So I'm WeWillWalk,name based on some verses I like really much.
What is it to say about me? Like the rest of you,I'm here because I want to make a change and be free. I'm tired of falling and the depression coming after that,making you feel like a big pile of junk. Especially since my bad mood will affect those around me,my mother,father and sister,and I really don't want any more to make them depressed too because they don't know why I'm like this,why I'm sad,what they can do to help me. I want to be free.
A little about me: I'm soon to be 19,studying at a secular high school (because I live in a small Jewish community). I'm quite introverted,don't speak very much and don't have many friends either,having a hard time seeing new faces and enviroments and usually prefer to be in calm places,mostly finding myself just with me as company. I'm also quite demanding of myself,have huge expectations and that mixed with low self-confidence is a dangerous combination. I read Nura's story where he too said that he was a bit like that when he was young,so I hope I can get some help now,when it's easier to correct imperfections you've got.
I understand that it's normal being a young adult to have lot of hormons flying through the body and such,but I wonder,what can you do to accept you've got those feelings but still not give in to them? How can you use this energy you've got in a wise way? I feel like it's easy to just ignore the feelings,because you might feel they are not appropiate. But then they'll just backlash back at you after some time. So my question is simply,how can you channel all the energy in a healthy way?

Thank you for your time and I wish you all a wonderful day. You guys are the greatest! 

Dear WeWillWalk,

I am the admin of this forum. Welcome to our community!

WeWillWalk wrote on 20 Apr 2010 08:16:


To answer this excellent question, please see tool #7 of the GYE handbook (linked below) for some ideas. And also, please read the story called "The first day of the rest of my life".

On GYE you will learn how to "hit bottom while still on top". Don't wait for the addiction to destroy your life. To explain better what I mean, see this page.

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here...

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best - and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"... See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information...

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc... So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not...

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!

Welcome - you're asking some good questions, and I hope you can learn how to answer them in a healthy way, along with the rest of us!

I have had the same question. How can we channel our sexual yetzer hara if we are single guys?
keep in touch, www.
sg

Getting married does not help either.  This is not about challenging sexual energy to a better cause, this is about an addiction to lust that if you cannot deal with when you are single will not be easier to deal with when you are married.  Just look around here, look at the 90 day chart, and you will see the number of married men with children who are here.
Learning how to overcome this addiction, which acts as a bandage over other problems in our life, will help you focus on dealing with (instead of avoiding) the issues that are bothering you in life.

Really what I want to say is welcome to the board.  It is great to have another person here trying to work on them self.  Keep on posting and reading and you will find the chizuk and advice you need to get over this.

Hello, welcome, just wanted to tell you that you came to the right place i had 55 days clean and fell today... but i am trying to distract myself. i am 15 so am in a similar situation. i don't have a lot of friends either and have relatively low self confidence. just thought i would welcome you.

It can be difficult, especially since it may be a while till you have a kosher outlet. 2 points:

1) don't think about tomorrow. Your job is to stay clean for today. That doesn't mean that you're planning on falling tomorrow - it just means that you're saving tomorrow's fight for tomorrow.

2) Realize that very often, acting out is not a matter of having a drive that's out of control, but rather, using this pleasure and resulting relaxation as a drug. We use it when we're bored, or lonely, or sad, or angry...and THOSE are things that can be dealt with in a constructive way. They need to be dealt with.

WWW,

WELCOME!!!

At the moment, I don't have what to answer to your questions,
but I think it is important to note and appreciate
that you are here and willing and wanting to work on this.
I think that is very commendable and I wish you the utmost success!

all the best,

Sturggle

Thank you everybody for your answers and your support,I really appreciate taking your time. I'll try to give a longer response with my thoughts soon,right now I'm feeling a bit down. I hope I'll be able to give back to you all as much as you put in to helping everybody here

happy. happy.

welcome aboard.


pull up a chair... read some posts.
feel free to post (same entry fee, whether you post or not)

lots of great guys here - to share with, cry with, laugh with and climb with.
dont be shy - we're all just a bunch of nuts...

acorns actually - trying to reach our full potential as oak trees.

dov in israel

DovInIsrael wrote on 21 Apr 2010 19:28:


Thank you,I've never felt more welcome like I've been here. Took me quite some time to dare to sign up,but now that I've finally made it,it feels much easier.

psst...hey buddy, come here.... I got a secret for ya...

you think coming aboard makes you feel good....

try this POSTING stuff - you'll really feel good.
and even better than that...try the WALL of HONOR...forget being an acorn...you'll want to become a WALL-NUT!!!

but honestly....you want the good stuff...join one of the call in 12-step programs !

shhhhhh! don't tell anyone I told ya so!

(it supposed to be a secret! )

WeWillWalk wrote on 20 Apr 2010 08:16:


Welcome aboard, and I like your wise questions. A good question is better than 1000 good answers. So, could I answer your question with a question? Namely,

How would you answer your own question if the topic were changed from sexual cravings to something else, like expensive cars or trips to Israel or heroin -- anything else.

Your question would become: I know I'm full of desire for these expensive cars, and that ultimately they're not good for me. Yet I see these voluptuous Maseratis on the street every day, and I know it would feel really great if I had one. I have money in the bank (you know, the money that was supposed to support me in my old age). I know it's wrong, but maybe just this once....

Okay, a Maserati isn't like some other desires. But that's my point. I think the real challenge is: How can we turn our sexual craving into something it's easier to say 'no' to. I assume you wouldn't really buy the Maserati.

So, how would you answer your question if you replaced the subject of sexual craving with some other subject?

Briut wrote on 21 Apr 2010 20:04:


Lovely question,and instead of having an answer,I'll just say what comes through my mind. I don't think the Maserati itself will be good for me because:a.If I want do derive pleasure for it,I'll derive it only a certain amount of time. b.Why waste everything I've got on one shot of pleasure? c. Live all my life in misery,but still keep that Maserati,when I could sell it and gain some money back?

Oh my,I think this sounds fitting to another desire.

you will find that the more you keep your mind off of it the better off you will be as soon as a bad thought goes into your head think about something else i know this may seem silly but i often fantasize about something else usually it is about becoming a superstar basketball player or being able to dunk. just a harmless fantasy that will take your mind off of other thoughts generally you will be able to derive almost as much pleasure from it just call me Air Amenu! anyway find something you really enjoy and picture it as best you can just like you would with...you know... the main thing is that when you keep your mind off something you don't miss it! once again i feel like i am not getting my point across but maybe you understand the direction i am headed in?