I recently figured out that I'm an alcoholic, but even more recently realized I may have an acting-out problem.  I justified certain repugnant conduct on the basis that my wife has not been able to properly satisfy all my desires.  So I sought out satiation from other sources.  As a BT, I know that self-gratification is a major sin, so in my confused and twisted state of mind, I reasoned that if someone else gives me what I need, this is not the aveira mentioned in the Torah, hence, I am exempt.  So I have gone for certain massages that do what I can't do directly, thinking this is the lesser sin.  I don't consider it cheating, because I have absolutely no desire for any of these people, and I almost consider it a medical procedure. 
Anyhow after looking at this site, and reading about how Shmirat Habrit is the Yesod of Yidishkite, I looked at my rancid activity differently.  I used to be obsessed with guarding the covenant- when did I become so off the path?  I don't even know.  But I'm wasting money, wasting seed, and committing terrible deeds.  This is not the way. As the site says, even though I can see no direct damage, the Yesod is cracking. 

and now, would you believe, our house is experiencing some trouble with the foundation!  it's causing cracks in the floor and cold winter air is detectable at the baseboards.  the foundation is everything!  it looks like my house is in order, but if the foundation starts going, C'V, that's really everything.

H" should have mercy.

Any chizuk appreciated.

Dear ontheedgeman,

I'm sorry it took so much time to greet you properly.

You see, I'm a bit down myself, having fallen two days ago after a nice clean streak.

But you have come to the right place! And that is something that even if you are 'kind of in denial' (which is not just a river in Egypt) you cannot deny!

Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information…

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week… This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc… So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not…

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook

This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude

The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

May Hashem be with you!

Elazar ben Durdayah

hi and welcome,
you came to a great place, stay and read up on the site, browse the forum and soak up the spirit of striving for kedusha. get chizuk and give chizuk and you will be all the better for it.
zs

Dear On the edge,

Welcome!  You're definitely onto something.  When we're clean, all kinds of problems, if they do come our way, are far more tolerable.  That's because run of the mill problems just don't bother a multi-billionaire.

OTE: welcome aboard this amazing ship called hope!  We each grab on to the wheel and try to keep a straight course during the storm.

OTE - do you mean alcoholic or addict?


BD