world, we will all fight together, and gain u as a friend
spill it out, we have people here fighting strong daily, and doing well
ppl with adhd
ppl w/ trauma
ppl attracted to wallruses and norwegian war men
ppl whocompulsively drink mikva water
and we all have ont thing in common

wer'e all doing our best and growing inch by inch and leading more happier and successful lives

so please post more
and no wallrusses please

Welcome. I can relate to everything you've written and I can assure you that if you stick around here with Hashem's help there is hope. So start with some concrete action. There is no really good filter for a blackberry except calling your service provider and telling them you don't want internet access. If you are serious about recovery its a no brainer. But the truth is that at this point you need more than a filter on your phone you need one on your mind and to do that you need to read and implement the GYE handbook. Its hard work but if you want to live a real and productive life and be a good husband, its an easy and rewarding choice. Hatzlacha and stick around here those who do succeed those who don't continue to be addicted, depressed and in despair. Its that simple. 

8) Listen take it from a 58 year old addict. You have good days, you have not such good days. The thing is to be in the fight. Whatever road you chose remember depression is the tool of the evil inclination. He gets you depressed , he can get you to justify anything, and i mean ANYTHING!
WE LOVE YOU! Be Strong!

You are so lucky to have caught this BEFORE you become a fantastic husband and father, iyh. Many of us here, I imagine, didn't have that chance. We will hope to help to give you the strength to beat this thing, and don't even think about starting to date in my humble opinion until you are very clean...ill leave it up to the regulars to decide what that is.

You are a very blessed man.  Some of us had to go through the pain of marriage, divorce, and the shame of discovery from a wide who loves you