[size=8pt]I am new to the forum and am both introducing myself and offering my take on how to break free from what I prefer to call compulsion rather than addiction.

I was taught from a very young age to adore, ogle and seek gratification in the female form. Reading Playboy at age 4 was not out of bounds in my home of origin. My dad was profane and bipolar, so his role-modeling, which struck me as peculiar but, hey, he was my dad, had a less than desirous effect on me as the years went by. I spent inordinate amounts of time attempting interact and contact with females, both in person and visually through all manner of stimuli (there was plenty to look at before the internet, you just needed good connections.......lol), graduating to frequent sexual gratification, mostly with women but even with the occasional male roommate for extra credit.
It did not really strike me that my behavior was out of bounds until I became observant in my late 30's. Why should it have? America is the land of opportunity and this was the skill I had honed to perfection. But I was g'bentched to connect with a balanced, loving Rabbi who actually had it together. I came under his wing and soon began re-learning my spiritual abcs.

Wow. It never ceases to amaze me how Jews can rise from the abyss to return to Hashem. Hope you continue on to the pinnacle of kedusha and best wishes for a year of bracha hatzlache and a gmar chasima tova.

Welcome honorable,

I've heard simillar version of your story in SA a few times and many of them are well on their way to recovery.




Erev Yom Kippur time is short but fill us in on what worked for you.

Gmar Chasima Tova

HM welcome.  You'll find lots of support and guidance here.  Hatzlacha and a Gmar Chasima Tova.

In response to JooBoy regarding what worked for me........an interesting and perhaps helpful note is that somethings my yeridas and aliyas, my downs and ups, coincided. For example, I could be veering way off the path of righteousness in the morning and then find myself in the presence of a "teacher" that afternoon, offering a great unconditional ear and remarkable support for the very challenge that arose earlier. I think one of the keys is to be open to the healing even as the sickness is manifesting, then use every moment of sobriety as a notch on your totem of self-esteem. In other words, it's never all or nothing.......there's no delete button when it comes to what has transpired, but we can always create new files that ultimately outweigh our old ones, and little by little those old files take up remarkably less space and weigh much less greatly on the conscience. Self-worth to me has always been measuring by what I do, not by thinking myself better.