Hey,

its been quite some time since I last posted on this forum. The reason for the long absence (at least a year) is simple, the YH got me. It was a process of slowly posting less and less, until I completely left out posting. I noticed some people have left and many new have arrived in this sanctuary. Hence, I will reintroduce myself.

I am a Noahide. I began masturbating at around 11, not knowing what I was doing and continued it for about a year. At some point a friend of mine told me that this was immoral behavior, and since I looked up to him, I began white-knuckling it. I told myself a 100 days! I think I made it that very first time. I lived happily ever after... ...or not. A year later I found bad stuff on the Internet, and that was the end of the good times. Since that its been a spiral down, with occasional ups, but mainly downs. I found GYE back when it was still GUE, and have never completely lost touch. However, I fear I am just an inch before needing professional therapy or the support of a SA group, or a combination.

About being a Noahide: we are gentiles following the 7 laws given to Noah by Hashem. I believe in the same G-D as you my Jewish brothers: the G-D of Abraham, Joseph, David... I read the Torah (online). This "confession" (if you will) is firstly for your information and secondly the reason for why I am here. The other forums out there, either do not cover this addiction with the same breadth and depth as GYE does, or they lack the essential: the spiritual. I hope you guys have no problem with me being here on a Jewish forum; personally I will respect every-one as well as their opinion. 

I am currently 18 and not married.

May Hashem be with you today,
S-O

P.S: I am Noahidic by choice, not because of family. I have never met another Noahide in "real" life.

Welcome back Someone Special.

I've only been here a few months so I fall into the new arrival category.

I haven't actually never met a Noahide in real life either.
I'm interested to know what made you chose that path; my first guess would be that you seek the truth and want to know Hashem directly.

I wish you lots of strength, get posting, we'll help you pull yourself back up!

ToAdd

Hey Someone!

Welcome back! Of course you are welcome and always have been.
I hope nothing has made you feel otherwise.
I hope you are able to gather much strength from this site and continue growing.

Going to start posting in your old thread?

Sturggle

Thank-you for the warm welcome!

The choice of my path can be perhaps best explained by my background. I was born as a Christian, at least on paper, but my mother taught me early on to think critically in terms of religion. She leans heavily towards Judaism and has expressed the wish to convert. This of course influenced me, and I am not sure whether I ever seriously believed Jesus of Nazareth was anymore than a common human. Ultimately however, background aside, the Jewish/Nohadic view on life and G-D is the only logical one for me.

I seek truth, serenity and of course most importantly closeness to Hashem. If my path leads me to Yisrael and/or into a Jewish community, converting to Judaism is an option as well for me.

Nothing has made me feel other than welcome! I am trying not to step onto toes, as I know these matters are sensitive. 

Sturggle, I have began a new thread. I saw you reached the 90 day milestone!! Mazel tov on that one!

/SO

Hey Someone!  My Rabbi once told me that there are some people who are born with a Jewish Soul even they may not have been born Jewish, and that these Jewish Souls are destined to become Jews.  Maybe this lifetime, maybe another, no matter. 

You are so welcome.  So now do the drill, Handbooks, filter, post.  I have found it really helpful to have little talks with Hashem during the day, just a little chat.  I ask him about things that are going on in my heart, troubles in my life, recovery.  Whatever.  maybe that could be useful?

I'll be checkin in.

Someone, you sound incredibly mature for eighteen years old, and like you've been truly struggling with this, when others your age wouldn't give it a second thought.

That's special.

I wish you every success, and look forward to reading your posts,

AA

Someone,
I think you are very lucky to have chance to get rid of addiction while IT still young.
Mine is 25, and it won't let me go easily. 
Be-hatzlaha!

Wow, this is unexpected!  I am also a Noahide.  I just learned of this place this week, and  I am still going through the Handbook.  I'll make my intro in a separate post.

Someone, hang in there.  One of the greatest lessons I have learned is from Rebbe Nachman.  The lesson is that even though we sin, we still pray to HaShem.  Better that (while at least acknowledging the struggle) than to turn away, in order not to be hypocritical.  The Rebbe likened an impure prayer to 'chelbenah.'

'Chelbenah' is one of the main ingredients of the holy incense.  By itself, it gives off a repulsive odor.  Without this ingredient, however, the holy incense will not acquire its uniquely sweet fragrance, and the mitzvah cannot be fulfilled.  So it is with the prayer of a sinner when he prays with the congregation.  Even though his prayer is impure, the congregation needs that man's prayer as well.  (The full teaching is given at the bottom).

I recall seeing an interview with a Jew, who had lived as a practicing homosexual most of his life.  Because he felt he could not overcome his inclination for men, this is one aveirah from which he would not attempt to turn.  Therefore, he said it was illogical to observe the b'rit, as long as he would remain stubborn in one particular aveirah.

HaShem does not like hypocrisy, true.  Would there not be tears in Heaven, though, over a soul that decided to be "logical" and be wholly evil rather than be "illogical" and at least be partially good?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From Rebbe Nachman - Sichot HaRan 295

"Encourage yourself to pray.  No matter who you are, you can encourage yourself to be stubborn, praying to God.  If you are ever discouraged, mediate in the following manner.

I may be far from God because of my many sins.  Let it be.  If this is so, there can be no perfect prayer without me.  The Talmud teaches that every prayer that does not include the sinners of Yisrael is not a true prayer.

Prayer is like an incense offering.  However, the Torah requires that incense contain 'chelbenah,' even though chelbenah has a vile odor by itself.

Thus, even if I consider myself a sinner, I am an essential ingredient to every worship service.  No prayer can be perfect without me.

I, the sinner, must strengthen myself all the more to pray to God and to trust in His mercy that He will accept my prayer.  I am the perfection of the prayer - the chelbenah in the incense.

Just as the vile smelling chelbenah is an essential ingredient of the sweet incense, so my tainted prayer is a vital ingredient of the prayers of all Yisrael.  Without my prayer, all worship will be deficient, just like incense without chlebenah."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As I am learning from the posts I have read, the will to do evil is always awake and very clever.  So while this teaching, like many teachings of Rebbe Nachman, encourage us with hope in tough situations, it is not license to sin.  The point is never to turn away from our Father in Heaven.

1daat, the things you mentioned are actually exactly the things I have begun doing! I installed a filter yesterday evening, need to give away the password still. I need to post more, and talking more with HaShem definitely is top priority for me! On the other hand, I do not expect myself to do these perfectly straight away. Thank-you for checking in with me. 

Thank-you AA! Your encouragement means a lot to me. I thank G-D for having shown me the damage I do with my behavior. I hope my maturity is not solely limited to the words I write. I pray that it will and does also show in my actions.

Admonimous, I thank G-D my addiction is still an under ten-year old. G-D knows that you are special, and has chosen to let yours grow 25 years old. You will be just as successful with dealing with your problems as I hope I will.

I am happy that I am not the only Noahide around! First or second time in my life that I have ever written to an Noahide I think! There is so much good advice as well as content in your post that I will need to digest it in peace. I hope you will forgive the shortness of my reply. I will answer in length next time, as I am just running out of time.

/SO