Hello everyone,
        I am currently 19 years old and have been struggling with pornography for about 7 years, and hotzaas zerah levatalah for about 1.5 years, with various levels of success.  I don't really have much to say about myself, but I am definitely interested in stopping.  I am currently in a well known yeshiva which makes it even harder to talk about such things with rebbeim.  This is the first time in my life that I have said anything to anyone, so I suppose that in itself is a step forward.  I have seen some of the literature and am a bit skeptical about the whole thing but I figure it's worth a shot. What really brought the problem into focus was starting to think about shidduchim a little down the line and the whole thing seems like it will be a big mess if I don't figure out a way to control myself.  Well, that's all for now, hope to see you around!

Hi. Welcome aboard.
You are to commended for trying to shake these habits before trying to find your bashert. You'll see reading around this place that a healthy bayis neeman b'yisroel functions better when this stuff is used in its intended fashion. (I can't pretend to practice what I preach, but it IS what I believe in.) Shkoiach.

The administrator named 'Guard' will probably pop in soon to welcome you and give a little tour of what's around. I would DEFINITELY recommend a book excerpt that's a link on the right side of the new fancy homepage. I think it's called "The first day of the rest of my life." I think you'll find it inspirational or at least interesting reading.

I'm also hoping Guard will encourage you to find a different screen name for your voyage. There are several semi-famous personalities here with names like Ano.Nymous and stuff. I sorta like real names, or at least one-word concepts, or something. (There are so many darned names here like "feeling awful" or "looking to feel amazing" or whatever. I can't even keep the guys 'straight.')

There is so much here, and I have no clue what's gonna be your flavor. Phone calls, 12-step meetings, forum posts, chizuk emails. Hope you find what you need.

And one little PS. If you're a yeshiva guy, you're gonna need some yeshiva insights here for this to  make sense. I am a BIG believer in finding yourself Daas Torah for this adventure. Yep. A rebbe. A rosh yeshiva (gulp). Someone else's Rosh Yeshiva (a little easier). A high school teacher. Whatever. But at some point you're not gonna wanna do it alone, and you'll want someone at your side who's seen the whole show from the beginning.  [Ok, this isn't a 'little' PS. It's a big one, in many ways. But please think about the general topic. You ARE a _Torah_ Jew, aren't you?]

Have fun.

Thank you Briut for your response.
I have read the book you mentioned a while back, and it was quite interesting.  About your suggestion to speak to a Rebbi or Rosh Yeshiva, trust me when I say this, I would like nothing better.  However, I am by nature a very private person and it took guts just to put this post up.  I think I can honestly say, that I would rather be dead than tell someone of my embarrassing situation.  That's not to say that I am depressed or suicidal, rather the embarrassment of telling someone would be enormous.

Yes, I knew that "little" PS was (bigger than) huge. Still, I stick by my suggestion to find daas torah in this area someday. It's just as important as for other big stuff. It IS a torah question - it affects your ability to build a torah home. But I'll stop pushing it now, because you're right: it can feel huge.

Another reason I think it's worth considering (someday) is I have an instinct you are a very very powerful and brave guy. You say frightened, but I say powerful. And at the risk of getting way too personal, I'm gonna quote something you said. You said you've been involved with po*n for about 7 years (since age 12), and with h'zl for about 1.5 years (since 17.5). That means, let's do the math, that for 5.5 years you had po*n in your life and still no hz'l. Sorry to be a little crude, but that's stronger and longer than I could hold out. I think it shows powerful control of your own body and a strong love of Torah laws.

Apply that power and love to this stuff, and you'll get there. I'm no expert (!), but I'm confident you have what it takes.  B'hatzlacha.

"Anonymous" I know exactly where you are coming from, I too was in a well-known yeshiva and had the feeling that "I would rather be dead than tell someone of my embarrassing situation."  It took me over twenty years to finally come forward to someone.  Had a program like this been around and known to me when I was your age my life would probably have looked much different.  If you open up to a rebbi who is familiar with these issues (and I can recommend one if you want) you will find that opening up to someone will provide you a tremendous sense of relief and hope.  What finally pushed me to do it was the knowledge that it is better for me to be embarrassed now then to be embarrassed for eternity and the fact that my marriage (which is otherwise quite good) was really being affected.

Dear Anonymous,

What a creative name  We already have one ano-nymous, and another eye.nonymous  ;D

Anyway, I am the admin of this forum. Welcome to our community!

One of our goals on GYE is to help people "hit bottom while still on top" so they will take recovery seriously. To explain better what I mean, please see this page. If you're here, it means you're already taking serious steps in recovery, so keep up the good work!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here...

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best - and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"... See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information...

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. The lay down the cornerstone of all our work at GuardYourEyes. Before the GYE handbook people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, someone with a low level addiction wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences", putting in filters etc... For the first time ever, this handbook details all the techniques and tools dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now, anyone can read it through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook to the next tools, as the suggestions become progressively more "addiction-oriented".

We suggest printing out the handbooks and reading it them at least once. Then, we suggest going back and reading them again slowly on the computer, and this time pressing on the many links that are found in the different articles.

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!

Wow such a similar story to mine. Feel free to contact me @ maccabee5770@gmail.com or google chat. I dealt with the same thing and decided that enough is enough. I spoke to one of the rebbeim for most of the year. Pesach time I realized that just wasn't cutting it. So I came home lag baomer specifically to work on the issue. 

Hello! you have come t the right place to get your problem fixed, so many people here who are great people who have been in a similar situation...like maccabee! The best advice i can give is that you should post, reply and get involved! people will give you advice nd chizuk and you should do the same helping others is a great way to help yourself! welcome to the family!

Anonymous wrote on 09 Jun 2010 16:33:


Hmmm... This response sounds quite familiar....Oh ya its something I would say! Word for word. Yo're not alone on that my freind. Believe me when I tell you this: EVERYONE ON GYE IS A PRIVATE PERSON. This is what got us into our addiction the first place. We couldn't open up and express our feelings. I for one still am very private and working on breaking it every day. This aspect of privacy has every bit to do with addiction. Understand that.

Hope all is well...

-Yiddle

Wow, I wasn't expecting this much support!  Thank you so much for being here.
@Maccabee
I think I still need time to adjust to the whole idea of this site.  However, be expecting an email from me in the near future!

I'm about to start the 90 day program.  Let's see how it goes!