I'm new here. Ive been struggling with this addiction for over 30 years. From when I was a bochur until now that I have a wonderful family. Internet is not a major issue for me, although I could see it being one very easily. My main problem is wasting time online, and occasionally wasting my kedusha. I've read a lot of the articles from the handbook but I feel like I'm not quite what they characterized as your typical SA participant. Stress is definitely an issue. Maybe low self esteem is accurate, but not really, as Im pretty friendly and sociable. Yet there is a block that I cant quite put my finger on, that I can best describe as just wasting opportunities, even as a bochur every bein hazmanim was always wasted opportunities. Almost never meeting my goals. Started and stopped daf yomi numerous times.
Anyhow I look at the handbook and some things seem like they dont speak to me and others seem to much of a jump for me at this point.
Is it best to start with #1 or is the order not particular?

thanks

Dear geshertzarmeod,

Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information…

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week… This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc… So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not…

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook

This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude

The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

May Hashem be with you!

I'm not an expert of any sort on helping with the addiction itself, but I just wanted to tell you that i sincerely respect you for coming forward and trying to find help. Its very hard and very impressive to finally face it head on. You will be great, you already are for doing this much! REally Im inspired from you!

Hey Gesher!! ;D
It's great to have you here!! :D
It's always nice to read about a new face!! ???
I think I found myself in a similar situation to yours. I also felt like many things did not apply, but that others described me perfectly. I have found that the 3 things that have helped me the most since joining this great group of guys were the posting, relationships, and the 90 day chart.
Posting was great because it became an achrayus. By helping others get by, I was forced to help myself as well for fear of being hypocritical. It's not fool proof but it's an additional safeguard.
I have built at least 1 strong relationship through Personal Messaging, and it is like I am going through all of my challenges with a fan club, and I am the fan club of the other guy.
But in your case, as well as my own, I found that the 90 day chart was best. Besides for the basic rules of what constitutes a fall, it allows for a tremendous amount of flexibility. You can be as strict as you want, in whatever areas you prefer. You can work on it in your own way, while publicly (anonymously) charting your progress. It has really helped me stay focused. Bli Ayin Hara, since I started I have now hit day 27 without a fall or even a slip - Hashem should help Vaiter. I don't think I could have done that without GYE.
Welcome Aboard!!!

Thank you all for your encouraging responses. Its really good to be here.
So Reb Yid does that mean that you did everything but found these things helpful, or that you chose those things that spoke to you? Thats essentially my question.

Gesher,
I can't tell you if I did the right thing or not. I can only tell you what I did., and am still doing. I do think, however, that there is no wrong way to go about it. If it works for you, it's right. If it doesn't, then it's wrong.

That being said the answer to your question is no. I did not do other things and found these to be the best. I only did what I felt would speak to me and my personal problems. I did read the attitudes and most of the handbook, and I plan on finishing it and Chazaring it. But as far as action is concerned, I only did those 3 things - Post, PM, and 90 day Chart.

One last thing and it's very important. The YH is very smart and tricky. He will try any and every dirty trick he knows to prevent you from getting clean. You may feel like certain things are too extreme, and that your addiction is not so severe. You may be right. But it also may be the YH not letting you get the help you need. The only way to know for sure is to be honest with yourself. if you put together a Mehalech that you feel is right for you, and you find yourself slipping, or worse, Don't blindly continue to deny that more is necessary. If it's not working, don't be stubborn. You may need more help than you think.
Hatzlocha Raba!!!

Thank you Reb Yid for your invaluable advice!
I appreciate having you on my side against the YH.
חזק ואמץ

It's my pleasure.
But you don't have to thank me. Like I said, I get Chizuk by being Mechazek others.
I guess you could thank me by winning the fight!!
Hatzlocha!!

FYI geshertzarmeod, there are many more people on your side against the YH! You just call, and we'll put the little siren on top of the car and come over. You specify in particular what struggles you have and you'll see that God made for you many people who share the same struggles and can help you through. People's problems are compounded.
People who are addicted to anything often have in tow a nice amount of other things too.
It could be parnassah problems.
it could be a physical defect.
it could be self esteem.
it could be being abducted by a ruthless alien race with cannabalistic behaviors

harchev peecha vi-amal-ahu
you post we'll come!
tz90

Sooo hows it goin buddy??
Come Back! We need You!!