aryehtahor wrote on 24 Jan 2010 05:26:
The truth is, there are plenty of things that I like and that interest me that are healthy. But nothing else gives an immediate rush like looking at pornography. Its the instant, no-effort, mindless, stimulation that I crave. Other things, like picking up a sefer, require some measure of patience and perseverance. But I guess that's what fighting the yetzer hara is all about.
Aryehtahor - Hi and hatzlocha on this new path you have started with Hashem's help, no doubt. I feel as you, that the rush is basically a drug, and a strong one, at that. I have not acted out in a number of years, and it's not because I am dead. Yet. At all.
Anyway, thanks so much for the sharing you did above, and I have two suggestions. One is that you find some other people you can get real with and stay real with on a regular basis either on the phone or in person. For me, nothing beats being able to talk to another recovering person while I'm driving home, to work, at klunch, (I meant lunch), and whenever lust strikes (kapow).
If the forum is enough and it actually works for you, gezunterheit! I needed to attend SA and create a chevra of my own. I also had to work to steps, and I need to use them today, as well. Hashem helps me keep this great life I have, and with no shame any more. Wow, what a switch, for me.
Second, if these women are really unavoidable and you are going to see them and peek at them occasionally anyway, you might as well start learning how to help them out, rather than just take from them. By that I mean daven for each one of them by name, if you know them (they are real people, with names, not objects, right? And they have the normal pains of living, tzaros, fears, dashed hopes of spouse, child, and self, and
will have them in their futures; some will have, r"l, terrible unexpected tortures, and
all will have to even die one day, too. Nothing negative here, mind you - this is just all a
part of life. You can start davening for them to have peace and satisfaction in their families, their jobs, and good health. To be spared the pain of physical and mental health problems, which are devastating, r"l. To be happy with their jobs, their spouses and children, and to have Hashem's help to make the right priorities in their lives, so that they won't be terribly dissappointed with shtuyot, which - as we somewhat perverted folks know all too well - lead only to bitterness. Ask Hashem to gift them with an awareness of Him, that grows every day and every year. What greater gift
is there than living in reality, after all?
And after you are done asking for all that for them, ask it all for your own parents, for your spouse (wherever she is right now) G-d-willing, and for your future children iy"h. No joke.
I do this exercise whenever I forget and feel like it'd be nice to use the images of women as objects. It can be a bit painful to start such a t'fillah, cuz I have to say goodbye to that nutty idea that lusting after them will really help me...it hurts like hell sometimes, I know. But in the end it actually feels better than the lusting (not kidding), and doing this a few times helps me to respect and care about those women and to lessens my focus on snatching/stealing that image for me. It's one recovery
tool and only successful as part of a recovery diet and exercise... :
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/smile.png)
;D.
Nu. Hatzlocha with making a better life for yourself, whatever you do!
Love,
Dov