Hi, I am Shmu, and I am addicted to lust, including erotica and porn on the internet.  I have been following GYE for just over a year now.  I Joined the the 90-day-chart, and around R"H last year I completed 90-days.  I was clean for about another month or so, but as the excitement of having gone into the Yomim Noraim "clean" started to wear of, and as I was so satisfied with my "accomplishment", I began to slip more and more.  Probably, because I thought "I beat it".  Little did I know that I had a disease, and that it required constant attention. 

Needless to say, I fell.  I fell badly.  I had this voice in the back of my head that said, "Why have you not participated in the forums."  I said after 90 days you need to post, this way you can make sure to stay on track. But, Once I fell, I felt like a failure.  I stopped reading the Chizuk emails.  I was embarrassed to face all those successfull guys who seem to join up, and reach 90 days, and then become coaches for the newcomers.

Baruch Hashem, Hashem had other plans for me.  My life became unbearable again, problems with money, shalom bayis, my childrens jewish education, I needed to be there for my wife and kids.

I joined the chart again, and B"H I am clean 19 or so days, and I don't want to make the same mistakes as I made before.  I am joining the forum and I want to connect to people like me.  I was alone in the struggle till now.  I know that I cannot do it alone.  Although Hashem has been there for me, and I can not do it without him, I am convinced I need you guys out there as well.

I am throwing my hat into the ring, and I will need you guys to help me, and I will be there for you too.

Have a wonderful Shabbos!!!

Welcome Shmu,

Were here with you.  Enjoy the ride!

Good shabbos

Hey Shmu,

Great to have you here. It seems like you have lots of experience with this struggle. I'm sure you will have lots to teach us. You are right about posting. Whenever I feel weak, I log onto this site (I'm doing it right now ) and it helps me overcome it. Best of luck!

Thank you jooboy and installed for the encouragement.

Hey Shmu,

Glad you dropped by. There are many tools on this site that can help you overcome your addiction. I would start with the handbook. It's a good intro to the site. You may also want to join an accountability group and you can get a partner/sponsor. If you have any questions or if you just want to smooze, feel free to PM me.

Chodesh tov.

Welcome Reb Shmu!

Let me tell you that I instantly connected with your story.

I, like you have had success in the past for an extended period (I didn't even know about GYE at the time) and fell hard just as you did. I did not know it at the time, but part of the reason was that I lacked the sort of support and chizuk that a group likethis could give me. B"H I am now going strong, 32 days and counting and this forum is REALLY helping.

Reading your post made me think - IY"H if I make it to 90, I will complete it on Erev Rosh Hashana!! (As you did more or less last time)

I can't think of any greater incentive than that. Wow! What it would be like to stand before H" on Yom Hadin and ask for a great year for me, my family and Klal Yisroel with a 90 day streak under my belt.

Thanks for helping me to put that into perspective. You see for me, 90 days has always seemed like such a long stretch, but now I know that I have this great goal to work towards, that surely has to help at difficult moments.

Ashrecho Shmu and if you ever need a friendly ear, you'll find one attached to my head!!

Kol Tuv

Haleivi

Haleivi76 wrote on 12 Jul 2010 11:28:


I did feel good last year, It was such a contrast to the previous years, where one of the main things you are trying to do Teshuva for, you know in the back of your mind may not be fully resolved.  It was like that in the past, because we didn't have a place like GYE to go to, to have a real format for overcoming this addiction.  I really feel that there will be no intellectual dishonesty asking for Teshuva for the sins of z"l etc... knowing that I can do it, because B"H I have found a place that arms me with tools I never had in the past, that allow me to make it - one day at a time.

Amen to that!!!!

I'm sure all of us are familiar with the feelings of emptiness as we klap Al Cheit every year knowing that however genuine we feel, we kind of know that we are 'powerless' to repeat our actions.

Not anymore!

B"H we have a framework, a support system, a direction and a goal and P'G we will not fall any more. Any of us.

shmu,

I was looking at the chart and saw you're 90 is right around the corner. Keep it up buddy! You're a model for all of us! Hitting 90 after a fall is a sign of Tzidkus - Sheva Yipol Tzadik - V'Kam!! The Tzadik is not the one who is perfect. He's the one who gets up and keeps going after a fall. May we all follow your stunning example!

Gmar Chasima Tova

Shmu wrote on 09 Jul 2010 21:33:


I am one of those successful guys who seem to join up, and reach 90 days (I reached 113)..... and then start again, & again, & again......

For the next 3 months I couldn't get past 2 weeks, even though I didn't leave GYE....
.....until I joined Steve's 12 Step Group Phone Calls....

To make the story short, I am now at 52 days, Boruch Hashem!





[....... Sorry, I forgot the point I was trying to make.]

Thanks for sharing Tzadikle!!!  It is great to get feedback!! Thank you!!!

I have yet to participate in a call, however, I did sign up for the Steve/Duvid Chaim call and I get the emails.  I find just getting the emails gives me tremendous chizuk, and B"H I am approaching 90 this week.  The power of the fellowship that you guys create is so powerful, that even a guy like me on the sidelines benefits a great deal, B"H.

I think as a gift to myself I should join the call, but I am apprehensive, plus the time is not very convenient for me b/c I am on Pacific Time (excuse?).