Hello Everyone,
I am new here, but I need everyone's help. I am trying to kick the habit of masturbation, as well as viewing inappropriate material whenever I get the chance. It is not often that I do get the chance, as I have CovenantEyes at home, but any chance that I do get, I fall. Also, my shmiras einayim stinks. Accountability is very powerful for me; I've seen what some of the people on this site have done, and I really want to do the same. So I'm joining.

Eliyahunavi... welcome!!!! You have arrived at the right place. People, resources, love and encouragement - there is plenty of it here.

I read earlier today that we are powerless over our addiction but responsible for our recovery. Please take that to heart. Again, you're in the right place to get the help you (and all of us) need. Read the handbooks and other resources and apply what you learn to your heart. You will get better and better. 

Don't give up and don't feel down. Everyone here is with you. More importantly, G-d is with you. Keep your head up. 

Wau, you made the first step! Congratulations!!!! Baruch Hashem, you did it, you can be clean for 1 day! Hey, one day we can do! All the best to you.

Thanks for the support. So here's a question. I've been trying to kick this on and off, but never succeeded for more than a month. My shemiras einayim is terrible now in the street. You know how they say that in a thing like this, when you repeat the behavior it gets worse and it tells the brain that this is enjoyable, which is what makes it hard to stop? I feel enjoyment even in looking at inappropriately dressed women on the street. How do I stop that? I really feel (and all the meforshim say it also) that if I could control my shemiras einayim, everything else would be MUCH better. Please advise.

Shmiras Einayim in the street is likely to take more time; progress, not perfection.  Just try to do better and don't drain yourself right now worrying about it.

Work on the biggies first--P & M.

Welcome to the forum, and good luck to you.

  --Eye.

welcome! You've found a good safe place to recover. for me the street is not the place to start being careful. Looking at p* and m* seem to be easier to control that looking in the steet. Anyway,what u glance at  is not the problem,it is taking the second look which is the problem. Are their any triggers for u? What else is going on in your life? feel free to share.

eliyahunavi wrote on 21 Jun 2010 12:41:

Welcome,together we can make it!
Like many has said here,shemiras einayim takes time to master,most important is that you have the will and you begin to make small steps for becoming better. Keep on posting. That's the best way to stay clean

So I want to know- do people on the forum also have accountability partners? What I'm worried about is if I fall and decide not to post. The Yetzer Hara is already planning an escape route- if you fall, just don't post. How do I get around that?

if you wanna stop, and really do whemn you look down (obviously at the dhallowest level you dont cos its nice, but and the deepest level you do, thats why your here...) you need to realise that the only way is being brutsly hounest, its like when you cheat in a mock test, no one cares that you got a better grade, but you just wont do better next time, so the only person your cheating is you, everyone is ere to help you, if they dont know as much as they can, its harder to, thats what gets me to wrirte in anyway!
good luck mate, your doing great so far! also as far as shmiras enayim goes, on the website homefge there is a 30 programme whihc is very good!

eliyahunavi wrote on 22 Jun 2010 10:40:


Just post anyways, even if you fall.

Some people here have announced their fall after a year.  I fell after 210 days--though I'd never fall again.  (Now on day 24 or something).  It's very humbling (I hope not to do it again).

Honesty is one of the keys to recovery.

  --Eye.

Dear Eliyahuhanvi, I have always wanted to meet you!!  ;D

I am the admin of this forum. Welcome to our community!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here...

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best - and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"... See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information...

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

One of our goals on GYE is to help people "hit bottom while still on top" so they will take recovery seriously. To explain better what I mean, please see this page. If you're here, it means you're already taking serious steps in recovery, so keep up the good work!

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. The lay down the cornerstone of all our work at GuardYourEyes. Before the GYE handbook people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, someone with a low level addiction wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences", putting in filters etc... For the first time ever, this handbook details all the techniques and tools dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now, anyone can read it through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook to the next tools, as the suggestions become progressively more "addiction-oriented".

We suggest printing out the handbooks and reading it them at least once. Then, we suggest going back and reading them again slowly on the computer, and this time pressing on the many links that are found in the different articles.

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!

First, thanks for everyone's support- I look forward to posting and the support from the communit, and it feels good to be honest (although I'm always worried I won't post if I fall. In the meantime, I'm doing ok. On my home computer I have webchaver, which is accountability software- a friend can see every site I visit. My problem is M and P when I am at an unprotected computer. M is a big problem. One of my problems is that I'll look at things that get me started- an ad, a clip on the internet but not of P, but it gets me into trouble. All advice welcome (like how do I make sure that I fly out of the shower?) Kol tuv to everyone; I'll be in touch!

mate, i understand exact;ly where your coming from and can relate to it very well, i find that i even justify going to places om the internet which even deep down will lead me the wrong path...the best advice is stay well clear of uportect internet, however i personally know that as nice as it is, as as much as that is the solution, im just not going to do it because im not a strong enough person, so i have decided to build myself up to that level and when i am browesing the internet unprotect, i try to ensure im with someone or give myself a definate time limit, my soilutions dont always work...thats why ium also stuck as an addict, but it helps, i gave in my ipod to my rav and that has saved me alot of times cos i know when im in bed and can aess unlimited iunternet and am board, thats when im sucked in,

i also convince myself (or my yeser hara does) that if i dont look at the latest update on a p site ill do it later, so may aswell do it now, and with stupid naievity, or pherhaps not ev en that just blindly justifying it i start looking and then re\lise that for me (and maybe also you) apart from the very rare coassion p and m are insperable, even if there is a day or 3 days break, once those images go in, im stuffed!! so stay clear, as i think dov said, dont even bother getting into the ring with the yeser, stay wellll clear!!!

good luck mate, ill be following you!

Jamie-
Boy do you get it. My problem is similar, but say that I'll see on a not porn site that there is a new movie out (I don't even watch movies- how funny) I'll click to see the trailer, then I'll go see a little about the female who stars in it, then further, all on "non-p" sites, but the end will be M. And I know when I am doing it that it is a bad move. One of my problems is that I am VERY curious (you know what that did to the cat). I'm going to be heading over to the wall of honor; keep an eye on me, and thanks for your suppost and help.

Hey Jamie,

Welcome to the GYE community.




Funny you asked cause I had the exact same problem as you did... Check the link bellow.

www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=2644.0

Best of luck!