Dear Chaveirim,

This is my first time posting on GYE.

Please allow me to introduce myself.

I am currently 32 years old and married with 6 children K"EH.I have had pornography issues from my teenage years.I struggeld with it through Yeshivah days.As my mother owns a womens fashion business, inappropiate materials were always readily availible at our home unfortunatly.Unlike my other siblings who as teenagers were involved in intimate relationships, i was always more careful.I have this strange thing where if i attempt to do a "major" avaira...i get shivers,or something prevents me generaly. so i remained with the taiva of Zera Levatola by doing things myself.
As i neared shidduchim, i "cleaned up" as i was awaiting the exciting and meaningful relationship to come. B"H, i am now married to a wonderful Eishes Chayil and we now have 6 beautiful children together. The problem is that my porn problem came swinging back a year or two in my marriege and has stuck with me till today.I only just discovered this amasing website and would love to cleanse myself from this terrible addiction.My wife is aware of the problem and she is very supportive and nice about it. But as a man,there are angles to it that she wouldnt be aware of.It causes anger,depression and lack of self confidence. I have difficulty davening properly and learnalot less than i would like to......Please help me with your support

Dear Nick,

Welcome to GYE. Your story sounds very familiar...

Since the heilege Guard (I'm sure you'll meet him soon) is just barely back from the US, I will take the liberty of extending you the welcome which he usually affords newcomers:

Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information…

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week… This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc… So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not…

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook

This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude

The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

May Hashem be with you!

A gitte Vuch!

Elazar ben Durdayah

Nikee welcome.  Your story sounds similar to mine and many others here, so you've come to the right place.  In a way its good that you are disappointed in yourself because that means that you recognize the seriousness of your predicament and that the road ahead is going to be tough.  Staying clean requires work.  But the difference is that if you stick arond here you'll come to realize that it's not something that you have to nor can you do alone.  And there is a wonderful community here to help you.  Consider yourself fortunate that you have a wife that is aware of your struggle and is supportive of you.  She truly is an eishas chayil. 

So where do you start.  Posting is a good start.

Now:

1.  Did you sign up for the chizzuk e-mails?
2.  Did you sign up for a partner?
3.  Do you have a filter on your computers?
4.  Do you have webchaver?
5.  Did you download and read the GYE handbook?

These are five things you can do immediately and they will turn your life around.

If you are still struggling after doing all of these things.  Then you may have to go to the next level.  You can join one of the 12-step calls.  There are many to choose from.  You may want to join them anyways, because you'll see that its not simply about a lust addiction, it's about turning around your life and living.

So take advantage of everything that GYE has to offer.

Hatzlacha Rabbah and once again welcome.

Thank you Ben Durdaya and Ur-a - Jew!
You guys are awesome and very supportive!
I will attend to these practical steps ASAP and keep in touch.
BTW, i like the name " nick" or " nikee"  :D ....thats works just fine!

I would just like to offer my sincere thanks and brochois for this vital project of yours as well as to all the participants. KOL HAKAVOD!

As a small word of inspiration,the Torah tell us that Moshe Rabainu was the most humbelest man on the face of the earth. Its explained, i believe in the Midrash, that Moishe's humility was primarily with regards to the final generation of Galus. As Hashem allowed him to observe all of the coming generations before his passing.So that means that Moishe felt extreme humilty particularly in OUR generation! WHY?..Well ,have a look at our temptations now!and look at GYE...Even with all the instant tempatations that are availible at the tip of our fingers and eyes today, there are STILL hailigeh yidden who are fighting it!...Would moishes generation be able to do the same?NO!..That why he was so humbled.KEEP UP THE GRET WORK GUYS!Moishe Rabainu is in complete awe of us:)

Dear Ben Dur dayah,

I have tried to apply for the K9 webprotection and send the info to filter.gye@gmail.com but they said that this email address has already exceeded its limit for protection request. Have any othe chaverim to assist? 8)

nikee chapayim wrote on 22 Jan 2011 14:30:

DEAR Nikee shlita,
Sorry i'm responding late, just got back aboard the ship; Welcome! Knowing is half the battle, my friend. Your'e cruising in right direction, youv'e anchored your boat into good hands-our techs and crew will help you get repaired in no-time. Stay with us and we'll take good care of you-joining here is like having ten huge muscle guys behind you with clubs, when you'll face the yetzer harah again! Together we'll show him! Stand together and be strong, and don't give up ever ever ever ever and you'll get 'em. I don't have much more to say, i'm just a simple crewman/janotor on this big ship. Over and out, stay aboard-Tzaddik90

nikee chapayim wrote on 23 Jan 2011 13:16:


What you can do is apply for the filter at your e-,mail address, and then give the details to either the Gabbai or your wife or somone else who will make a password which you don't know. i think that there may also be an alternate address for GYE filter1.gye@gmail.com or something like that, but I'm not sure.

Good Luck and KOT!

EBD

Nikee, how r u

ben durdayah wrote on 23 Jan 2011 17:36:


I don’t think the first option of setting up the filter on your own email is any good, as you can always request a temporary override password later, which will be sent to the registered email address.
Rather do the second option, 1) create a new email like filter1.gye@gmail.com 2) register k9 on the new email address 3) send the email password and the k9 password to the filter gabbay which  will later change both passwords.

be gebenchet

Dear Nikee,

Welcome!

Contact the filter gabai.  GYE has been in touch with K9, and they will allow additional licenses to be associated with the filter gabai's e-mail address if he requests it.

Hatzlacha!