Thank you very much for your advice and for breaking it down I found it clear and helpful. And yes of course I will stay in touch with Reb eerie.

Just to clarify because I thought I addressed some of your points in my question. Truth is that I didn't write it so clearly so I'll  make a few points to clarify.

1. I am not talking about discarding shmiras einayim. I mean to tackle it after I am in a stronger position with M.
2. I am ready to be mindful of it even now and try to improve.

My question is like this. While I appreciate your point that if you are using your eyes to feed your lust that means you are still feeding the lust mania inside, I do not feel like I'm ready to say I simply will not look at all every time I go in the street or the store. As opposed to my battle with M and P where I'm ready to say you know what I'm done with this. In addition I think that if I would try to get myself to do that it would feel to me like the whole fight is too overwhelming. Also in addition is that I think based on past experience when this mehalech actually worked for me that once I've cleaned myself from constant sex obsession  by breaking out of P and M I will find the battle of looking much easier than taking it on together as one big battle.

I think I made my question more clear and thank you benhashembh for helping me do that

Thank you for the detailed follow-up.

It could be quite reasonable for you to say that never looking is too much to expect right now, but, the huge difference will be (and what you seem to be saying you are doing) that you are working on shemiras einayim, just starting with a stable beginning. If you focus on those shemiras einayim wins and appreciate the meaning of those accomplishments, over time, you should BezH be able to build on that foundation as you progress.

Have a wonderful Shabbos!

jewizard21 wrote on 18 Jun 2025 05:52:

Hi everybody! I wanted to give a progress report.

Baruch Hashem I have good news to share. I have been clean from P and M now for a week. Although I will say that I have much more hard work ahead of me, it's still an accomplishment that I am proud of and admittedly its been some time since I've been able to do that.

I will say from past experiences that I know it will get harder soon but that's no reason not to appreciate where I am. Friday afternoon has always been a really bad time for me especially a long Friday afternoon in the summer. It was such a relief to go into Shabbos not feeling horrible about what I just did. 

Anyway, here's hoping that my seven days becomes seven hundred and then many more. Also shout out to all you guys on here and Reb eerie for keeping me going! I really think I've felt my confidence in my abilities go up exponentially from gye; its mentors and very much so from the forum. 

May we all have  a great week of reaching our kedusha goals and making the one above proud!
                                           
yours truly, jwbf  

Hello everybody! So.... can't say I'm gonna enjoy this but here goes:

Life is full of both ups and downs in particular I'm talking about victories and... some non- victories.  And I'm here to tell you about one of those non victories. I was in a black mood on Friday probably a combination of different factors some related to a big difficulty I'm going through recently and some related to stuff I've  been dealing with for years. Anyway to make a long story short I started chipping away at my gedarim but didn't actually fall until Motzay Shabbos. Yes I know I'm supposed to call someone when I feel like that but sometimes that's part of your feelings is that you don't want to talk to anyone.

Anyway I'm thinking forward now. I believe I know the proper perspective, number one that in the last couple weeks I taught myself that I don't have to do anything, I can handle an urge and not give in, I am no ones slave('cept the lord's of course) . Also I know that that my eventual success in breaking out of this habit means much more because of my failures. In fact in a general sense there would be no meaning at all to victory if not for the existence of failure so therefore failure gives meaning to my victory and must be accepted as part of the struggle on the road to victory.( I have also spoken with my epic mentor reb eerie who is a source of unwavering wisdom and chizuk about what happened and how to go forward.)

I'm posting this because despite this knowledge it sure is a lot easier knowing that the oilam is cheering me on! So with that I say once again as I restart my count while simultaneously building on my previous achievement DARN THE TORPEDOES, FULL SPEED AHEAD!!!!!!! 

p.s. and of course signing off with a tefilla that Hashem should set make this the time I break free free along with all the guys here on the forum

Have you checked out the book the battle of the generation.  Reading that every single night was a big part of my Avoda in breaking free. 

wishing you tremendous success 
Vehkam 

Hi everybody!       
          
                   This week is crucial for me. The reason why is because the first few days after a fall is when I am the most likely to give in and more than that totally give up. I Know that until my fall i gained plenty but the YH always works full time to turn a fall into full 180 and turn me in completely the other direction instead of letting my fall just be part of my journey. Today was no exception with the YH whispering in my ear during the seven o'clock hour that you should just know that you want this really bad and you don't really have motivation not to do it. BH I got past it with a little distraction and other tactics. But still it felt so strong I'm not sure exactly how I didn't fall, there must have been some heavenly intervention.

                    So anyway because this week is important for me to get back on track i figured id post more often and let you guys know that BH I'm at day two clean and imyh many more! Thank you guys!  
                                                                             yours truly, jwbf 

Hey everybody! BH this week I have some better news... clean for seven days now! I have to say I'm pretty relieved. The reason why I'm relieved is because typically when I fall (like I did last Motzay Shabbos) as I'm trying to build up my momentum, usually everything comes crashing down. My yh ends up turning the fall into another fall and another and another within days. So making it to seven days clean wasn't just the number for itself, it was about not letting the yh (and my overly obsessive mind) control the narrative of my last fall. I definitely know this wouldn't have happened this way before gye the forum and the mentors. So shout out to you guys thanx the most!

                                                                              yours truly, jwbf

Dear JWBF,
Your determination is inspiring! Keep it up!
Just wondering what are you doing to create inner change? From my experience whenever I was purely counting the days without much extra input or inspiration, falling was inevitable. 
Have you read "The Battle of the Genration" as Vehkam suggested?
Reading every day a chapter or any other sort of daily inspiration is in my opinion crucial to keep the motivation going. Counting should be a side point. Just my humble opinion. 

Keep going strong! We're routing for you!

חזק ואמץ ,
UpAndDown

Thank you upanddown for your encouragement. Also you make a great point about not just making a superficial achievement. I would say that for me the main change to work on at least right away is how to deal with an urge. And that is the work I've been doing. I try to drill into myself that an urge is not a monster I can't handle. It is of course a tremendous nisayon, but it's something I have a choice about which is not how I used to think. This point is something I've heard from my current gye mentor reb eerie and I heard it from muttel before that. It resonated with me greatly because I used to really feel like once there was an urge that I couldn't ignore it was like a hot potato in your hands, there isn't actually a way to live with it. I do feel like over the last few weeks I already handle it differently. obviously I'm not perfect but that's the inner work I'm busy with now.

I will say however, that I am aware that there is more work to be done especially when it concerns the overall focus on lust. So you raise a good point about not forgetting about this inner work. I will imyh chap a shmuz with my great mentor reb eerie how to proceed with that. I hope also to read battle of the generation over bhz.

                                                                                           yours truly, jwbf 

That's amazing!! 

You remind me of when I was learning in Yeshiva in Israel I went to speak to someone about my issues, and he worked with me on exactly the point you're describing. He promised me a sum of money every month if I manage to control myself just on Tuesdays! Every other day I should try my best, but Tuesdays are Chok Velo Yavor... It was through that exercise that my brain was literally rewired to understand that it's possible to ignore an urge.

Kudos to you and to your great mentor R' Eerie!!

Wow! It's the people like you, that struggle, but don't give up, that hashem has the most nachas from!

My humble recommendation, from my personal experience, is that you should focus first on stopping only P, and untie the connection in your brain between P and M. Because you can't overcome your struggle with M right now, shouldn't meen that you can't conquer P for good.

Thank g-d that I stopped P more then 6 monthes ago. Without any plans to even think about stopping M. Once i was on stable grounds, i went out to fight M.

תפסת מרובה, לא תפסת. 
If you grab too much, you stay with nothing.

Sincerely,  Yosef

YosefHeTzaddik, that's a great point, and has a lot of truth in it
That said, I think that this point should be said someone who doesn't seem to be making headway, and there is reason to assume that he is incapable of focusing on both, for him we'd say focus on the porn, and we'll get to the masturbation a little later. And I have spoken to people that this was the case for them. But for most people who I have been in touch with, they seemed very capable of focusing on both. And they did!
I would add, that for some people it's the masturbation that keeps bringing them back to the porn, and they need to focus on both at the same time. So, we gotta figure out when to apply what
Dear Yosef, and JWBF, KEEP TRUCKING!!!!

I have just read through your entire topic, and I am really inspired!  I'm in a somewhat similar situation like you, and it gives me motivation knowing that I'm in this together with other Bachurim. 

Regarding my previous post, our great Eerie is entirely right. I replied to a single previous post that i read, and took it out of context of your entire situation. Now with the whole context in mind, I would still say that you should untie the 2, and even when you fall with M shouldn't automatically mean that you fall with P too. For me, quitting P was relatively easy even after daily use for 5 years, because I knew I could still M. I basically quit cold turkey and I never really had strong urges to go back to that black place. Because worst case, I would fall with M and give it out. Basically my point is that of course with your amazing progress you should and can work on both as Eerie corrected me. But if you ever fall, just keep in mind that M alone will rid you of the desire, you don't need P.

Good luck! 
From your good friend,
 Yosef 

(P.s. maybe we should open a Bachurim only thread?  Think it would help a lot for motivation feeling like we are in this together, as Bachurim. )

I know that I will probably get a lot of backlash for this, but just to emphasize my point even stronger. I have 2 completely unfiltered devices that I use every single day for work. I have never fallen through since I quit P before Rosh HaShana. Furthermore, It doesn't really attract me, knowing that M alone works fine....

(Since I have gotten in touch with my mentor about a week ago, I once bragged about this, and he told me that even though I feel safe, it's not a great idea. I have since put a filter on one device, but I can reset the password through my email. The other device is an apple, I tried to set up parental controls, but I can't figure it out.)