I'm afraid my wife will divorce me if I mess up again.

Baruch Hashem - its about time you got yourself so deep into a situation that you have to start taking yourself seriously!

so what are you going to do?
its either CHANGE or CHAINS!

its a life time plan.

there are a lot of great guys here - lot of great programs currently running, thanks to the work of Guard!!
all you got to do is ask.. and the help is there.

dov.ii

DovInIsrael wrote on 02 Feb 2011 21:09:


I'd like to 2nd that! You are so lucky that G-d is kicking you out of slumber. Stick around and talk with the guys here. Place a call to the phone conferences - http://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/hotline/Group.asp
They're on all times of the day and they're completely anonymous .... and life changing. If you want to break free you got it here on a platter. Everyone here looks back on whatever unpleasant circumstances that brought them here as Brachos in disguise.

Welcome aboard!

YVY

I'm sooo out of control, my thoughts are in the gutter, I dont know how to stop. It's ruining my life with my wife. I go out in the streets my mind is always.... not in a good place.

Hi return again...

Know that you are not alone, and there is a way...

In the streets, maybe you're mind is not in a good place, but here with us...

You have come to the right place!


Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information…

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week… This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc… So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not…

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook

This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude

The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

May Hashem be with you!

Elazar ben Durdayah

Welcome!

Just always remember FAT BIG TSC AACT = Forget about tomorrow, but I'm going to stay clean at all costs today.

It gets easier over time, when we don't keep "resetting the clock."

Hello Return Again -

Your mind is in the gutter?  But you are here.  Look at all this wonderful holy company down in the gutter.

It is easy to be dejected.  But we say in Davening - "the Compassionate One who increases forgiveness."  He forgives us again, and again and again.  This is not sinning for the sake of doing Teshuvah.  This is simply realizing that here we are again.  What does He want from me right now.  It would seem to make much more sense if He simply took away are ability to sin.  Apparently, He desires our Teshuvah too much to do that.

So, you are here.  This is good.  While you are reading these posts your mind is not in the gutter. 
And we are here for you.  I have certainly been down this road too many times to count.  And with Hashem's help, this time it will stick.  I will stick. 

BD

Mazel Tov!!!

Sounds like your already at Step 1!

I spent many years convincing myself that I was in control that if I would just do ________ (fill in the blank) I could get a handle on my behavior.  I had to come to SA to learn that the first step in my journey toward a solution was realizing that I was out of control.  That as much as I would like to think that I could "control and enjoy" I was a lost cause.  This realization of lack of control is now the precious cornerstone of a new life that I am beginning to build.

Your realize you have no control, so WHO does? 

That is where the answer lies. 

(hint: his name starts with a G)

Just to add my 2 cents. I was also suffering the most from the pain I was causing my wife. I felt stuck, trapped, and was constantly beating myself up for not doing................ But I found that as soon as I came to terms with the fact that it is out of my control and I need help, an amazing thing happened. My attitude changed. I was able to speak honestly with my wife about the problem, with a positive outlook. And women - as much as we men hate to admit this - have this thing called "intuition" (sorry guys. bad word i know) and they seem to know when we are being sincere. My wife picked up on it, and the support I now get from her is huge. If your relationship was a good one, and it is shaky now because of this, I would suggest coming clean and commiting to remain open and honest and to work through it together.
I would strongly suggest PM ing 7up. She gave me great advice on how to bring my wife into the picture, and she can help your wife to.
But remember, as long as you commit yourself to working on it, you can weather any storm, and you will find a very supportive fan base here at GYE.
Believe in yourself, and trust the one above!!
Hatzlocha!!

You need help. More help. And more help. Find safe friends who you can speak with daily, probably a few times a day. Stop feeding the habit. Feel the pain of not feeding it and get help from those friends. Start learning how to call out to Hashem in a way that works, for a change. Get help to do that.

Don't be afraid of your wife, be afraid of losing your precious sobriety (or whatever you want to call it) today. And get help.

Everything will be OK if you do that, I believe.

Hatzlocha.

Oh...and get lots of help.

Reb Yid wrote on 03 Feb 2011 03:18:



Wow - that rings so true. I shared your insight with my wife and she agrees 100%. Once you're straight with her she's there with you. It's the "I'm taking care of it, don't worry" which worries her and makes her feel like she's not part of the picture and that you don't really care enough to solve the issue.


YVY