You remind me of an old Jackie Mason routine where he goes to the Psychiatrist to find himself.  He ends up discovering the real me is the psychiatrist and therefore he now owes himself money for the session.

I am not sure why I am bothering to post this butchered version of his routine, but smile then the real you shines forth.  :

Precisely.  It is also someone who I have met; he does make occasional visits  .  I would like to hand over management to him him, though.

Shavua Tov, and great success in the battle,

BD

I like your way of putting that! Sometimes, when we're faced with a struggle, a challenge, we can think of that. In a way, that's kinda like surrendering, giving the battle over to god. It's like, "I want god's version of silent battle to make the decision here."

It's been discussed before, the idea that merely Sur Meirah leaves an empty hole that MUST get filled (nature hates a vacuum). If we don't fill it with Asei tov and working toward deveykus hashem, that void will get filled again with shmutz of one kind or another.

But i dont think of it as "recreating yourself" entirely. I think the idea is to recognize that Hashem has created each of us uniquely, and we have to take those kochos and REDIRECT THEM. Not to be a whole new person, but to be the same ME with a NEW DESIGN FOR LIVING, in which the ME that Hashem wanted to be here lives MY life according to HASHEM's plan for ME. i don't think Hahsem wants me to try to turn myself into somebody else, even a particular tzaddik I look up to. He wants ME to be the tzaddik I'M supposed to be, WITH my flaws, foibles and faux pas still a part of me, just overcome.

Welcome !
The lust is one big monster that fills up everything . Untill you get rid of lust you are just covering up the lust with asie tov . The lust doesn't let asei tov enter.  You can do tov but will not be chall.

frumfiend wrote on 25 Apr 2010 20:57:


And if all you do is get rid of the lust, you have a great big hole to fill, a spiritual and emotional vacuum.  This vacuum will suck me right back down.  So, I want to work on both!

BD

I agree - The goal is sur meirah, but the only way to do that effectively is to use the aseih tov. You've gotta live life, move forward. Otherwise, you're sitting there facing the problem, and wrestling with it constantly.

I want to wish a big yasher ko'ach to everyone on this thread.

Bendurdaya, best wishes on your holy trajectory. Desiring deveykus is such a special, holy thing. May your path be constantly lit.

Regarding thevstripping away of lust only to wonder what is there to replace it, I feel the question, or proposition, is completely inapplicable to the healing process at hand. This is not a mere taking away of a thing. This (the AA method and overall vibe of this site) is a process of drawing near to G-d. And this should naturally carry over into so many other areas of our lives. We are approaching ourselves honestly. We are making an accounting of things in the same way. And with all of this, we are turning to G-d's mercies, knowing, in all of our frailty, we cannot bear anything less. This in itself is a mighty thing. A person who gives himself, wholly and honestly, to such an experience is entering holy territory. There is a natural spill-over effect into all/ so many other areas of ones life. It is an everyman's teshuvah, and the more knowledge one has, the more practical correction is possible.

Again, a big yasher ko'ach.

Steve wrote on 25 Apr 2010 20:02:


I really hate vacuums as well...as when my wife wants me to vacuum the living room.  But that is the only was to get rid of the shmutz.

(I am not sure what my point is . . . I am getting delirious . . .)




I think that is such an important part of a successful teshuva process - not denying who we are, but channelling it.

Most of us here have a lot of energy we have been misdirecting.  As for me, for instance, if all the hours I was busy with looking at shmutzy nonsense would have been devoted to something even mildly worthy of me, let alone learning or chessed, why, I coulda been a contender ! ! !

  (sorry for those who don't get the reference  )

Shmendrick

bendurdayah wrote on 22 Apr 2010 01:28:



Welcome back! ..... again!

{PLEASE stay here this time!}

 

There really is no shame here. That's why they don't call this site "the beis hamidrash". C'mon...you can "mashcheihu" all you want - but you will still be hiding the truth...in the beis hamidrash, won't you? Haven't we all?

Not so here, with us.

[Disclaimer: the following note is just a silly little plug for a pet peeve of mine -
And if you even dump the whole silly idea of hiding behind a "username", I trust you will fair even [i]better [/i]and let go of even more of the horrible and unfortunate burden of shame that is typical for good people like us messed up - um, troubled - frummeh yiddin.]

Here all that really matters is the truth about ourselves.

This is a very nice place....not always pretty...but nice.



 

Dov, why don't you tell me what you really think?  Really, I don't understand what you are saying.

Is is that I don't use my real name?  Ok, Yisroel, is my real name.  And a great one at that.  I think that idea of a "handle" is to some degree finding a new persona, to help us get in touch with our genuine persona - i.e. our neshama. 

BD (Yisroel)

OK, the name thing was really just a side-thingy of my own (though I really admire the honesty of just saying our real first names, whenever it is done). But the stuff about dropping our shame, now that was my main point.

So many folks I have come across have implied that if we were to really drop the shame we carry, then that would mean we were proud of - or at least indifferent to - our lust behaviors. That such an attitude would rip away the only thing holding us back from doing even worse things! The same crowd believes that they really should not go to SA, AA, or whatever meetings because it would be a chillul Hashem to identify themselves semipublicly, especially with goyim around. The same people hold back from ever telling what is really going on in their hearts to anybody who might be able to help them, because they 'really shouldn't be thinking or wanting to do such things' - after all, we are b'nei Torah!

In the end, these people just keep getting worse and worse. In their lives of quiet desperation, they imagine they are participating in some awesome kiddush Shem Shomayim with their struggle. No need to change - it's glorious as it is, failures and all! Eventually, for some of them, their romance with 'killing' their YH swallows up their marriages, their family life, and their jobs, eclipses their yiddishkeit, and they find they are ois mentchen, usually through a series of rude awakenings that they blame on other people. Oy vei...

Who are 'these people'?

They are me.

Maybe you, too. I don't have any idea. But your thread speaks of some beautiful ideas and i just thought some sharing was in order.

Being an addict, I may share a bit here and there, throwing a bone to 'Honesty'...but in the end, in my actual struggle, I tend to remain quite alone. I need Hashem's help to recover at all, because I naturally prefer to just hold tightly onto those dirty, embarrassing secrets. I am driven to protect what little gold I have left: my precious lust. Facing myself I saw that lust was the only thing I could really depend on to pull me out of sucky and scary (unfortunately) real life and into the wonderfully focused, sweet, warm and vivacious fantasies that we all know about.

This is the real struggle, for me. Staying simple, dropping the complication, self-pity, tomorrow and yesterday...and just seeing what actions of love I can take today. Being right-sized and simply honest with myself and others about what's tootsach with me right now. That is what the steps do for me. I get real about the truth about me and w/o that I have nothing. If I have nothing, I can give nothing. And it is very boring, too. So naturally, having nothing and feeling this big hole, I desperately need to reach out and take from others...by using schmutz, resentment, lust, kapdonus, etc.....yechhhh.

Nu. Whatever, sorry for rambling. I mean no criticism of you at all! Just 100% sharing my stuff based on your thread.

Hatzlocha! (and my mother says, "stay away from Egypt"!)

Wow.  Thank you for reality.  Certain parts of that I definitely had to go back to make sure that I didn't write it!

I am not sure if you are responding to what I wrote in this post.  This post I wrote close to a year ago on my last visit. 

In any case, what action of love did you do today?  Is love simple?  I do not find it so.  It is already a lofty emotion.  And for some reason in my life, I have found it very hard to feel it myself or dispense it to others. 




truer today than ever before  .

Hatlzacha to you,

BA