HHHAAALLLEEEVVVIII !!!    YYYYyyyEEEeeeSSSsss!!!!!  Pass the L'Chaim please.

I already read it and posted a reply about dc and you.  A beautiful, moving poem.  I get to know you a little more.  thanks.  I only moved because somebody said I'd already introduced myself.  I post on the introduce yourself page because I want to welcome the guys, and share a little. 

I was so glad to hear you at 20 days.  You gave so many of us nachus from your success.  You have contributed so much to so many.  It's an honor to call you chaver.

Let's do stay in touch.  Just hearing from you gives me chizuk.

Woooodford


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Hey trucker. Pulll ovah


License

Annnn

Rejjy stray shun!!

Bards,

Would I be right in saying that you are just a little bit nuts?

Great to have you on my thread though.

Gives me big kudos!!

Haleivi,

Just dropping in on you to say hello. Thanks so much for the PM. There was lots of valuable advise in there. I will read and reread it.  It is great to know that there are those out there who care. 

Please keep posting here,I hope to keep up to date with your posts. Please visit my thread as well again.

We gotta stick together.  The key to recovery, in SA, is having the fellowship.

-DC

DC is right as ever!

The key is the fellowship - sounds a bit like Lord of the Rings to me!!

Update from me - today is Day 27. I don't quite know how I have managed to get this far. The Y"H has so many tricks up his sleeve. It seems to me that every time I begin to think that I might have some control over things, he finds a new way of challenging me. Correction, I know exactly how I have managed, only with the help of H" and all of you - my dear friends - I could not have done this without you. One thing I can say with conviction is that I no longer miss the internet surfing as I did in the first week or two. However, in some ways it is a double edged sword. I notice from reading many people's posts that as recovery progresses the 'street' becomes a bigger focus and a bigger problem. I guess it is the Y"H's way of trying to grab hold of you and drag you back down into the mire. WE CANNOT LET HIM WIN. He also plays plenty mind games. You read other peoples posts saying how they fell and start to climb up again and my first reaction is to feel bad for them and try to find some way to give them chizuk for the climb ahead, but at the back of my mind, a little voice (that I am trying so hard to snuff out) is saying - you see it's not so bad to fall, you can fall and still get back up again. What is one measly little fall in the grand scheme of things - indulge yourself today, tomorrow you can be clean again. he wants us to think that way. Anyone who has ever had a struggle beating any addiction, oven battled with their weight, yoyo dieting will relate to this. Who has not, before they go on any diet said to themselves, I will have on elast big blowout - the diet starts tomorrow. When you're on a diet and the opportunity presents itself to have a pig-out (a trip to a restaurant, a barbeque or whatever) who is not tempted to say, lets call today a diet 'holiday' I will be good again tommorow. The problem with this addiction is that once you fall, it is very hard to pick up right again being 'good'. It has too many psychological effects. The Y"H banks on this. WE CANNOT LET HIM WIN. My current trick is to spend a little time preparing myself before I go out the door, focus on what I am going to need to do to Guard My Eyes on the street and on the train and think of nothing else for the trip (apart from when I'm on the train when I can either read a sefer, close my eyes or whatever). I know I can't leave anything to chance, because the moment I look up and lose track, even for a second, I know I will encounter one of the Y"H's minions and I know I will be drawn to linger or for a second look and the slippery slope starts from there. Far, far better not to have that first look if at all possible. WE CANNOT LET HIM WIN.

Let go and Let GD

I KNOW THIS CAN BE DONE

H" - Please help me, if only just for today - I will worry about tommorow, tomorrow.

My friends, be shtark, be focussed and have a great day,

Kol Tuv

Haleivi

How true! My YH comes up with similar arguments.

Let's stay strong!!!!!!!!!

Hey Haleivi, check out bard's thread on shmiras eynaim.  As always, great to read your strong posts.  I look forward to staying with you on the journey, Be"H.

halavey,

Thanks for the that beautiful post. I really learned a lot from it.

Oh, and by the way, I brought your cucumber sandwich.

-DC

DC & 1daat my dear friends thanks for your words.

1daat, I have read with much interest the Bard's thread - he's a little loopy but I like his style - Keep on trucking!!!

As for me today is a very significant day. It is no major GYE milestone, but it is day 28 and as the numerically gifted amongst us will know that makes it a Koiach day. I sincerely pray that H" gives me Koiach to get through it. Yesterday was my toughest so far. I felt so low because of things that are going on in my life - nothing to do with shmiras einayim, but for me, it is feelings of depression that have always brought out the worst in me and made me more likely to fall. I came so close, but somehow H" gave me the strength to get through it. It's like the Rabbonim say, H" only gives us test we can handle. He gives them to us to give us an opportunity to show Him how much we love him and He gives us the tools to be able to do it, the rest is down to our Bechiro. Yesterday I was strong. Today PG, I will be stronger still. It is Koiach day after all.

I have to get down to doing some work, but will hopefully be back later to post some more.

For now a Brocho to you all to have a Koidesh'dike day.

Together we can all get through this day, just today Rabboisai.

Kol tuv,

Haleivi

Haleivi it is always uplifting to read your posts.  I'm glad to see that you trucked through yesterday.  May you continue to rise up maaleh maaleh.

Good Day My friends!

Goodness me! I really need some help.

I am fighting a really good fight and I sense that the Y"H has accepted that he is going to have a really tough time making me fall. I have little taiva for m****ing and only very occasionally do I even start to think about the idea of looking at p**n. So he has resorted to trying to make me slip instead and that way he hopes I will fall eventually.

What do I mean?

Well recently, my battleground has shifted to shmiras einayim on the streets, as those who have followed my thread will have noticed. I have been so strong for many days. I have been keeping my eyes fixed to the ground wherever possible, singing Lev Tahor to myself at tough moments to distract my Yetz and getting through. Just earlier, I had to go out to meet a colleague at lunchtime (bad idea I know). I work in Soho, London, not the really seedy part (as Soho is quite large and the seedy part is only in certain areas of it), but nonetheless during lunchtime's every local worker as well as tourists etc. descend on the streets and it is very hard to know where to look.

....Now I will stop in my recounting to say that I realise that going out at this time is probably completely assur for obvious reasons, I will certainly make every effort to avoid doing so from now on, but what bothers me is not so much that I made a mistake, but how I dealt with it, as you will see....

I tried, really tried to keep control as I walked to where I was meeting my colleague. Keep focussed on kedusha and eyes fixed on the floor, but I nearly bumped into someone cos I wasn't looking up and that made me glance up momentarily and as soon as I did, the most beautiful woman was walking right towards me. Now, I know I should have just looked straight back down and moved on, but I couldn't, it seemed like a force far greater than my will was deciding for me and my glance turned into a stare. After she passed, I rebuked myself fully and tried to harden my resolve, but it seemed as though the tight leash I have kept on myself for days had just disappeared. I suddenly realised that I just kept glancing up. Fortunately, not long after I arrived at my destination and by the time I started on my way back to my office I had 'sorted my head out', but it really bothers me that I did that.

I might need some new tips on how to keep control of this issue (as well as not venturing out of my office at lunchtime, which is a no-brainer!).

Any advice would be welcomed Rabboisai.

For now, onwards and PG upwards,

Haleivi

Haleivi don't be too hard on yourself. Remember your a human being and as humans we all slip.  It sounds to me that even with the stare you caught yourself pretty quickly. The main thing is not to get pushed down by the Y"H through depression (that's the real nisayon). Overall given what you've taken out of the incident you've gained rather than lost.  Keep on truckin.

Thanks Ur-a-jew,

I know I can always rely on your for considered, sensible thinking. I am aware that it is only the voice of the Yetz that tells us to be depressed about slips, falls etc. In fact, I went to a shiur just last nigth where the Rav was talking about this. I wrote at some length about it in a post on Noahide's thread on here - take a look, I think it will appeal.

You encouragement is always much valued and appreciated.

Your post to Noahide made me full-on cry.  You are such a mensch, so deeply a mensch.  I love reading your posts.  You teach me so much, as to being honest on the site, and about Yiddishkeit. 

And...thanks to you, I still daven Rephua Shlema for all of us.