NEED HELP NOW...... I don't want to do this......

No one's forcing you to do anything! 

talk it out brother

i know keds says u not forced ta do nuffin

but

sumptims

it feels like de devil is got ya

talk it out bro

weez here fo you

Lots of us are here!  Reach out to talk, PM or otherwise connect with someone.

im here too!

Me too.  One idea is to go to the very beginning posts of guys who have a ton of posts or a ton of posts on their thread.  You'll see that these guys who have been so0ber for a very long time started out exactly like you, and me and everybody else.  Then maybe you could pm these guys, ask for a phone number, go to the "I'm about to fall" thread.  Be desperate...reach out a lot, all over the place.  We won't leave you hanging out there.

Hang in there.  This is do-able.  Start reading the handbooks right away if you can possibly focus.  Busy yourself getting a filter put on.

I wish you hatzalah v'hatzlocho.

The reality of the 12 steps is that they are only suggestions
I am a 20 yrs alcoholic with 5 yrs sobriety

I'm not an expert of any sort on helping with the addiction itself, but I just wanted to tell you that i sincerely respect you for coming forward and trying to find help. Its very hard and very impressive to finally face it head on. You will be great, you already are for doing this much! REally!