170. Hodu Lashem!

Being in touch with the oilam here is a real chizzuk. 

Ive been noticing that im being lusty in the way I look at intimacy with my wife. I'm asking Hashem to guide me in working on this. Maybe I sometimes behave more loving than lustful, even making high level choices in that way, but I still feel the animal in me roar. I'm motivated to work on this because although my lust is somewhat in check, I feel it very much there, and I want to become a more elevated and less animalistic person.

This sounds like a beautiful ideal
One note of caution, if I may add my thoughts.
I may be wrong, but these are my thoughts
I think most of us like good food. And we enjoy good food. Are there people that have worked on themselves to the point that good food means nothing to them? I assume that yes, there are real baalei madreiga, but they are just that: baalei madreiga. The regular guy, the wonderful baal aliyah, he enjoys good food. He might even feel a small sense of disappointment when the planned BBQ is canceled. And no, he's not a bad person, and he's not animalistic, etc. If he'd be getting really upset when the waiter took away the piece of shnitzel he was looking at, or he lost control in some way when he got to the ice cream store and it was closed, then we have an issue
I believe the same is true for our sexual desires.
Yes, we should realize that sex is not the most important thing in the world, and yes, we should focus on the person, and bonding, connecting, on the emotional high, yes, these are all true. And a guy who either disrespects his wife because if his tayva, or even if inside of him there's a fire because it didn't work out, that's something he seriously needs to work on. But I don't believe it takes away from the baal aliyah that he enjoys it, or that he looks forward to the physical enjoyment intimacy provides. Are there there baalei madreigah to whom the enjoyment means nothing? Perhaps. But that doesn't say that the average guy is doing something wrong in any what way. I don't know anyone that's a masmid like Reb Aharon Kotler was, and that doesn't make them any less of the precious loimdei Torah that they are. Yes, the focus of man should be on the person, not the body, and the goal should be emotional bonding. But don't try taking away the physical enjoyment if you're not really holding there
Again, just my two cents

eerie wrote on 17 Jun 2025 18:03:

Thank you for the perspective, this helps me clarify what I'm feeling. 
I wasnt thinking of taking away physical enjoyment, just thinking how to not feel possessed by it, so it can be like you say something provided by intimacy and not the intimacy overtaken by sex drive and lust. Right now I dont feel like a can even be at all present emotionally because of the lust.