Dear HelpNeeded,
I am the admin of GuardYourEyes. Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!
Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See
this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best - and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"... See
this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information...
If you are afraid that your wife won't understand why you need a filter, listen together with your wife to
the following Shiur from Rabbi Yosef Veiner, Agudas Yisrael Flatbush
Here's a transcript of one part:
"Not a week goes by that I don’t have to deal with a Shalom Bayis Problem or a problem in Chinuch Habanim or Banos, or a very fine Bochur who will call me up – or at least what is left of a very fine bochur – calls me up crying, begging for help. There is nobody that can claim that either they’re not affected, or a family member, or a neighbor, or the chaver sitting next to them in shul, or the chavrusah sitting across from them in yeshiva. If you discounted it until now, you’re gonna have to take my word for it when I say that there is no single problem facing the yechidim in klal Yisrael and communities at large, there is no bigger problem than this. There’s a Chov Kadosh to do something now before there’s no semblance of Kedusha left in Klal Yisrael. And I don’t say that lightly. Keep in mind, the people who come to me are so frum and so upset about what’s going on, that they’re willing to talk to their Rav. That means that there are thousands of people who would never even speak to their Rav. I hate to sound pessimistic – but if you have unrestricted internet in the house – internet that is not both filtered and reported, I would say there’s a higher than then 90% chance that people have already been Nichshal in your house. And if it hasn’t happened yet, there’s more than 90% chance it will happen. And if it’s not happening at home, it’s happening in the office." And Rabbi Abraham J. Twersky, MD said in a recent Shiur (you can listen to it
here):
"You have no idea as to what category of people have fallen victim to internet pornography. We would not think that these type of people would be capable of it. Hopefully nobody who’s a Yirei Shamayim is going to go look for that kind of trash and that kind of filth. However, it is perfectly possible that while monkeying around with the internet, you hit a button and there’s a pop-up of a pornography scene. You weren’t looking for it, but it happened. You have exactly 3/10ths of a second to turn it off. And if you avoid it for 4/10ths of a second, you may become addicted. That’s how severe it is. It's one of the most powerful addictions. Day after day after day - I get letters and calls from people who say, "what can I do to save myself?" because they have fallen into the pornography addiction and it has taken them all the way down. It has ruined more marriages than anything, ruined families. It's been terribly destructive." Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the
90 day chart on-line? Sign up
over here...
We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum.
Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama ![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/wink.png)
And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around.
You're worth it. Also, join the
daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!
GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See
this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.
Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.
You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc... So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".
And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.
The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.
Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not... Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer. 1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook! 2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth... May Hashem be with you!