First of all I feel that it is an honor to be in the same forum with all of you mega-Tzadikim. I am a veteren looser who has tried and tried again to be a simple clean yid. I am now in a mindset that my intire life is irrelevent history and that from now I am a born again Yid that will never return to unaccebtable behavior. On the other hand I have a nagging cynical voice that tells me why do you think that this time is any different from last? I wish I knew how to answer.

How can I believe in myself?

avodashashemyisbarach wrote on 19 Jan 2010 21:07:
Ok, you realize you just said two contradicting things...

avodashashemyisbarach wrote on 19 Jan 2010 21:07:


You have GYE this time around, so it's very different!

ONLY VETERAN LOSERS CAN BECOME MEGA-TZADIKKIM!!

KEEP ON TRUCKIN !! NO MATTER WHAT!!

If you were a mega-loser you wouldn't be here. You would have given up a long, long time ago. Coming here proves two things a) you're brave b) you're serious about turning things around.

You've come to the right place. Stick around and you'll be well on your way in no time.

avodashashemyisbarach wrote on 19 Jan 2010 21:07:
What if I told you I was thinking the same thoughts when I first came in to GUE. That is actually quite expected and normal of any person struggling for so long, without seeing success, like me, and like you, and like roughly EVERY other person on this website.
The main thing you will BE"H get here - will not be some kind of magic technique, or secret segulah, or anything else we imagined would cure us. Rather it's just a simple realization of the truth. About ourselves, what's making us do certain things, the facade of the Y"H, and his ability to hide from us even when we know he's there, and the immediate needs and responsibilities we have NOW.
And only then, we can work on how to go about uprooting the problem and starting the healing process.
The thing you have to remember is, that if you really want to escape - you can, without a doubt. You just might have to accustom yourself to operating in ways you're not used to yet.

Hatzlacha Rabah!!

Know what's funny? You think there's two voices in your head - the yetzer tov telling you that now things'll be perfect, this time around, and the yetzer hora doubting you.

I've got news for you - both voices are the yetzer hora. One voice is telling you to expect perfection, and the other is telling you not to bother - extremes, both bad.

Obviously, you're here, and I hope that you WILL be perfect. And I hope you'll be completely clean, and never fall in any area again, and be a perfect tzadik. But much more than that, I want you to be happy, and I want you to grow, consistently. Everyone here falls sometimes, in some way or another, and what's important is what we do from there. The yetzer hora wants you to expect perfection, so that if C"V you do fall, that'll be the end of this effort.

So join - grow, be inspired, inspire others. But no matter what, remember that we're here for you, and that you're in this for the long haul. Hashem puts us in this world for many years, because we can't become perfect all at once. But you can (and will) get closer and closer, probably at a better rate than you ever dreamed possible!

Welcome avodashashemyisbarach!!

What is the difference between the past and this time you ask? Well there's a HUGE difference. This time, you have GYE!!  :D This is the first time in the history of Klal Yisrael that there is an entire network of support and clear cut tools and guidelines (in progressive order) on how to beat lust addiction!!

As you may know, I am the admin of this forum. Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best - and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"... See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information...

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc... So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not...

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!

I saw in a sefer, that when this voice comes to you...the voice of the y"h,....we DON"T ever answer him!  We don't give him the time of day nor the simple Kavod to answer this kofer.

Never ever get into a discussion with your y"h because if you do, you will never win..he's to smart. So, when he starts to talk, turn your head in the other direction, and......let out a big wide YAWN! (make sure that he sees it .

AH'Y:  You're not only "NOT a loser," but I'm certain you are a hero who will look back on the chapter and thank HKB'H for your upcoming victories.

As this thread says so many times, the losers aren't the ones stuck in the dirt but the ones who gave up the battle along the way.  Fighting with (what seems to you to be) your last ounce of courage is the proof of how much you're able to accomplish.

Most of us with a few years and battles under our belt (forgive the pun) can say that the true perspectives & lessons of a battle come only after it's behind us.  When you grab hold of some success, take time to enjoy it, to show gratitude for it, to use it to fuel the next round. Eventually you'll see that the battle itself can provide the fuel and the victory.  Just hang on!

I know that breast cancer patients can get visits from 5-year survivors through the American Cancer Society.  One of the visitor's messages:  "breast cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me."  What a ridiculous statement!  Cancer as a GOOD thing?  Mastectomy etc as a BLESSING?  Seems ridiculous, eh? But the survivors talk about how, NOW THAT THEY'RE ON THE OTHER SIDE, they see the blessings they wouldn't have believed while in the battle.  They've learned compassion. True intimacy. Appreciation for life. An orgamsmic happiness (forgive the pun) for the five-year cure. When all is said and done, these patients can say that they wouldn't trade their cancer battles for anything.

And these aren't frum women expressing meshgeneh-frum emunah and bitachon -- these are "regular Americans" who know that battles can leave you stronger and happier than ever.

And so, my dear friend, if you're feeling like the battle is amazingly hard, I advise you to focus on the "afterwards" when you will feel strength and happiness beyond imagination.  That's not just a pep talk, it is HKB'H's PROMISE to you as a Yid. Tell Him you won't be satisfied with anything less. (And you can add in that you want Him to make it feel effortless, if you like....)

And look, He already brought you to this community, didn't He?

avodashashemyisbarach wrote on 19 Jan 2010 21:07:


People dont come here to lose. If you want to find a place like that, I think the NJ Nets are in town (sports joke). Just read all the success stories from the forum and on the website. Its Pashut. You stay here and follow what the poeple who have succeeded are doing, then you join their club. So lets do it avodashashemyisbarach!

Kol Tuv

-Yiddle

avodashashemyisbarach wrote on 19 Jan 2010 21:07:


Don't ask that question.  I am very new here too.. but...if you ask the question it always leads to trouble.

Don't worry whether you have believe in yourself. Believe that the handbooks and site are working for a lot of people.

So far reading the posts, reading the guide books listening to some of the mp3s is helping me a lot.

If the "guard-your-eyes" book doesn't tell you ask the question, don't.

mekubal.