You are never lost.
Don’t forget your name. There is always, really always a 2nd chance.
There is a chassidish mamar from one of the Yesod Hoavoda (i think), If a person just killed somebody and still holds the bloddy knife in his hands and can not go and daven to hashem like nothing happened, than he does not know what a chossid means.
The only thing the YH wants from you is to be lost.
The Ateres Yohishua sais that the YH wants much more your yiush after the aveiroh than the aveiroh itself.
Have look at this movie from Aish
http://www.aish.com/h/hh/yk/101461854.html Be gebenchet and tomid besimcha