im tired. but i want to get into the habbit of using this forum so very briefly this is my story:

when i was like 10 basically to be breif, i always wondered what the body of a women looked like. just out of curiosness. so i googled it and i i found billions of pics. obviosly, that was the start of an addiction. from my 1st step i was addicted to pornography. except i didnt know what to do with it, i was addicted to looking at it but i didnt know what to do. also at that age i loved rreading the interesting torah books like the midrah says and ect. so one time i was reading shulchan aruch in english and i saw (maybe in a footnote) about someone who sleeps naked and washing hands in morning_netilas yadayim_ and it intersted me and i slept naked........ and basically i got addicted to the next step. from then on i always looked at porn and i mast.
my bar mitzvah was approaching fast and idk how i found out it was bad but i told myself that ill keep doing it but after my bar mitzvah i have to stop. but i was addicted. in 8th grade i started talking to girls. at first it wasnt bad. but there was one girl i fell in love with and we got very close. thank G-d she had morals of what not to do but we were both horny people and had dirty chats. my principal at the time found out and talked to me about that its bad to talk to girls. and he kinda got me and inspired me. when i told the girl i wanted to stop (BIG MISTAKE) she screamed at me that he doesnt care about me all he wants is that i be like him.......
that summer i went to a camp and thats really where the road that was going downward started to go strait with a small upward slant. the kids that were there were not a big help in shiur there was technically a sugya we were supposed to learn but it was "borning" and no1 co-opperated so every day he would tell us a bunch of stories of the gedolim and the cool stories. and we would tell him a biblical name and he would find all the midrashim about him, it was awesome. and the important part is we would always get into discussions. as teenagers going into high school it is obvious we alwys asked him sex and girl related Q's. the pesach of that year had birchas hachama and som1 said that the other 2 times that this happened it when we had the geulah and i got a really deep beleif in moshiach and i decided to stop all of this. after camp i tried to stop "cold turkey" and since i was addicted it wasnt poss. and since i didnt succeed i got depressed and i got worse.
but during the year i was in school all day so i didnt have time. so that covered it up and i didnt work on it. but when i got to the summer it was horrible again maybe even worse. but i think that is was then that i started with GYE and ever since then ive been doing a little better. thats bassically my story. but im not done yet. my highest number of clean days in a row is 17 days. so i still have a lot to work on.

soldier!!!

welcome aboard

consider editing your post

you may not want all that personal info on there

bardichev

Wow - welcome!

It sounds like you really care about growing and improving yourself. It also sounds like you care about spirituality, gaining knowledge, and about other people.

17 days is a huge amount, but I, too, hope that you'll continue to grow. You'll discover that although it seems like you have to give in, that really isn't the case. We're able to live life without this!

Feel free to read my thread if you feel it might give you chizuk...and I can always use a pat on the back, too!  :D

Aaaaand...here's your welcome package!


Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here...

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best - and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"... See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information...

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

Before the handbook people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, someone with a low level addiction wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences", putting in "filters" etc... For the first time ever, this handbook details all the techniques and tools dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now, anyone can read it through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook to the next tools, as the suggestions become progressively more "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not...

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!

switched my posts to the wall of honor section of the site