Sorry, for privacy I deleted this post.

Wow, what a story. What a soul. It seems you've come a long way and pretty much know what you have to do. But I'll say it anyway. When will you start joining a live SA group in your area? As Rabbi Twerski says, if a person has cancer r"l, nothing will stop him from doing all he can to heal. We have a spiritual cancer and must do all we can. If you had the strength to go against your parents and change your life at the age of 11, surely you have what it takes to take that important step. Let nothing stop you. The live meetings are your biggest hope at this point.

Read the handbooks on our site as well (download on the home-page, top right), but in my opinion, in your situation, only live 12-Step meetings and working the steps with a sponsor can really help you change inside the way you obviously want to.

May Hashem be with you.

Bechori Reuven wrote on 10 Jun 2010 08:02:

Short answer: yes.

Folks here have been down every flavor of that path.
The paths might seem different at first.
But it's all the same path.
The way out might seem different as you get to "know" the "virtual voices" here.
But it's the same way out. And the "virtual" voices are probably more real, more honest, more soul-searching, than anything you've ever known in your trying, tortured life!!

And there IS a way out. And with all the brains, heart etc that people see in you -- you'll get there.

I agree with Guard about options for live meetings, or at least phone calls. I'll also say something "big" here. Obviously we don't know each other right now, but...  -- in my opinion folks need Daas Torah to work through this. Especially if their yeshiva life is falling apart. You've got to figure out how to open up to a posek who can help. Yep, like your Rosh Yeshiva. Very painful, perhaps, but very helpful. If it saves your learning and your yeshiva career, isn't it worth putting it ALL on the line for the sake of Hashem? You don't need to answer now, just think about it.

Again, welcome aboard, you gibbur you.

Hi Reuven,

I'd recommend trying to chip away at all the surrounding discomfort and actually seeing if you can participate in some live SA meetings in your area. That would also be your best route to meeting all different people who can deeply relate to you and help you, and this will be a big step in finding the right sponsor. If you want real help, it's integral that you don't simply rely on GYE and their anonymous phone conferences.

Best of wishes,
admin2

In this case I agree with Admin2!

You can follow the handbook in progressive order and see if that helps, before trying the groups. Duvid Chaim's group should be restarting a new cycle in a few weeks. Meanwhile, join Elya's group.

If you join the live groups, there's no need to shave at all. Rabbi Twerski's contact for the 12-Step groups is a white-stocking chassid. Many frum yidden with long beards join these groups. Just be yourself. Everyone there understands you. Your secret is their secret. And all addicts understand that religion (externals) don't stop a disease, so there's nothing to be ashamed of.

See also this story: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/OurStories/RecStory10.asp

We're meeting tonight at 9 Eastern.
712-429-0690    PIN 225356.
You don't have to shave your beard off to join the phone group 

Bechori Reuven wrote on 10 Jun 2010 19:45:


For your moral inventory, I would use the big book. It was written for addicts.

Orchos Tzadikim is also great. See what Rabbi Twerski writes here: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/RTwerski/Can'tStop.asp

Bechori Reuven wrote on 10 Jun 2010 08:02:

Bechori,

I would just second the Guard.  Live SA groups are VERY powerful.

Bechori Reuven wrote on 10 Jun 2010 08:02:


My  tayereh zisseh holy brother, Shalom U'vracho
Please do chazoroh on the Twersky stuff. U r not in denial .U must focus on the positive and keep moving forward. U have obviously a very chosheve neshomo with unlimited potential for growth. do me a tova ,please focus on that.
have a look at the YESOD HA Tshuva printed at the end of Shar'ei Tshuva also in some machozorim. Follow Rabbeinu Yonah's instructions,u must let go of your past and start over like a newborn. U have done so much work on your recovery and can not afford to throw it away. Please keep us posted on your progress. May Hashem grant u the strength to overcome the temptation to self denegrate! this in my humble opinion is atoz y.h. Have a great Shabbos!

shalom BR -

ok - heres a question for the "illui"  -
why was Avraham avinu sent to Mitzrayim?

after all he was doign Hashem will, and was known as the ultimate in giving, especially welcoming guests.

answer I heard..

becausse Hashem realyl wanted Avraham to know what it feels like to be a stranger in a foreign land.

Ever stop to think about how incredibly lucky and fortunate you are? and how much Hashem loves YOU!


ok - so you have some struggles... but think about how relatable you will be to others because once you get through it ( which BE"H you will ) others will be able to look up to you with a sense of renewed hope and courage to carrry on the struggle.

and not only that - think about how far you have come and what you have accomplished while carrying such a heavy burdein on your back!

WOW!!!
you are one attitude away from having the clarity and freedom to REALLY come up with some incredibel chidduchim!!!


take the step - make the leap .. and join a 12-step group or get a sponsor...


dov.ii

Something went awry with my response above.  The quote came out, but my message didn't.

I meant to write:

I had also read through the Big Book several times.  But, it didn't really help much until I went through it with Duvid Chaim's phone group, with a human being who has been through the process guiding me through it.  As part of DC's group, I was surprised how simple and powerful the steps are if you do them properly.  Yet, I wouldn't have ever figured out on my own how to do them.

  --Eye.

[quote="Bechori Reuven" link=topic=2615.msg69830#msg69830 date=1276156961]
        and the yesod of it all, the emptiness and hunger for Hashem that I have been trying to fill with Lust. 
my dear holy brother,B.R. ,
Hoping that u r doing well and moving forward in your recovery. r u still looking for a sponser to check in with? my offer still stands. I was rereading your post and found the above line to be a very deep insight and profound concept. I really believe that u have gotten to the very core of most of our addictive behaviors. Chazak V'Amatz!