I am new to DuvidChaim's Chevra. Are you the same Yechiel who I have spoken with? If not shalom aleichem. You sound like a great guy. Never forget that!!! I believe that Rabbi/Dr. Twerski writes that self-esteem is the root of all addictions. If I remember correctly ,he say the chiyuv of V'Ahavta L' Reyacha Ka'mocha requires that you have to love yourself.
Keep trying,keep going and seep smiling! ;D