Start reading the Battle of the Generation! 

Much success!

Hello my friends!  Long time no post.

To be honest, Bein hazemanim wasn't a a success. Although I will say that I've had worse, and definitely the beginning wasn't bad, but I ended off on a bad note. In general I've been scuffling.

So I'm trying to use the new zman as a fresh start. I find myself in need of a mindset change and having a fresh start hopefully can get me there obviously only with work and keeping up with my mentor. I'd love to feel the fire again. But I will say I really believe ill get there if I keep my connections here and I keep trying. As I've said in the past. " I shall return". Two days clean now.

                                                                                     
                                                                             Signing off with love and appreciation, JWBF

Hello everybody. I'm in a better place now BH. One week clean. Not very long I know, but compared to where I was holding its a major move in the right direction.
                                                   "I shall return"
                                              
                                                                                      Yours truly, JWBF

A week is huge, don’t underestimate it!!!

it should iy”h double and triple….

Hello my friends..

I bh have a win to report. I guess I would call it a 90% win and a 10 % loss bc it started off with quite a slip that almost sent me all the way into the abyss.
                                                                       WARNING: POTENTIAL TRIGGER (especially if you have phone chat related issues)

The story goes like this. Yours truly was feeling very stressed out and a little hopeless pertaining a certain ongoing hard situation in my life and some people making that harder and more complicated for me. I was also trying to take a nap which is always a trigger risk time for me. I was feeling so annoyed and stressed that even after reaching out by text to some of our gye greats I basically couldn't resist and started to fall down the Phones*x hole. I even realized that I had a few mins left on an account and made a phone call with it, actually set myself up in my typical M position, spoke for a few mins and then ran out of time.

So I did what I usually do once in the throes of such a lust filled fall, I went to a convenience store to buy a gift card with which to continue my phone lust spree. I knew for a fact that I would end up doing M and I was planning on setting up a nice long phone call to do it "the right way".

I was on line in the store to pay, and the family in front of me had some complicated requests from the cashier and were taking forever ( I believe that was a present from hashem). I started to debate with myself to say "hey don't u wanna think twice about this"? To which I said back "think twice are you nuts? I've never turned back at this point I'm too far in its not possible"!  At first I accepted that.

Then it hit me. I've been in a rough pattern of better weeks and then falling back in to big ruts after those streaks. The only way to break out of such a pattern is to do something different than what I've been doing, something I've always told myself is too much to ask. Behavior patterns come from following the same path of thinking, of least resistance, I must challenge that to break free I told myself. Until I do that, until I leave my comfort zone, I can expect to keep going on the same path.

In that second I awkwardly extricated myself from the long line and put the card back on the rack and got out of there. And promptly spoke with reb eerie for a debriefing.

So I will unabashedly say I'm proud of myself tonight, and also very thankful to Hashem for giving me extra time to think about my decision, thereby enabling me to keep my streak going. Of course thankful to my mentors and gye friends including all u guys on here. Also I am still a little afraid that my highly triggered state can bring some of those thoughts back to the forefront later tonight so I'm also posting for accountability.

                                                                        Posting with gratitude and love, JWBF.

P.S. To be very clear I don't believe that conversation in my head would have ended the same way without gye for many reasons.
P. P.S. "I shall return"
P.P P.S. DA*N the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!

Wow, that took courage, guts and superhuman strength. 
Your efforts are admirable. 

Wow this is a special story, something like this puts you on the way to get into sifron shel chaim for the new yr iy"h, just continue going strong!!!