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Can I sit down ?
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TOPIC: Can I sit down ? 1696 Views

Can I sit down ? 24 Mar 2010 02:09 #59459

  • commando612
I've been reading GYE for about two weeks, and posting for about a week. I'd love to hang around you guys if you have an extra chair for me. I guess it's time to introduce myself.

To give you some background, I grew up in an orthodox home and went to frum yeshivas. My story started innocently as a young teenager before Al Gore invented the internet  ;D. My sisters had a large collection of women's clothing catalogs, which I would sometimes steal from them. When that wasn't enough (and is it ever enough ?) I started getting more explicit magazines at newspaper stores. (Those I didn't steal, I paid for them. I have my scruples.)

By this time I realized I had a problem. And so my battle started. the ups and downs. The throwing away of all my magazines, doing tshuva, and then buying more. You know the cycle.

When the internet came along, I wasn't so technologically savvy, so fortunately my exposure was limited. I had no clue how to access video on the internet (this was in the days before all the technology was automatically configured when you bought a computer). But there were lots of photos available on the internet, and my ups and downs continued.

There's more but I'll skip the rest now. The good news is that years later, I cautiously consider myself "semi-recovered", if such a thing exists. It took years of fighting, and Torah, and Therapy, to break free. I had to learn by myself through trial and error all the rules of the GYE Handbooks (and then some). I still fall occasionally, but when you smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day and now you're down to the occasional cigarette, it's not that disturbing.

So why am I here ? To help and be helped. And I need some Woodford. Can I join the club ?
Last Edit: 06 May 2010 19:34 by .

Re: Can I sit down ? 24 Mar 2010 02:27 #59467

  • silentbattle
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Welcome again, Reb Commando!

Grab a shot, bro - in fact, grab two shots, cuz we've gotta use it up before pesach, right? 

The trouble is, of course, that 1) our sickness is a lot worse than a cigarette a day, and if I have an issue with something i don't want to do...well, then I want it out of my life!

It sounds like you've had a long road, but it also sounds like you're looking forward, and growing. It's beautiful to have people like you around!
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Re: Can I sit down ? 24 Mar 2010 03:02 #59475

  • bardichev
Commando!!

Ahh breiten shulim aleichem!!

Here is a glezel woodford kicklach(menko) herring (schwartzes matjas)

Ahhhh lchaim!!

Post away!!

Remember the grandmothers would say you can't be a "bissela" pregnant


You can't be a bissel addicted

No you need not "be"
perfect

But..but.. We need to strive for perfection!!

Bards
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Re: Can I sit down ? 24 Mar 2010 03:54 #59484

  • commando612
SB and Bard !

Thanks both for the warm welcome and the drinks !

Let me think about your messages. Years ago I would have told everyone the same thing.

My record when I was breaking free (as a single guy) was 250 days. And each day I told myself that I can't fall. And the stress was incredible, especially the last few days. Long-term stress is sometimes one of my triggers.

What works for me now is knowing that I can fall and it won't kill me. And the knowledge that I can fall helps me not to fall. I know it may not make sense to most people. But it works for me.

If I could figure out a way how to have your attitude without adding that extra stress, that would be the magic bullet.
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Re: Can I sit down ? 24 Mar 2010 04:03 #59488

  • bardichev
Hmmm

Lemme see if I farshtay

You minimize the fall so you say it doesn't hurt so much

I say yes it hurts
Yes it is a atom bomb to my neshama!

But..but...

Staying down so that the YH can flatten me with his steam roller is what I fear

Dov always warns us about counting days

Its sorta like a rubber band

Some times a long stretch is the trigger yes that is ver true it is called the YH of "anyways" I was anywas so good
So a little peekish here or there nuu nuu
Like a woman on a diet nibling "only the crust" of the kokosh cake

HELLO don't fight your YH

Change your perspective

Cont one day of being sane (dov calls it recovery -whatever) being cool being happy feelin in control not feeling controlled

Now that's freedom

Nuu nuch a wooodford

B
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Re: Can I sit down ? 24 Mar 2010 19:23 #59543

  • MosheW
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A little confusing but if it works good for you. Better finish up that bottle before Pesach!!!!
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Re: Can I sit down ? 26 Mar 2010 14:41 #59702

  • briut
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commando612 wrote on 24 Mar 2010 02:09:
I had to learn by myself through trial and error all the rules... <...>  Can I join the club ?

Sounds like you've already joined the club!

I think for me, the club is mostly knowing I'm around other folks who have "been there, done that, bought the t-shirt." People who don't pretend to have the answers but are still asking really good questions. 

I don't have the gaiva to think I can invite anyone aboard, but I do see some empty rockin' chairs in the corner to pull up and make yourself at home.
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Re: Can I sit down ? 26 Mar 2010 14:56 #59710

  • Holy Yid
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WELCOME WELCOME! all those who are hungry come and eat!
זכרני נא, זכרני נא, וחזקני נא אך הפעם הזה, הפעם הזה, האלקים, ואנקמה נקם אחת משתי עיני, מפלשתים
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Re: Can I sit down ? 28 Mar 2010 13:43 #59812

  • the.guard
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Commando, I have read some of your posts and you are a very inspiring guy. I even quoted you in the chizuk e-mails already twice I think. It's great to have you on board. Please have a seat, and get ready for some REAL freedom from Mitzrayim /Chometz/Yetzer Hara/Ego this Pesach... Leshana Haba Biyerushalayim!
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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