Steve wrote on 20 Apr 2010 20:29:


Actually those might have been better choices!  Darn it that I didn't think of it.

In truth, You know the famous definition "The Shlemiel spills the soup on the Shlemazel's lap and the Nudnik asks 'What kind of Soup was that?'"

I wonder what those of us with lust addictions are?  We are clearly shlemazels,  and some here (me in particular) are nudniks ;D . . . but are we Shlemiels?  Is it our fault? 

To some extent . . . yes.  But to the extent that we realize that we are powerless, we first realize perhaps that we are a Nebbishh...  :-[ but then if we are here and struggling, we can turn into gibborim and heroes.

I am looking forward to joining their esteemed ranks




Why thank you  :-[




Thank you more than you can imagine . . . it was a wonderful first day.  You imagine that there are nuts and bolts here - i guess you did not want  mention that some of us are screwy as well....but I guess that might be taken with negative connotations ....

Thank you and continue being an inspiration to all of us.

me wrote on 20 Apr 2010 14:24:


Just a note to say that I have participated with Duvid Chaim for three days now, and it is truly wonderful!!!!  Thank you me (that doesn't sound right) so very much, and all the wonderful guys on the call...You are all an inspiration!!!

stay with it!

he is trying to get me to broadcast live from Israel with him.

dov in israel

[quote="shmendrick" link=topic=2185.msg61854#msg61854 date=1271676466]







R' Oisvorf,

I think the issue mentioned above is a medical issue that can be treated by meds if needed. I have the same issue on my mind (people that seen all the smutz are more aware and want to last long. Because it seems from the smutz that its better. However if sex life is fine then it's just a compering issue, no?) But I came to the conclusion for me it's just Teivoh and lust.  I believe the issue is called ED or in that family.

Please let me know if you got any smarter on this issue.

It's a PLEASURE having you aboard. You're adding so much, and we're all growing together, so thanx!

BTW, I don't know if you ever heard this one:

A Rabbi and his wife were cleaning up the house. The Rabbi came across a box he didn't recognize. His wife told him to leave it alone, it was personal.
 
One day she was out and his curiosity got the best of him. He opened the box, and inside he found 3 eggs and $2000. When his wife came home, he admitted that he opened the box, and he asked her to explain the contents to him. She told him that every time he had a bad sermon, she would put an egg in the box.......... 

He interrupted, "In twenty years, only three bad sermons, that's not bad." 

His wife continued...... and every time I got a dozen eggs, I would sell them for $1."


Have a GREAT Shabbos!!

Steve wrote on 23 Apr 2010 16:31:


i HEARD IT SLIGHTLY DIFFERENTLY, BUT YOUR VERSION IS A KEEPER!!!! 

Thanks so much and good shabbos!

Well it is Erev Shabbos, and I have mixed feelings....

On the one hand it has been great to be here, and I am getting alot of chizuk.  And I have stayed away from Porn sites for four days now, which is pretty good, I am ashamed to say.

On the other hand, I am not doing so good.    I find that the non-porn, mainstream news sites, that have prety women on them, are even harder to resisit now, especially because I can tell myself I am not looking at porn, I am just watching a news show that happens to be hosted by a very good looking woman.... is this a slip?  a falll??  I am not sure how to rate myself, though in my heart I know it has to do with lust

ANd HKBH decided to tempt me now with a very beautiful young woman who wants to be my platonic friend, and looks up to me for advice from her Rabbi . . . and I doubt very highly that anything serious would happen between us . . . and yet i know that were she not so beautiful I would not be devoting as much time to her....a slip?  a fall??

this is a rough road that we are on, my friends

what a shmendrick

Good SHabbos

You're lucky that you have a place to talk about it, so you can be more honest with yourself, and see what's going on, balance things out.

Maybe you should spend less time with her, now that you know - and also, do something to make it clear that, while you're there for her as her rabbi, you're NOT a platonic friend.

You impress me.

A Good Voch.

This is where Hilchos Yichud comes in VERY handy. I recommend being l'fnim meshuras hadin in hilchos yichud.

But even with conversations over the phone, an addict whos working toward recovery is still in pain, and therefore is very tempted to fantasize about pretty women he has to deal with daily. I suggest you examine B'emes your motives and perspectives. If you are agreeing to help her because you want that thrill, then you are not doing this for her sake and you will not have the siyata d'shomaya you need to for her sake. Any Hatzlacha could very well be from the kochos hatuma tryting to ruin you and her, and lead to aveira and chilul hashem, chas v'shalom. Even if nothing 'happens", we are enjoined by the torah to be beyond repute - to be Noki L'fnei Adam V'Elokim. People see that you are being too "friendly" with her, and rumors will fly. It might even hurt your marriage beyond repair. At the very least you could run the risk of thinking of her when you are with your own wife.

There have also been situations where a woman was "planted" by a Rabbi's enemies to entice him, secretly record his words, edit the recordings, etc, in order to incriminate him.

My friend, I've learned over time that Hashem has many good sheluchim available. You don't have to take every job on, Hashem can find someone else to help her. This actually may be your test.

But if it's unavoidable, I recommend using the torah's guidelines again to help calm the passions more. Why all those halochos for the Esha Yefas Toar? So she'll be demeaned in the man's eyes, and hopefully he won't come to marry her. Here too, how many times have we thought highly of someone attractive, until we find an eirvas davar which turns us off? The Blond Bombshell who's an airhead or has bad or cigarette breath. Etc, you know what i mean. So find something about her you find displeasing, like she has a pimple or a bad middah, or use your imagination and label her in your mind with herpes or a yeast infection, but CREATE A BARRIER by finding SOMETHING to dislike about her. It's better than a cold shower - you'll not want to touch her.

Jeez-Loise, i missed my calling. I shoulda been a therapist....

shmendrick wrote on 23 Apr 2010 23:15:


Okay, I do not consider myself worthy of giving advice to anyone, but someone told me that if something that is not technically p*, or acting out, can act as a trigger, then stay away from it, or limit your involvement to the minimum and be aware of the danger.  I've also read that the yetzor hara was given to us by Hashem precisely to present us with tests and temptations, so that we can rise above them - the YH is really a kind of opponent who wants us to win.  But I am sure you already knew that. 

Kol tuv

Dear Friends,

Thanks for all the care and advice - my beautiful female friend has done without my guidance this week, which is probably the best for all concerned.

So Mr Yetzer Hara responded in his usual creative way -- if i didn't have enough tzuros last week, I have had a hard time this week staying on the wagon.  I found that my 15 yr old son had downloaded about 80G worth of all kinds of movies, most of which are unacceptable.  I have been deleting them, but also, of course, checking them out a bit before deletion.  (Yes of course, a filter will be installed before he comes home next, if not sooner)

I am not sure if this is a slip or a fall...but it ain't great - that's fer sure.  It is hard for me to know how to guide confront him and keep my parental responsibility, and not feel like a total hypocrite.

This is a rough road to walk...my yarmulke off to all the heroes who (unlike me) are succeeding so far.

Shmendrick

shmendrick wrote on 23 Apr 2010 23:15:


Rav Avigdor Miller Z"tzal was asked (during the Q&A session following a lecture) "How should a man conduct himself while being makarev a women?" His answer, "Don't!" He went on to elaborate, "Avrohom megayer ess ha'anoshim v'Sarah Megayeres ess hanoshim, A men should be mekarev men & a women should be mekarev women. I know a man, a yeshivah guy, wife & 3 children, tried to mekarev a lady. At the end he left his wife, he left his children & went off with her."

We understand that in your capacity as a Rabbi you must respond to women too. I just wanted to add this quote to be included in your perspective.

If we are trying to avoid lust, we need to avoid all goyish newsites like fire!

Limit yourself to the news sites in our Kosher Isle over here.

Keep up the good work and self-honesty!

ah ha!

I knew it!

Gaurd has alternative motives.

He does not only want us to overcome our lust, P** and m***...
he wants to turn us into proper Holy Yidden and Mensches!

no goyish news sites, no flirting with the women...

Don't LOOK, Don't TALK, Don't TOUCH!!!

BARUCH HASHEM for our Helige Guard!!
Thankfully there is someone out there who cares...

I dont know about anyone else... but if Moschiach were to come to day, and we had to live out the rest of eternity exactly in the state that we are in at this very moment... sheesh! I'd be in big trouble!

TY, Guard
YOU are a light in the darkness !

i think this was the last thing I posted before the virus hit -

YH working overtime to keep us away from GYE.

VERY GLAD it is back up and running!

whew!

thanks guard and team for all of your efforts to bring the system back up