so im reading the gye book here and I will probably have more questions but for now-

How did matya ben cheresh blind himself.
can one actually hurt themselves like this to stay away from an Aveirah?

And how can you say that when we fall we still retain the same spot? doesnt the addiction just get stronger?

And of course im having the hardest day ever!
I have not looked at porn since last wednesday, but I have sinned on sunday night. I couldnt fall asleep.

But now Im alone in a basement apt. writing this and ...well I came here because im on the verge of sinning.
this might sound terrible or stupid, but if I have no way of stopping myself from sinning-
Is it better to sin without porn quickly and get the feeling over with. Or to hold out as long as possible, all the while knowing what may happen?
Why is this so hard

Hey,

Welcome to the site.




Donno what to say. I had the same dilemma and decided to hold off but eventually fell back to P&M. I'm not sure if I would have gone back to P if I would've relieved  :-[ myself but I think that it's better to hold off. I had some success without a filter but decided to install one yesterday. I had trouble with it in the beginning and had to make some minor tweaks but now it's working perfectly and not disturbing. Just try it. It's free and you have nothing to loose but lots to gain...

Best of luck!

firstly I use a macbook. not windows.

Im going for web design whcih means I need to be able to google things.....
if I did install a filter I would give the password (however it works...) to someone I know cause if I need it back I hear that they dont give it back...

Well I didnt watch porn.... but I chose not to hold off.... it got too hard. I am grateful that I didnt watch porn, but Im annoyed and ashamed at myself....
yay....back to square 1.....

Hey,

Sorry to hear about your fall. Look at the bright side, you are moving forward  .

K9 works for Macs as well. Do you have close friends that you are open with (for the password)? The "password gabbai" did reply within 2-3 hours both times I contacted him so it seems to be a good system and he does give you the password if you need it (as I did to make changes to the settings). I've been using my computer all day and did not get blocked form anything and I'm currently writing a project so I did quite a bit of searching and surfing. It's quite impressive. You can try it first by providing K9 with your own email address. You'll see that it won't bother you. Once you feel comfortable, change the email address to gabbai and create a random password that you will not remember...

P.S try avoiding GoDaddy  ... Things that didn't trigger you in the past will start triggering...

im not sure what you mean by that last part...
whats wrong with godaddy.com?

Umm... Their advertisements/homepage are quite sexually suggestive. I didn't pay much attention to it in the past but I guess I'm more sensitive now  :o.

oh!
i have never used it yet.....
well I guess now I know.....

Sh, follow ur heart,its pulling to good u will be free soon

I know it is hard but I think it is very good to be honest. What ever you do (p* or m* or both) always share it with us. Tell us what you are thinking and what is going on.

The fact you are sharing is awesome and is helping us already.

The road might be long but don't give up, EVER.

Keep on trucking.

You are winning as long as you want to change and are trying.

Your fan.
HY

well said, HY!

i am joining the fan club as well...

B"H I have been clean from looking at anything bad since last week.
I have fallen once or twice since then, but I feel its better than looking at that....stuff.

Anyhow is there a program for mac that just sends a log of all websties visited to a friend or relative?
Filters are hard for me since I need the internet and I think this would be a better choice for now.

s4nh wrote on 11 Nov 2010 22:38:


Yes there is! See www.webchaver.org/info/macusers.php

I highly suggest reading through the GYE handbook to learn how to beat this addiction. It can't be done just through will-power. An addiction needs special techniques.

s4nh wrote on 11 Nov 2010 22:38:



wonderful and thank you for sharing

im so upset.... i failed...
I was able to stay away for 2 weeks from looking at it. But today it became extremely difficult and on top of that I was tired and wasnt thinking straight....

I have read the handbook...well most of it...
While some of the concepts in the handbook might be new to me, some of it is like "I know this already, but i dont think about it enough"
Im vigilant after I do it for a few days...this time 2 weeks.... and then it wares off, what with school and all....